Anger toward the PD family?

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Do you have any anger toward the family of the PD…for the warnings they could have provided…for the support they could give to you, but instead give to the pwPD?  I know his family still loves me but I feel completely left out in the cold in more ways than I can count.

Yes, we're all aware that these pwPDs are masters of manipulation, especially to the outside world.  However, in my case his family (some of them) were aware of a few key things that may have given me some advanced warning and although I do not blame them one bit…I do feel some anger toward them and I'm really not sure what to do with it.

Here are some specifics:  Post fallout, several of his family members admitted to knowing of a very extensive criminal background, far beyond what the PD told me.  Other family members of his said they were VERY familiar with his rage and absolutely disgusting and negative personality (of course not to the extent I got to know IN the relationship….but they were aware) and simply said, "We thought he changed with you."

And then…even though most of them know some of the details of the massive cruelty he's inflicted upon me they treat him as if nothing has happened.  Yes, I'm sure he's sharing his own version of the truth but what about those family members who fully believe what I've told them and said that it "doesn't surprise" them at all?  How can they still invite him to functions and carry on as if none of this horror has taken place?  I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

[Hope0807]

Do you have any anger toward the family of the PD…for the warnings they could have provided…for the support they could give to you, but instead give to the pwPD?  I know his family still loves me but I feel completely left out in the cold in more ways than I can count.

Yes, we're all aware that these pwPDs are masters of manipulation, especially to the outside world.  However, in my case his family (some of them) were aware of a few key things that may have given me some advanced warning and although I do not blame them one bit…I do feel some anger toward them and I'm really not sure what to do with it.

Here are some specifics:  Post fallout, several of his family members admitted to knowing of a very extensive criminal background, far beyond what the PD told me.  Other family members of his said they were VERY familiar with his rage and absolutely disgusting and negative personality (of course not to the extent I got to know IN the relationship….but they were aware) and simply said, "We thought he changed with you."

And then…even though most of them know some of the details of the massive cruelty he's inflicted upon me they treat him as if nothing has happened.  Yes, I'm sure he's sharing his own version of the truth but what about those family members who fully believe what I've told them and said that it "doesn't surprise" them at all?  How can they still invite him to functions and carry on as if none of this horror has taken place?  I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone.

[ogopogodude]

Anger and resentment followed by complacency (that I figured things out intellectually) and finally indifference.  In that order. 

I have realized that in my situation, the BPD & narcissism is actually a genetic thing (for sure!) on my in-laws side of the family.  I have chalked things up to bad genetics and that has been confirmed by the specialists that I consulted with... .

Genepool is everything.  It is the foundation.  If one literally starts to date a person, the 1st thing that should be done is to check out the mom and dad. And I don't just mean in a physical sense.  Temperament is what I am referring to, ... Just like buying a puppy, ... .if the mommy dog and daddy dog are snarly and vicious, ... most likely that cute puppy will wind up being the same way.

Like father, like son (or daughter) as well as like mother, like daughter etc certainly usually applies to BPD offspring.  That person that you may start dating may seem like they have their sh** together,  but most likely signs & symptoms of PTSD (of an abusive childhood) will surface perhaps years later. And then the rages, temper tantrums and so on (of BPD) will, too.

[ogopogodude]

oops, ... I sort of got off topic there.  No, the anger is not there. Not anymore. 

Blood is thicker than water.  A BPD's parents and siblings are just trying to protect their own relative.

Even if it means perpetuating the chaos in the non-BPD's (spouse's, or ex-spouses) life.

[myself]

I was and still am very upset that her family abused her so terribly when she was a child which lead to my now-ex having serious trust, anger, emotional and sexual issues. It's contributed to damaging/ruining every relationship she's been part of. Perhaps causing the PD in the first place, casting many deep shadows throughout her life. They really warped her.

[Dibdob59]

Hi

I usually post on the supporting a son or daughter board but read other boards as well.

I am the wife of an UNPDH and the mother of an UBPDS so am a PD family member such as you refer to here.  You mention feeling anger for family members - which I can understand as you feel we could have warned you.

However, my experience is that if we try to let strangers know of the issues we face with our PD family members we are seen as being spiteful and dishonest as they present as so charming and likeable.  Which they often are for a large part of the time.

What would you have us do? I am genuinely interested as I can truly empathise with your pain having been married to an UNPDH. 

