Can your exBPDgf get triggered if they find out you have a new gf?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Is it true that BPD ex girlfriends get jeloues and angry if they find out you have a new girlfreind ? I'm not saying I have or would not pull a stunt that low to drop to ther level but Im just wondering if ther are any members on here that had experienced this and what happened ? Ive read somewhere that even tho they ran off over a year ago they can still be mad when they find out . And why after they were the ones who left for a replacement.

[Splitblack4good]

Is it true that BPD ex girlfriends get jeloues and angry if they find out you have a new girlfreind ? I'm not saying I have or would not pull a stunt that low to drop to ther level but Im just wondering if ther are any members on here that had experienced this and what happened ? Ive read somewhere that even tho they ran off over a year ago they can still be mad when they find out . And why after they were the ones who left for a replacement.

[Rise]

Yeah, it's possible they may get upset. But they may not. Each person with BPD is an individual and is going to react differently. When my ex found out I was seeing someone new for the first time after we broke up she actually felt relieved, because she felt it let her off the hook. I was happy with someone else, so she didn't have to feel bad anymore about hurting me.

[Splitblack4good]

Yeah, it's possible they may get upset. But they may not. Each person with BPD is an individual and is going to react differently. When my ex found out I was seeing someone new for the first time after we broke up she actually felt relieved, because she felt it let her off the hook. I was happy with someone else, so she didn't have to feel bad anymore about hurting me.

Did she ever contact you after tho ? Like a year down the line to see if you were still with her ? Plus my ex has told me she doesn't care that I'm hurting and how I feel as all the blame went on me ! So maybe my ex would be the same as yours ?.

[Infern0]

After mine had replaced me she found out that I'd made out with a chick at a party a few weeks later and felt the need to contact me and tell me that I had never loved her and was a liar.

[Splitblack4good]

After mine had replaced me she found out that I'd made out with a chick at a party a few weeks later and felt the need to contact me and tell me that I had never loved her and was a liar.

Lol that is crazy ! Ive got a feeling that's what my ex would say ! Why is it always double standards with BPD ? My ex always called me a liar over most things but all she was doin was talking about herself .

[enlighten me]

They can do. As said it depends on the individual. My exgf got upset when she found oyt her ex husband was with someone else. Some pwBPD treat people as toys and even though they dont want to play with them they dont like others to either. It is very childlike as even though they didnt think you were fun anymore when they see someone having fun with their old toy they wonder if it was still fun and maybe they made a mistake. This is typical for recycles. They get their old toy back and yes it is fun at first then after a while they realise all the things that didnt make it fun and devalue it.

Even if by meeting someone else it may stirr up feelings of guilt in them.

Or they just may not care as you didnt mean that much to them.

it all depends on circumstances. How they felt about you, what they did and where yhey are at in their life.

[HappyNihilist]

What makes you ask that particular question, Splitblack4good?

Has something happened that made you start thinking about it?

[Splitblack4good]

They can do. As said it depends on the individual. My exgf got upset when she found oyt her ex husband was with someone else. Some pwBPD treat people as toys and even though they dont want to play with them they dont like others to either. It is very childlike as even though they didnt think you were fun anymore when they see someone having fun with their old toy they wonder if it was still fun and maybe they made a mistake. This is typical for recycles. They get their old toy back and yes it is fun at first then after a while they realise all the things that didnt make it fun and devalue it.

Even if by meeting someone else it may stirr up feelings of guilt in them.

Or they just may not care as you didnt mean that much to them.

it all depends on circumstances. How they felt about you, what they did and where yhey are at in their life.

That's interesting you say that in between my 3rd recycle my ex rang me for something and I said I cant I have plans tonite . She came back with "oh funny you have plans now we have split up " I think my ex got bored with me as I was working a lot and we never did much she said at the time of devaluing me "we never do anything exciting anymore" we did but it was just the reality of normal life had kicked in .

[Splitblack4good]

What makes you ask that particular question, Splitblack4good?

Has something happened that made you start thinking about it?

Yes I had a text from one of my old female freinds who ive not seen for ages asking me if I wanted to go out . She moved away about 4 years ago and we sort of had feelings for ones other . My ex knew about her and got really jeloues . Tbh my ex hated the fact that any female would even look at me in a shop etc . I'm just wondering if she found out I went out with my freind just as freinds she would flip ? I don't think she would now she is with my replacement and I'm not gona say anything no point .

[enlighten me]

They can do. As said it depends on the individual. My exgf got upset when she found oyt her ex husband was with someone else. Some pwBPD treat people as toys and even though they dont want to play with them they dont like others to either. It is very childlike as even though they didnt think you were fun anymore when they see someone having fun with their old toy they wonder if it was still fun and maybe they made a mistake. This is typical for recycles. They get their old toy back and yes it is fun at first then after a while they realise all the things that didnt make it fun and devalue it.

Even if by meeting someone else it may stirr up feelings of guilt in them.

Or they just may not care as you didnt mean that much to them.

it all depends on circumstances. How they felt about you, what they did and where yhey are at in their life.

