Two years out and... a kick to the head...

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

It hurt to know, but I'm glad that I know the truth.  When I look back now at the things he said to me, he was telling me what he was doing >> "My son is just like me."  (Son cheats on his partners) 

I needed to know in order to facilitate what Heal has stated so well:  "For me the naivety needed to die, I needed a better radar, and paying attention has become paramount."

I call these veiled confessions. Its as if they are trying to ease their conscience without admitting fault.

one thing I tell people on here when trying to get over a break up is to believe the worse. I didnt do this with my ex wife and as things came out I was knocjed back in my healing process. With my exggf I belived the worse which turned out to be true. As I found out about things it still hurt but not as much as it would have. This post goes to show that even after two years finding out things can still hurt your recovery.

[enlighten me]

It hurt to know, but I'm glad that I know the truth.  When I look back now at the things he said to me, he was telling me what he was doing >> "My son is just like me."  (Son cheats on his partners) 

I needed to know in order to facilitate what Heal has stated so well:  "For me the naivety needed to die, I needed a better radar, and paying attention has become paramount."

I call these veiled confessions. Its as if they are trying to ease their conscience without admitting fault.

one thing I tell people on here when trying to get over a break up is to believe the worse. I didnt do this with my ex wife and as things came out I was knocjed back in my healing process. With my exggf I belived the worse which turned out to be true. As I found out about things it still hurt but not as much as it would have. This post goes to show that even after two years finding out things can still hurt your recovery.

[Infared]

 I just want to thank everyone for sharing on this post.  I experienced all of the expert deceit, manipulation and damage. I too, am suffering as a result of my interaction with my pwBPD. Some of what I endured is just so sick. The lies... .and I am sure that I don't even know the half of it. I too, have learned (through therapy) my part in the relationship. I too, am amazed at the cold skill of the liars that we lived with.i also know that I am not stupid or bad for having empathy and for trusting someone who I "thought" was honest.

I don't know what all the answers are but I have slowly learned how to trust and love me as a result of all of this. I know that that person is very sick and damaged to be going through life lying to and manipulating everyone that they interact with.

I don't have any profound answers, but again I want to thank everyone, as somehow knowing that others went through this helps me to heal. Thanks for you honesty and openness!

[TheDude]

This post goes to show that even after two years finding out things can still hurt your recovery.

Yeah, it does hurt, but I've been focusing hard on the potential benefits, as others mentioned earlier.

Under more normal circumstances, I have always found great catharsis is writing. Letters, usually, that never will be sent. In the past two years, I've had these letters swirling around in my head, but have never been able to type or write a single word. It was uncanny. I've never had a writer's block like that before. In the few days since this info came to light - page after page like War and Peace. 

[enlighten me]

Thats the problem with denial. You confuse yourself between what your gut says and what your heart says. I was the same with my ex wife. Little snippets came to light over time until I accepted that she wasnt who I thought she was. Only then could I think clearly enough to start healing.

[NonAverageJoe]

For me the lens of perspective is a total rewrite of many aspects of the relationship.

[ucmeicu2]

hi h2h, i like your recipe for healing.  this.   it's the antithesis of everything BPD, right.  

curious what it is about EFT (emotional freedom technique) you don't like?  it's based on the ancient systems of acupuncture.  it's like emotional acupuncture, sans needles.  are you not a fan of acupuncture as well?  have you tried EFT?  curious what your eperience(s) has been.  i saw a video of a therapist that uses EFT and she said it's 98-99% effective ~ that's an awesome rate.

i saw this claim, "Pierre De Vernejoul proved that the meridian network does exist", googled it and voila, true. .  that meridian network is what the ancient acupuncture and modern EFT is based on.  i don't necessary require it, but do get a kick out of it when science verifies what mystics have thought or known all along.

("1995 Pierre De Vernejoul proved that the meridian network does exist. He & his team of investigators injected non-harmful radioactive technetium into the arms & legs o volunteers at the sites of commonly used acupuncture points along the meridian system. Using gamma-camera imaging to track the flow. Finding that the radioactive isotope traveled along the meridian pathways. The substance was injected randomly elsewhere in the body, it did not move along any specific internal pathway."

don't remember if i detailed this or not, but i bought video tapes of EFT abt 15-20 years ago.  it was long, cumbersome, complex, and i did not follow thru w/ it.  but this FasterEFT on you tube is streamlined and efficient.  it's amazing the way he's distilled it down to it's very essence.  i highly recommend eeryone give it a sot.  what's one got to lose?  nothing.  gain?  potentially everything!  