Additionally, please consider the pain you may cause others who are innocent in this daily dance of hell when you assume all PDs have been abused by their parents, family members etc.  Although this may be true for some, this is not the case for all.

Dibdob

[Popcorn71]

Blood is thicker than water.  A BPD's parents and siblings are just trying to protect their own relative.

Even if it means perpetuating the chaos in the non-BPD's (spouse's, or ex-spouses) life.

I totally agree with this.  I would never expect any help or support from my xBPDh's family.  Even though they acted like they hated him for most of the 9 years I was with him, they are all over him now.  (Partly, I suspect, because he is being financially generous to them).

The closest I came to getting a warning from my xBPDh's family was when his teenage daughter told me that he treated me differently to how he had treated her mother.  She said he behaved very differently around me and gave me a couple of examples of slightly abusive behaviour that he had done to his ex.  She also told me that her mother had been scared of him.

This should have been a huge    at the time, but he was being so good to me that I didn't really believe it was as bad as she made out.  I also believed my xBPDh's version as he had told me that his ex had been seeing other men, living a separate life and spending all his money for years before she eventually left him.  I now believe that she probably put up with his crap for years before finally getting some nice attention from a man at work and plucking up the courage to leave (the new man ended up beating her and I think that says something too).

Anyway, after his daughter telling me this, she eventually turned on me and caused nothing but trouble.  Between the lies her father told her about me and the way she behaved towards me, it was hardly surprising that relationships were strained within our family.  His son also turned against me, and I think shows very narcisistic traits and does some strange things such as setting up a facebook account in my ex's name and pretending to be my ex online.  (This was while we were together and my ex was annoyed about it but said nothing to his son).

Anyway, now it seems like they are one big happy family with the replacement and her grown up kids.  I am angry that they wouldn't be like that with me and my family.  It would have made life much easier.  But I also wonder how long it will last.  I'm sure somebody will upset them sooner or later!

[Hope0807]

Hi ogopogodude,

Wow.  I must respectfully disagree with most of your logic, and I do understand that you are speaking largely from the point of view of your own situation.  Genepool is absolutely NOT everything, but does deserves it's part in the equation for sure.  Your comparison of the human gene pool to that of puppies is terrifyingly not based in fact at all.  

Some, but not all scientific roots of personality disorders are a combination of brain chemistry AND environment.  It is not all genetics or all environment, because there are siblings of the PDs who are Nons.  There are also persons with PDs who did not grow up in a destructive environment or have a parent with a PD and were simply born that way.  

Genepool may be YOUR everything in YOUR situation, but it simply is not factual.  Many on this very site are children of persons with PDs.  I myself am the only child of an uBPD parent.  I am not a liar, manipulative, emotionally challenged, nor do I struggle immensely to form and maintain loving & close interpersonal bonds.  My uBPD parent struggles greatly with all of those things and learning to deal with her through my childhood has undoubtedly shaped me, but HER personality traits have not determined my own worth.  By your logic, if someone dates me and checks out my mom, they should run.  I'm a bit broken and bruised right now, but I think I'm pretty incredible.

Dogs have different psychology than humans, and when humans apply human psychology to their dogs, there's an absolute problem.  A "snarly or vicious" dog almost always indicates human owners that failed to properly socialize the dog from an early age.  A wide variety of unacceptable canine behaviors is directly attributed to things the human owner doesn't realize has been their own doing.  :)ogs are never born "snarly or vicious", their environment and human error (mostly a simple lack of knowledge) molds & solidifies those unstable behaviors.  Millions of puppies are adopted at 8 weeks old, the prime time to begin imprinting a young dog.  When those dogs grow up to be snarly and vicious, it has ZERO to do with genetics, and everything to do with who's holding the leash.

Anger and resentment followed by complacency (that I figured things out intellectually) and finally indifference.  In that order.  

I have realized that in my situation, the BPD & narcissism is actually a genetic thing (for sure!) on my in-laws side of the family.  I have chalked things up to bad genetics and that has been confirmed by the specialists that I consulted with... .

Genepool is everything.  It is the foundation.  If one literally starts to date a person, the 1st thing that should be done is to check out the mom and dad. And I don't just mean in a physical sense.  Temperament is what I am referring to, ... Just like buying a puppy, ... .if the mommy dog and daddy dog are snarly and vicious, ... most likely that cute puppy will wind up being the same way.