That's interesting you say that in between my 3rd recycle my ex rang me for something and I said I cant I have plans tonite . She came back with "oh funny you have plans now we have split up " I think my ex got bored with me as I was working a lot and we never did much she said at the time of devaluing me "we never do anything exciting anymore" we did but it was just the reality of normal life had kicked in .

That is one thing I noticed with both my uBPD exs. They cant do normal life. Everything has to be a drama or exciting. Even the school run ends up being potrayed as a life or death struggle against the evil drivers trying to kill her .

One thing I will say is ask yourself how you felt when one of your exs met someone else. Not necessarily the BPD ex. Some of them would have made you sad others you wouldnt care. Its probably the same with BPD but magnified. The sad ones would be really sad and the others not even phase them.

[Splitblack4good]

They can do. As said it depends on the individual. My exgf got upset when she found oyt her ex husband was with someone else. Some pwBPD treat people as toys and even though they dont want to play with them they dont like others to either. It is very childlike as even though they didnt think you were fun anymore when they see someone having fun with their old toy they wonder if it was still fun and maybe they made a mistake. This is typical for recycles. They get their old toy back and yes it is fun at first then after a while they realise all the things that didnt make it fun and devalue it.

Even if by meeting someone else it may stirr up feelings of guilt in them.

Or they just may not care as you didnt mean that much to them.

it all depends on circumstances. How they felt about you, what they did and where yhey are at in their life.

That's interesting you say that in between my 3rd recycle my ex rang me for something and I said I cant I have plans tonite . She came back with "oh funny you have plans now we have split up " I think my ex got bored with me as I was working a lot and we never did much she said at the time of devaluing me "we never do anything exciting anymore" we did but it was just the reality of normal life had kicked in .

That is one thing I noticed with both my uBPD exs. They cant do normal life. Everything has to be a drama or exciting. Even the school run ends up being potrayed as a life or death struggle against the evil drivers trying to kill her .

One thing I will say is ask yourself how you felt when one of your exs met someone else. Not necessarily the BPD ex. Some of them would have made you sad others you wouldnt care. Its probably the same with BPD but magnified. The sad ones would be really sad and the others not even phase them.

Yer my ex went out of her way to cause drama towards the end she even shouted at our next door neighbours over nothing just to cause some kind of conflict ! My ex keeps saying my replacement is fun and they go out and have a laugh ! But surely even that won't be enough eventually once the honeymoon period is over and real life and normality of the relaitionship kicks in ? She has 4 kids so wen we were together we couldnt do much anyway . Come the weekends we would have an argument and end up staying in .

[HappyNihilist]

I had a text from one of my old female freinds who ive not seen for ages asking me if I wanted to go out . She moved away about 4 years ago and we sort of had feelings for ones other . My ex knew about her and got really jeloues . Tbh my ex hated the fact that any female would even look at me in a shop etc . I'm just wondering if she found out I went out with my freind just as freinds she would flip ? I don't think she would now she is with my replacement and I'm not gona say anything no point .

Does it matter to you if your ex got jealous and/or mad if you went out with a female friend?

If so, why? What does her reaction mean to you?

Instead of looking at this as an opportunity to reconnect with an old friend, you are analyzing it in terms of how it might make your ex feel. Ask yourself why that means so much to you, when detachment is your goal.

You should be your focus. 

[Splitblack4good]

I had a text from one of my old female freinds who ive not seen for ages asking me if I wanted to go out . She moved away about 4 years ago and we sort of had feelings for ones other . My ex knew about her and got really jeloues . Tbh my ex hated the fact that any female would even look at me in a shop etc . I'm just wondering if she found out I went out with my freind just as freinds she would flip ? I don't think she would now she is with my replacement and I'm not gona say anything no point .

Does it matter to you if your ex got jealous and/or mad if you went out with a female friend?

If so, why? What does her reaction mean to you?

Instead of looking at this as an opportunity to reconnect with an old friend, you are analyzing it in terms of how it might make your ex feel. Ask yourself why that means so much to you, when detachment is your goal.

You should be your focus. 

No I don't suppose it does I suppose I just want to know if they would feel like a non does about it as it's always ok for them to do it and expect us to put up with the hurt and them not care !

[Targeted]

If you are thinking about moving on then just do it and do not worry about her feelings because she obviously does not worry about yours, just keep it low key and be happy for yourself without throwing it in her face, if there is a small part of you that wants to go out with someone and make sure she finds out in order to make her jealous and want you back then you will be playing her triangulation game and probably wind up hurting yourself and the girl you go out with. Do you want to drag somebody else into this mess?  Take a self inventory of your motives, if you are planning on moving on it is okay and I am sure you could figure out how to avoid your ex and her drama, if you are trying to create your own triangle what good has come from your text doing that so far?

Just throwing that out there for something to think about.