I'm not a fan of EFT, but I am a fan of whatever works for people... .eat right, get a lot of exercise, but not too much, hydrate well, get good sleep, stay grounded spiritually, and consciously focus on the future and where I'm going, not where I've been.  Instead of fighting something, it's best to create something new, and when we do that whatever we were fighting takes care of itself.

[ScotisGone74]

Congratulations o n being two years out.     I am now also just coming to my two year mark of NC.     I have had all avenues of contact blocked the whole time.     I have no idea or desire to know who, what, or where about her any longer.    We live in a smaller sized city and I have been in traffic beside her and she scurries off (not as fast as I do)  but I know she knows how bad she hurt me and doesnt want to  face anything she s done.   Im doing well and have adjusted.      Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you all.   

[fromheeltoheal]

hi h2h, i like your recipe for healing.  this.   it's the antithesis of everything BPD, right.  

curious what it is about EFT (emotional freedom technique) you don't like?  it's based on the ancient systems of acupuncture.  it's like emotional acupuncture, sans needles.  are you not a fan of acupuncture as well?  have you tried EFT?  curious what your eperience(s) has been.  i saw a video of a therapist that uses EFT and she said it's 98-99% effective ~ that's an awesome rate.

Hi ucme-

It's not that I don't like it, it's just the wrong focus from me, but hey, whatever works for folks is fine with me.  To me who we are is our spirit, our heart and our mind, in that order, and our body is just a vessel.  If we get our spirit, heart and mind centered and in agreement our bodies will take care of themselves; we can make ourselves healthy with those or we can make ourselves sick.  Of course the vessel needs a little maintenance and support, my recipe as I mentioned before, but starting with the body to heal the others is backwards to me.  And of course, the right way for each of us is the way that works.

[Blimblam]

hi h2h, i like your recipe for healing.  this.   it's the antithesis of everything BPD, right.  

curious what it is about EFT (emotional freedom technique) you don't like?  it's based on the ancient systems of acupuncture.  it's like emotional acupuncture, sans needles.  are you not a fan of acupuncture as well?  have you tried EFT?  curious what your eperience(s) has been.  i saw a video of a therapist that uses EFT and she said it's 98-99% effective ~ that's an awesome rate.

i saw this claim, "Pierre De Vernejoul proved that the meridian network does exist", googled it and voila, true. .  that meridian network is what the ancient acupuncture and modern EFT is based on.  i don't necessary require it, but do get a kick out of it when science verifies what mystics have thought or known all along.

("1995 Pierre De Vernejoul proved that the meridian network does exist. He & his team of investigators injected non-harmful radioactive technetium into the arms & legs o volunteers at the sites of commonly used acupuncture points along the meridian system. Using gamma-camera imaging to track the flow. Finding that the radioactive isotope traveled along the meridian pathways. The substance was injected randomly elsewhere in the body, it did not move along any specific internal pathway."

don't remember if i detailed this or not, but i bought video tapes of EFT abt 15-20 years ago.  it was long, cumbersome, complex, and i did not follow thru w/ it.  but this FasterEFT on you tube is streamlined and efficient.  it's amazing the way he's distilled it down to it's very essence.  i highly recommend eeryone give it a sot.  what's one got to lose?  nothing.  gain?  potentially everything!  

I'm not a fan of EFT, but I am a fan of whatever works for people... .eat right, get a lot of exercise, but not too much, hydrate well, get good sleep, stay grounded spiritually, and consciously focus on the future and where I'm going, not where I've been.  Instead of fighting something, it's best to create something new, and when we do that whatever we were fighting takes care of itself.

That is pretty interesting.  Did you know the "iceman" they found frozen in the mountains in Europe from, if I recAll correctly the upper Paleolithic, had tattos on acupuncture points that corresponded to problems he had with his organs.  I think the iceman was from the upper Paleolithic and he was a European. So the evidence points to the meridian System wasn't necessarily a Chinese development and had been known and forgotten in Europe for thousands of years before civilization began.