Like father, like son (or daughter) as well as like mother, like daughter etc certainly usually applies to BPD offspring.  That person that you may start dating may seem like they have their sh** together,  but most likely signs & symptoms of PTSD (of an abusive childhood) will surface perhaps years later. And then the rages, temper tantrums and so on (of BPD) will, too.

[ogopogodude]

Forgive me, I had no intention to ignite a flame.  I do, in fact, state my words upon my own situation and experience.

As well, I base my words upon physician's (both GP's and specialist's "off-the-record" comments to me).    There is also something called "the drinking gene" making an individual more prone to being an alcoholic, ... again, words coming right from the mouth of a physician that I sought.

I guess we agree to disagree.  And this is totally okay.

We are good, right?

(perhaps, I oversimplified things. Sorry. But one has to remember, we are biological creatures  not divine entities)

[ogopogodude]

BTW, I totally agree with you about environmental impact. 

I, thus, retract my sentence "gene pool is everything", ... it is a part of the equation and my words really should have been that "genes make the potential of this or that arising in life possible"

[Hope0807]

Thank you for this Dibdob59,

My heart goes out to any parent who is aware of and has worked to get their PD child diagnosed.  I am the ex wife of an uBPD/ASPD and the daughter of a mother with uBPD.

I DO NOT believe that all parents are to blame.  I believe that each PD situation has unique situations and all PDs demonstrate eerily similar characteristics/behaviors.  Thankfully, there is a diagnosis these days. 

I think a proper diagnosis can make all the difference in the world.  I think frank and honest communication is key.  The reality of the severity of personality disorders is mind-numbing.  Even when we learn ourselves or want to share the knowledge, most I find, want to turn away.  I can't.  My family could not explain my mother, they stayed away from her, she stayed away from them.  I suffered.  My mother was greatly shaped by a highly volatile and toxic childhood.

My exH on the other hand, I do not believe had his PD shaped by his parents. 

I feel that once a diagnosis is known, or in my case, awareness/evidence of an EXTREME personality issue and a pattern of disturbing behaviors…it should be a duty of sorts of the family of that PD to at least put some valuable information into the hands of those the PD engages in relationships with.  The PD will undoubtedly deny and possibly turn away from any family members who take that brave stance, but if you look at all the damaged survivors of abuse on this board and those uncounted - who haven't this board - would you turn away from a suffocation if you saw it happening?

A family member of PD may not be able to shift the course of history, but with what the knowledge I now have, I would not hesitate to know I at least did what I could to save a life.

Hi

I usually post on the supporting a son or daughter board but read other boards as well.

I am the wife of an UNPDH and the mother of an UBPDS so am a PD family member such as you refer to here.  You mention feeling anger for family members - which I can understand as you feel we could have warned you.

However, my experience is that if we try to let strangers know of the issues we face with our PD family members we are seen as being spiteful and dishonest as they present as so charming and likeable.  Which they often are for a large part of the time.

What would you have us do? I am genuinely interested as I can truly empathise with your pain having been married to an UNPDH. 

Additionally, please consider the pain you may cause others who are innocent in this daily dance of hell when you assume all PDs have been abused by their parents, family members etc.  Although this may be true for some, this is not the case for all.

Dibdob

[Turkish]

Mine warned me about her anger. My Ex called it her "getting frustrated" or "attitude" and admitted it was part of what drove a previous bf to leave her. I wasn't as mad about that, I was warned.

What I felt, about a year before things really started going downhill (after D2 was born) was that I was thinking, "It's almost like her parents didn't teach her right from wrong." This is totally subjective, of course, but I felt as there were gaping holes or empty areas in her moral make up. Before I began to learn about BPD, I just couldn't understand how she treated those closest to her as she did (me, the kids sometimes, her family members, even her mom). Though her mom Parentified her, I realized that she was trapped by culture and also a formerly violent, but still emotionally detached and serially adulterous husband and father to my Ex. Unlike her mom, my Ex knows better on some level. She's even admitted it, but lapses back into the same behaviors, now pointed at our children.

As for her family, perhaps they do the best that they can do to keep some sense of normality without everything flying apart. PD or not, it happens in a lot of families, no?