[Targeted]

Ex, not text,   Typo

[Splitblack4good]

If you are thinking about moving on then just do it and do not worry about her feelings because she obviously does not worry about yours, just keep it low key and be happy for yourself without throwing it in her face, if there is a small part of you that wants to go out with someone and make sure she finds out in order to make her jealous and want you back then you will be playing her triangulation game and probably wind up hurting yourself and the girl you go out with. Do you want to drag somebody else into this mess?  Take a self inventory of your motives, if you are planning on moving on it is okay and I am sure you could figure out how to avoid your ex and her drama, if you are trying to create your own triangle what good has come from your text doing that so far?

Just throwing that out there for something to think about.

Sorry misunderstanding here. I have no intention of telling my ex to get a reaction or any other motive it was just a quistion and I have no plans on moving on just yet as you state it's not fair on the other person .

Was just wondering.

[Targeted]

I was not trying to be accusatory of your motives but I remember being 4-5 weeks out and the pain as well as still being in fog kept me from thinking clearly at times, three months after our break up my ex thought she saw me with another girl on my motorcycle  and blew up my phone with emails and called my son crying her eyes out in frantic efforts to reach me,  I was on my way home from work in my car at the time,

[Splitblack4good]

I was not trying to be accusatory of your motives but I remember being 4-5 weeks out and the pain as well as still being in fog kept me from thinking clearly at times, three months after our break up my ex thought she saw me with another girl on my motorcycle  and blew up my phone with emails and called my son crying her eyes out in frantic efforts to reach me,  I was on my way home from work in my car at the time,

Lol targeted I do like hearing your story's I remember when my ex would ring me and rage about something I'd let her finish then I'd say ok calm down then explain calmly that they had made a mistake . Then if I was lucky I'd get a sorry text hours later . Bpd engage mouth before brain !

[Splitblack4good]

I was not trying to be accusatory of your motives but I remember being 4-5 weeks out and the pain as well as still being in fog kept me from thinking clearly at times, three months after our break up my ex thought she saw me with another girl on my motorcycle  and blew up my phone with emails and called my son crying her eyes out in frantic efforts to reach me,  I was on my way home from work in my car at the time,

Targeted Ive not text my ex as I'm staying NC but I did remember yesturday that I had left a file box at my exes house that has got my important docs in it , counter part driving licence pass port insurance etc and I need them how do you suppose I go about getting them back ? I know full well if I text her il be ignored I have asked her freind to ask her she has and she did not reply to her either . Why do they keep ur stuff ? Is it just to be awkward !

[Deeno02]

Hard to say. I cant speak for my relationship with my ex/gf as I have not seen nor heard from her in 4 months and I dont think she can see anything as I have her blocked. However, when we got together, she was separated from her husband going through stages of divorce, she would stalk the ___ out of him, always complaining about who he was with and where he was eating, I mean literally foam spitting angry. I had told her how uncomfortable I was with it as we were now together. She excused it as checking to see what he was doing so she could go after him for more support. Red flag... .I have no idea if she has or is checking up on me as she has no access to me other than walking her dog past my house(which she has done), so Im going to go on record as saying that she no longer gives 3 ___s about me or what I do or who I do it with as she is currently happy with the replacement. Im sad that I didnt matter at all to her, but happy I dont anything to do with her.

[Targeted]

A part of the reason they keep your stuff is attachment, my ex does not even throw out receipts from gifts or things you buy for her, and the rest of it who knows?  Anger or spite, just trying to be difficult, they are disregulated emotional nightmares and I do not think they even know why,  I remember we were out shopping once and i bought two Disney movies for us to watch that weekend, later that week I just figured I would take them back to my place so I could watch them with my children, well that started a whole ___ storm how I was trying to steal her things and I was called every name in the book for days.

[Deeno02]

All,

I think this is a great topic. It really has nothing much to do with moving on or letting go, but a legitimate cause for alarm. Not every BPD is the same, but there are those that can and will cause legitimate trouble for their ex because of this illness, disease whatever you want to call it. Its the classic do what I say, not as I do. Its ok for them to be happy, you, not so much. Lack of control on their part. It happens between non's as well. My ex wife would find out I was out with friends and would magically text me at 1130 at night, while Im out, asking me about mundane things like insurance, our kids grades, crap like that. And it was constant. Had to tell my kids to tell her when she asked what I was doing to tell her I was in bed, or doing something to get her off my ass. Had to have the come to jesus meeting with her and told her that I was no longer her concern, nor was I her problem to worry about. Now, we have a pretty good relationship, but, again, she wasnt as wacky as my ex/gf. Im hoping that by me blocking her on everything, my ex/gf will have zero interest in me or what Im up to and so far so good. My replacement is doing his job well.

[Splitblack4good]

The docs I need are important the fact she is being so ignorant to everyone since we split is not right anyway . Our mutuel freind said she has changed loads . She ignores people she is still freinds with . I'm going to give her 24 hours to least reply to her freind if she doesn't im going to have to break NC . I swear she is doing this out of spite ! It's as I mentioned to you targeted the last week or so since her smear campaign backfired no one has really seen or heard from her . And made it clear last night to our freind that when she is around his house she is to be warned first and she really does not want to see me ! I think the shame cloud and guilt have got worse ! .