She's engaged

[christoff522]

Nice little Christmas present, an announcement of engagement. I had prior notice of this from her, but thought she was blowing smoke. Well today the announcement was made. Its not as gut wrenching as I'd expected as I have detached from her quite a lot. But still, I felt it was worthy of mention. I actually question now and again whether or not she has BPD, perhaps due to the distance we have from one another now. But I still find it odd that they've been together officially since August, and now they're engaged in December. Things are now better between us, due to me and her both moving on, but still a little part of me is screaming within like "what the f*** is going on ?"

Let me just put this into perspective, shes 17 and she's engaged? She's had two relationships (the guy before me and this guy, I don't class what we had as a relationship), she's been with this guy for four months, she's lost herself in this relationship, she seems to worship him as if he's perfect, yet at the beginning she didn't, before (like Sept) she kept telling me she didn't love anyone, that she was incapable of love, now all she says is I love him.

Anyway, if she's happy I'm happy for her, but something just seems wrong about this whole thing.

[hurting300]

He must like being ran over and controlled?

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

BPD or not - getting married at 17 is just silly.  She needs some adult guidance to avoid doing something so crazy.  She has some living to do before getting married and settling down.  My mother married and had me at 16.  She is BPD.  She is now in her 60's but sort of stuck in her teens.

[Infern0]

Engaged to a BPD after 4 months.  Poor guy, he's barely scratched the surface of her disorder.

PwBPD don't view commitment the same as nons.  A ring means nothing to them.

[MrConfusedWithItAll]

Engaged to a BPD after 4 months.  Poor guy, he's barely scratched the surface of her disorder.

PwBPD don't view commitment the same as nons.  A ring means nothing to them.

Yes have read a few times on here how the affair begins a month after marriage.  I think the ring meant something when accepted and for a few weeks/days.  But disorder is just that - things wont follow an order. A change of feeling and the ring means nothing.

[Infern0]

Engaged to a BPD after 4 months.  Poor guy, he's barely scratched the surface of her disorder.

PwBPD don't view commitment the same as nons.  A ring means nothing to them.

Yes have read a few times on here how the affair begins a month after marriage.  I think the ring meant something when accepted and for a few weeks/days.  But disorder is just that - things wont follow an order. A change of feeling and the ring means nothing.

Mine cheated on her current supply with me three days after he gave her an engagement ring.

Seriously it means nothing to them, all they care about is themselves and their feelings,  and their feelings can turn on a dime

I really hope the poor fool doesn't actually go through with the wedding,  she even said to me "I'm not sure if I'm just with him because I can't get anyone better"

Poor ass is just a placeholder

[Blimblam]

It's a matter of time before the disorder is triggered.  Just a matter of time.

[christoff522]

The plot thickens, her sister has commented on the engagement saying "welcome to the madhouse", all her friends are saying things like "congratulations! can i be a bridesmaid". Nobody seems to be trying to talk sense into her. I honestly don't understand it, it seems crazy to me.

I understand that this is the honeymoon period, and its a long process that basically lasts until he does something wrong, but surely someone must be thinking what I'm thinking about this. It's abnormal for someone to be engaged at 4 months (facebook has the beginning date at Aug 7), it's even crazier for her older sister to be okay about this. It truly is a mad-house.

The guy must be a complete mental case himself, desperate for someone to love him, he does indeed seem to have those tendencies, such as an obession with the Krays (london gangsters from the 60's), yet he's managed to become a retained firefighter. The only conclusion I can come to, is that they're both as bad as one another here. He's obsessed over her, and she's obsessed over him. Like everyone has said here, he will have hell to pay when the disorder is triggered, and it will be. I only hope that when things fall apart, she doesn't set her sights on me again.

I believe that the pressure of a wedding, BPD, and her age will nip this in the bud over the next year. I doubt this is anything more than a flight of fancy thats got her all excited and stuff, but inevitably, the reality of spending a lifetime with someone, having to actually work at a marriage will cut this off before it goes too far, I hope for everyone's sake because otherwise there may end up being children involved.

[Trog]

Poor bast8rd

[Somewhere]

And remember the more time you spend looking over your shoulder at her nonsense (now behind you, thankfully), the less you spend on looking where YOU want to go with YOUR life.

Life can sort of be like learning to ride a bicycle.  You wind up going where you look.

As others said -- Poor Guy.

And yes, she may likely try to recycle you eventually.  You do not want to be there when that wreck comes looking for you.

[cosmonaut]

I'm sorry, man.  No matter how much work you've done detaching that has to be some triggering news for you.  My sincere sympathy.  I know I'd be sucking wind if I heard my ex was engaged.  I think you're taking it really pretty well, Christoff.  So, cheers for that.

In snarky aside: I have to agree with the other members that this poor sap hasn't the faintest idea what he's signed up for.  Four months and they are engaged - are you kidding me?  They are almost certainly still in the honeymoon phase and he's never even seen a dysregulated BPD meltdown.

[christoff522]

Yeah I guess it has triggered me, and when I saw it I did suck wind- It was sort of a "woah... .", bit of a flutter heartwise.

I've seen the meltdown, I've had her shouting "I KNOW I'M PSYCHOTIC", I've had her swearing her head off at me telling me how much she hates me, I've had her screaming about her mother wishing she was dead and stuff. I've also had the vixen other side of her too.

I can't say I'm especially sympathetic to this lad, he's an utter nut-case himself. At 19 years of age to be proposing marriage?

The person I feel sorry for her is her original ex, he has no idea what's happened (at least he hasn't said anything to me when I've seen him) when he does he's going to be wayyy more devastated than me. Considering that those two were together for 2 1/2 years, only finishing in March, then recycling in June, finishing in July, then her getting with the new guy (her fiance) in August.

Thank you guys for saying all the things you said, it's good to know I'm not insane.