[AwakenedOne]

My ex's family and really all of her relatives that I ever met are clearly disordered. Mother and father abused her in multiple ways. I consider what her mother does now to her as abuse. For example:  She is terrified of displeasing her mom to the point of extreme panic. When her mom found out that she hit me once she (the mom) actually stood up for me just that one time in our four years together and told my ex "Your lucky he didn't beat the hell out of you. Most men would of". After that her mom told me when ever she heard about any negative things or my ex's raging behavors that I deserved anything I got from her. She said "All her other boyfriends hadn't brought out the worst in her". What an evil woman. Everytime I think about her mom I feel like throwing up. Disgusting creature.

Am I angry now? Not really because I have dettached a lot. Still though I have horrible memories of those warped Addams Family fkers.

[Pingo]

My uBPDexh's SIL tried to warn me.  She would tell me on many occasions that my ex was "just like his dad who was like his dad".  And their dad was a real jerk who beat my ex when he was a kid and tried to stab him as a young adult during a fight.  She would then say my ex's brother (her husband) was "just like their mom, loving and sensitive".  I used to get p*ssed a bit at this comment bc I thought my ex was very loving and sensitive.  I felt like she was insulting him.  I was insulted as well bc what did that make me?  She seemed to have a hate on for my ex... .now of course everything she said was correct, I was just too much in the FOG to see it. 

[Infern0]

I have a lot of anger toward them for various reasons.  Firstly the fact that they act like she's normal and actually enable her behaviour.

And also for her dad tickling her a bit too hard if you know what I mean. That's where it all began

[hurting300]

Oh yes lots of anger. But to be honest, I think her family is as bad as she is.

[Blimblam]

It's so mixed for me

I don't know how to explain this but when I fell in love with my ex I felt a deep inner connection to her family immediately it never happened before for me.  So while I had aspects of her family that really trully bothered me the fact they loved her so much, well I love that about them.  Her family was clearly disordered they liked me a lot and I liked them.

I have anger about the things they did that contributed to forming the disorder.  I had met them in their sort of reformed stage.

[Deeno02]

My ex/gf didn't particularly care for her mother, who passed, dysfunctional, sister turned her back on her mother because she felt that my ex/gf was the chosen one, dad dumped mom for another woman (dad was apparently abusive) getting back to the sister, exgf and sister rarely talk so long story short, her family is a ___ sandwich. Whew... .dodged that...

[RisingSun]

Yes, I'm pissed at my x in-laws big time. They went NC on me after I sent them a letter explaining what their daughter had done to destroy our marriage.

Never heard back from them, aside fro one text from the x mother in law 6 months later.

I was not only emotionally abused by my xw. I was also emotionally abused by my x father in law. Just less frequently.

For example, last Christmas I was given a dog bed by my x father in law. After I opened it he said, "I was the dog of the family", and laughed.

That's only a taste of what her BPD father would dish out to me. According to him, no one was good enough for his daughter.

He did warn me about his daughter before I married her. But only gave a hint that she was going to be demanding and hard to please.

That was such an understatement to say the least.

[Infared]

My exes Father ran off with the dog to be with (seduced by), the evil stepmother when my ex was 5yrs old.

That is when her major emotional damage occurred.  That abandonment damaged her Mom deeply as well. My ex spent time with both families.

That being said, I had to (wanted to) interact with both families. I really cared about her Mom and Dad (they were both so nice to me and I think thought I was great for their daughter.) the evil step mother always had some selfish plot going on, but I just avoided her nonsense unless it directly effected me or my partner. I did have to pick a few battles but she got the vibe not to run her selfish nonsense on me. She would still run it on my ex., and I was as caring and supportive as I knew how to be without being part of the problem.

I really miss both her families, I know they got whiplash when she showed up with new supply shortly after she ran out on our 5year live-in relationship a week before Christmas.

The thing is she lied to me, lied to him, lied to them... .hell she went to therapy and lied to her T.? She played victim with everyone, no doubt painted me black to the others to justify the new supply, etc.

I don't have any anger towards her family... .she is the super-sick one deceiving everyone. They have no idea how she rolls as far as I can see... .she hides all her bad behavior and is cute and invents herself as the victim to get their support, etc. I had no voice to defend myself and unknown to me at that time there was nothing to defend... .she started a new relationship with someone while she was living with me. I was completely abandoned and discarded. So... .I was no longer in a relationship with her. I was replaced. They had no say in it either and had no truth. Bottom line... .old guy out, new guy in... caring parents will believe their child and support her. Even if they sense the dupe it's just easier to go along with what's presented. It's human nature.

