Is she on a rebound or is another Recycle coming?

[Joshuaua]

Me and my ex of a year broke up after she lost our kid in pregnancy. We stopped talking for a month, then she called and I acted uninterested. Then two months later she called and came to town to visit. She had a new boyfriend... He's 6 years older then her, addicted to coke and she tells me how he's nothing like me. And how I'm on a different level then him in every way. She just wants to be friends for the first few days we hung out, then we reconnected our love and sex for 3-4 days til she broke up with him over the phone with me next to her. She showed me 2-3 other guys she'd been texting and sending sexual pictures to. After staying "friends" with this guy she had cheated on with me and just broke up with we get in a fight. She flips and the next day says she's going back to him and throws it in my face quite meanly. Then for days I get insulting awful texts about how awful I am and how great he is. My question is, is she gunna come back for the 10th recycle ? Usually only takes her a month or less to do them. Is this new BF a rebound from me? Is she just trying to hurt me by seeing him? Or am I painted black for now since she hasn't "flipped" on him yet. She flips because she loves and flipping is a defensive against opening up. So until she loves him he'll be the guy who makes her happy. What do you think?

[jammo1989]

Hey Josh

I know im not answering your question here but, you should really analyse what you just wrote in in your question.  She showed you 2-3 other guys she was sending sexual pictures to, and with that in mind do you honestly feel as if you can trust someone like this? you also say your on your hoping for a 10th recycle are you addicted to the emotional abuse or the actual woman in question?

[NonAverageJoe]

I think you're here on these forums and it's time to turn the focus back on yourself.

[Mutt]

Is this new BF a rebound from me? Is she just trying to hurt me by seeing him?

He's the good person rescuing her from the bad person (you), 3 people makes a triangle - triangulation.

What does triangulation mean?

[jammo1989]

I agree with Mutt, maybe just maybe she has this script in her head where her fantasy is to be saved by the knight in shining armor (the good person) and with that in mind she tends to go to the bad guys in the hope that you will rescue her again, because when you chase her she feels validated again.

[Joshuaua]

Hey Josh

I know im not answering your question here but, you should really analyse what you just wrote in in your question.  She showed you 2-3 other guys she was sending sexual pictures to, and with that in mind do you honestly feel as if you can trust someone like this? you also say your on your hoping for a 10th recycle are you addicted to the emotional abuse or the actual woman in question?

i was definitely turned off by seeing this side of her. She was 100% dedicated the whole year we where together that's why I'm not sure if she's just having a wild rebound phase after our breakup or not. It does make me think of her a little different tho. It's just when me and her are "good" which is prob 90% of the time; she's literally te best love I've known. We click in every way and have a pretty AMAMZING connection. It's that 10% of the time when she goes nutty that tears it apart.

[Joshuaua]

I agree with Mutt, maybe just maybe she has this script in her head where her fantasy is to be saved by the knight in shining armor (the good person) and with that in mind she tends to go to the bad guys in the hope that you will rescue her again, because when you chase her she feels validated again.

this might be true.  But I think in her mind I'M the bad guy. She believes it's me who makes her act this way so to her I'm painted black. I'm the ass ex that this new BF is hearing about so even tho he's a coke head it seems like she thinks he's mr. Amazing for now and that he's saving her from me.

[Mutt]

I agree with Mutt, maybe just maybe she has this script in her head where her fantasy is to be saved by the knight in shining armor (the good person) and with that in mind she tends to go to the bad guys in the hope that you will rescue her again, because when you chase her she feels validated again.

this might be true.  But I think in her mind I'M the bad guy. She believes it's me who makes her act this way so to her I'm painted black. I'm the ass ex that this new BF is hearing about so even tho he's a coke head it seems like she thinks he's mr. Amazing for now and that he's saving her from me.

It's objectifying the non partner (a means to an end) by projecting her feelings of guilt, shame, insecurities and you're the bad person in her distorted belief system.

[CareTaker]

I have been reading and posting since about October. Plus / Minus. I don't recall which day I left, or how long NC has been, all I remember is in September of this year I walked out and promised myself never to return or make contact again.

I knew  my ex had a problem, and that is why I left her. I didn't actually realize the complexity of the problem. I cannot diagnose her, therefore I now just call her an emotional manipulator. And because of all the variations of disorders, maybe EM would be a good term to use for all who have not yet been diagnosed.

All I know today, is that if you want your mind completely sc@@@@ed up, then you keep playing her game. This is not about you, or the love for you, or how she missed you. This is only about what she can get/take from you. She has no empathy with anyone except herself. You are no special than anyone else. You just a supply to her emotional and/or (often) materialistic needs. And if she doesn't get it from you, she will get it from anyone who will give it.

An Emotional Manipulator does not have a boyfriend or girlfriend. They only have victims. The moment you stop the dysfunctional dance, (and they loose control over you), you most probably never will hear from them again. And if you do, it will most probably only be to humiliate you. Because YOU where the reason for all the problems.

Walk away, they hate being ignored.

Work on yourself, there is a reason why you got attracted to her. And that reason, wasn't love. If it was, you would have walked out after 3 weeks.