Everyone has a different Christmas story

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I read where so many people here say that their exBPD caused previous holidays or birthdays to be a mess. I never had that problem. My ex and I didn't spend Christmas Day together as she had/s young kids who she took to her family's. Because she alternated with her exH which holiday she had them (Xmas or New Years) we always spent the time after Xmas until just before she and the kids had to return to work/school in January together. If she had the kids I would go to her home, if not, she would come to mine. We always had the best time. We'd go to the mountains (I live 45 mins from the smoky mountains) and ski or visit other holiday places together, do after holiday shopping together, cook, sit by the fireplace, etc. We'd usually have a quiet New Years and there was rarely any discord.

Last year was the exception, and I realize it was the beginning of the end. She came to my home, and I had no idea why, but she was being an ass when she first got here and not really in the way she behaved, but in some of the things she said. It was as if she had this "I'm the greatest" attitude that was really off putting. I'm not sure where it came from, but by the time she was leaving 8 days later it had disappeared and she was her normal self.

We would spend the next 4 months finishing up a custody battle w/her exH and I, quite wrongly, assumed the 2.5 year completed ordeal would finally allow us to return to a normal life. What I missed was that in May while I was meticulously reviewing the court document her ExH's attorney had drawn up to make sure she wasn't going to get screwed, she was out looking for some guy to screw. Apparently she found him and here we are at Xmas.

My heart is literally broken thinking some person who hasn't the right is entertaining my exgf and probably has no idea I even existed in her life except as a "friend." How she can be there and not give a moments thought to all the happy times we shared over the holidays hurts me to the core. I have spent the last 10 years of holidays with her, with only one exception 4 years ago. And I have no idea even now how I've ended up here like this.

I just know I miss her. Maybe I was stupid, but she never painted me black until this year. And the hurt comes from knowing how much I did for her to make sure she and her kids were protected in that protracted custody battle. You would think she would have been more grateful then than at any time during her relationship but instead she decided "she couldn't be an only daughter in an Hispanic family who is gay." And phased me out to the point now that we haven't talked to one another since June. We have had some extremely limited contact since she broke up with me in August, but no talking. We talked everyday for 9 years. I've had some PRIVATE NUMBER hangups since September; three this month, but none in 2 weeks.

I know now this pressure came from her mother. And clearly for my exBPDgf, blood is thicker than water. And for the record my ex is 46, not some little kid. Tho you couldn't tell sometimes. Anyway, happy holidays to me. And to you too. I just needed to put it out there that I'm missing my exgf and my life... .

[ShadowIntheNight]

I read where so many people here say that their exBPD caused previous holidays or birthdays to be a mess. I never had that problem. My ex and I didn't spend Christmas Day together as she had/s young kids who she took to her family's. Because she alternated with her exH which holiday she had them (Xmas or New Years) we always spent the time after Xmas until just before she and the kids had to return to work/school in January together. If she had the kids I would go to her home, if not, she would come to mine. We always had the best time. We'd go to the mountains (I live 45 mins from the smoky mountains) and ski or visit other holiday places together, do after holiday shopping together, cook, sit by the fireplace, etc. We'd usually have a quiet New Years and there was rarely any discord.

Last year was the exception, and I realize it was the beginning of the end. She came to my home, and I had no idea why, but she was being an ass when she first got here and not really in the way she behaved, but in some of the things she said. It was as if she had this "I'm the greatest" attitude that was really off putting. I'm not sure where it came from, but by the time she was leaving 8 days later it had disappeared and she was her normal self.

We would spend the next 4 months finishing up a custody battle w/her exH and I, quite wrongly, assumed the 2.5 year completed ordeal would finally allow us to return to a normal life. What I missed was that in May while I was meticulously reviewing the court document her ExH's attorney had drawn up to make sure she wasn't going to get screwed, she was out looking for some guy to screw. Apparently she found him and here we are at Xmas.

My heart is literally broken thinking some person who hasn't the right is entertaining my exgf and probably has no idea I even existed in her life except as a "friend." How she can be there and not give a moments thought to all the happy times we shared over the holidays hurts me to the core. I have spent the last 10 years of holidays with her, with only one exception 4 years ago. And I have no idea even now how I've ended up here like this.

I just know I miss her. Maybe I was stupid, but she never painted me black until this year. And the hurt comes from knowing how much I did for her to make sure she and her kids were protected in that protracted custody battle. You would think she would have been more grateful then than at any time during her relationship but instead she decided "she couldn't be an only daughter in an Hispanic family who is gay." And phased me out to the point now that we haven't talked to one another since June. We have had some extremely limited contact since she broke up with me in August, but no talking. We talked everyday for 9 years. I've had some PRIVATE NUMBER hangups since September; three this month, but none in 2 weeks.

I know now this pressure came from her mother. And clearly for my exBPDgf, blood is thicker than water. And for the record my ex is 46, not some little kid. Tho you couldn't tell sometimes. Anyway, happy holidays to me. And to you too. I just needed to put it out there that I'm missing my exgf and my life... .