They certainly were not going to bat for me... that's life! ... .and God knows what tales she spun about me? Most painful loss that I ever went through on so many levels.

[Infern0]

Yes, I'm pissed at my x in-laws big time. They went NC on me after I sent them a letter explaining what their daughter had done to destroy our marriage.

Never heard back from them, aside fro one text from the x mother in law 6 months later.

I was not only emotionally abused by my xw. I was also emotionally abused by my x father in law. Just less frequently.

For example, last Christmas I was given a dog bed by my x father in law. After I opened it he said, "I was the dog of the family", and laughed.

That's only a taste of what her BPD father would dish out to me. According to him, no one was good enough for his daughter.

He did warn me about his daughter before I married her. But only gave a hint that she was going to be demanding and hard to please.

That was such an understatement to say the least.

Sounds like the x father in law needed a good thrashing

[TheDude]

Mine was pretty much estranged from her entire extended family by the time I met her, to the point of being universally banned from all weddings and funerals. Not that I ever will, but boy, would I love to hear their sides of the stories... .

[hurting300]

If you think about it, normally the rest of the family is "off" also. That's how it is in my case.

[mywifecrazy]

My uBPDxw's sister TRIED to warn me that my uBPDxw's stories of being abused by her boyfriend previous to me were lies and that he never abused her. I was already deep in the FOG so I didn't take heed of her warnings. As a matter of fact I was enraged at this sister as I was also told of how my uBPDxw was abused by her father and brother so I thought the whole family was screwed up and that my uBPDxw was a victim/damsel in distress.

20 years later I find out post divorce that it was my uBPDxw who was the one that was screwed up and that her family were the victims of her lies and manipulations. I also Found out that she had SECRETLY painted me black years ago and was telling people that I physically and sexually abused her.

Unlike others in this thread I ended up with a good relationship with my uBPDxw's family. When all the lies were exposed we (her family and me) realized that she portrayed us all as abusers to several new supplies. She (uBPDxw) has abandoned her family and hasn't had a relationship for the last 18 months. My X-In law family has reached out to me and has kept a relationship going with me and my sons. We still get together for family gatherings which has been nice. They all have told me they are saddened to lose their daughter/sister but they feel like they have gained a son/brother in me 

PS. My experience has told me to be careful when parents or families are accused of abuse. I believed this when my uBPDxw accused her family. In the end she accused me of the same thing   

MWC... .

[Hope0807]

  agreed!

Mine warned me about her anger. My Ex called it her "getting frustrated" or "attitude" and admitted it was part of what drove a previous bf to leave her. I wasn't as mad about that, I was warned.

What I felt, about a year before things really started going downhill (after D2 was born) was that I was thinking, "It's almost like her parents didn't teach her right from wrong." This is totally subjective, of course, but I felt as there were gaping holes or empty areas in her moral make up. Before I began to learn about BPD, I just couldn't understand how she treated those closest to her as she did (me, the kids sometimes, her family members, even her mom). Though her mom Parentified her, I realized that she was trapped by culture and also a formerly violent, but still emotionally detached and serially adulterous husband and father to my Ex. Unlike her mom, my Ex knows better on some level. She's even admitted it, but lapses back into the same behaviors, now pointed at our children.

As for her family, perhaps they do the best that they can do to keep some sense of normality without everything flying apart. PD or not, it happens in a lot of families, no?

[Hope0807]

I absolutely love stumbling upon these one line zingers on this board that make me smile!  Addams Family fkers 

Still though I have horrible memories of those warped Addams Family fkers.

[Hope0807]

My ex has a wonderful family too that would like to maintain contact, but I'm feeling very self conscious about it.  They invite me AFTER the ex declines.  I also feel like part of the invitations are out of pity, but that may be my own problem I need to work on.

As for your P.S. - I agree there!  I believed my ex for years about his mother having ruined his childhood with her rages and negative energy.  The family did confirm that she wasn't the most pleasant of people, but I did hear even from the ex's NON PD siblings that the mother was extremely loving toward and pretty much considered my uPDexH her "favorite".  I'm finding more and more stories of PDs who USE their parents as scapegoats.  It's truly not always an environment/abuse issue.  Thanks for sharing!

Unlike others in this thread I ended up with a good relationship with my uBPDxw's family. When all the lies were exposed we (her family and me) realized that she portrayed us all as abusers to several new supplies. She (uBPDxw) has abandoned her family and hasn't had a relationship for the last 18 months. My X-In law family has reached out to me and has kept a relationship going with me and my sons. We still get together for family gatherings which has been nice. They all have told me they are saddened to lose their daughter/sister but they feel like they have gained a son/brother in me 

PS. My experience has told me to be careful when parents or families are accused of abuse. I believed this when my uBPDxw accused her family. In the end she accused me of the same thing   

MWC... .

[fred6]

I'm not actually mad at them, I'm kind of disappointed with them though. My exgf's son, brother, and step brother all use the word "crazy" when referring to my exgf. Hell, she calls herself crazy. She brought me into her family and I actually felt like part of the family. Her parents are almost like my 2nd parents. I actually sat down and talked to them on Christmas eve for 30 minutes and they were very friendly towards me. The last time I talked to them before I moved out of my ex's house, they admitted that she had issues. But they don't do anything about it and enable her behavior. They give her money, cook her dinner, do her yard work, fold her clothes, and clean up her house. Not to mention other assorted "help".

I think that they just let her be and don't want to deal with her. It seems like everyone in her family is scared of her or doesn't want to make her mad for some reason. Also, I haven't heard from anyone since I left. I have to initiate contact with her family. About half of her family is friendly with me, the other half I haven't talked to. Her older brother won't even reply to me, not sure what that's about. We always got along pretty well.

At the end of the day, it seems that they go along with whatever she does and don't want to get involved.

[Infared]

My uBPDxw's sister TRIED to warn me that my uBPDxw's stories of being abused by her boyfriend previous to me were lies and that he never abused her. I was already deep in the FOG so I didn't take heed of her warnings. As a matter of fact I was enraged at this sister as I was also told of how my uBPDxw was abused by her father and brother so I thought the whole family was screwed up and that my uBPDxw was a victim/damsel in distress.

20 years later I find out post divorce that it was my uBPDxw who was the one that was screwed up and that her family were the victims of her lies and manipulations. I also Found out that she had SECRETLY painted me black years ago and was telling people that I physically and sexually abused her.

Unlike others in this thread I ended up with a good relationship with my uBPDxw's family. When all the lies were exposed we (her family and me) realized that she portrayed us all as abusers to several new supplies. She (uBPDxw) has abandoned her family and hasn't had a relationship for the last 18 months. My X-In law family has reached out to me and has kept a relationship going with me and my sons. We still get together for family gatherings which has been nice. They all have told me they are saddened to lose their daughter/sister but they feel like they have gained a son/brother in me 

PS. My experience has told me to be careful when parents or families are accused of abuse. I believed this when my uBPDxw accused her family. In the end she accused me of the same thing   

MWC... .

MWC

Cool... .after all you have been through I am glad to hear that you have been given understanding and validation from an unlikely source. You deserve it.   

[Rise]

I am actually extremely close with my ex's family. We do holidays and birthdays together, I talk talk to the mother on the phone once a week, and I try to make it over to her house for family dinner at least once a month. They are all a mess in their own ways (their mother tries too hard to make everyone happy, the youngest sister is a stubborn Type A personality, the middle sister is... .well a middle child), but none of them come close to my ex, and despite their flaws they are on the whole, good, loving people. I have never seen anything in the family dynamic that comes close to explaining how my ex ended up as damaged as she is. Truthfully, I'm probably never going to know why she is the way she is, because I can't really see it coming from her family.

As far as being mad at them... .yes, they all played their part in enabling her behaviors, but honestly so did I for a long time. They were trying to do what was best for their loved one, and even if they got it wrong, I can't be mad at them for that. Heck, her mother still has trouble facing down the fact her daughter has BIG issues (she's better now that we talk about them together, but you can tell it's still painful thing for her to accept), but I get it. It's hard for her to see her own daughter suffer, and know that she can't really do anything.

[SlyQQ]

I have repeatedly warned my BPDs boyfriend to the extent i can without endangering anyone an practically begged him to get psyche help ... to no avail