I'm just so very sad

[rosie99]

Hi. I am new here. My beautiful 23 yr old daughter has BPD and OCD with severe anxiety/depression issues. I am just so sad and can't stop crying.

A little back story. I always had a hard time understanding my daughter. As a baby she was never happy or content, always screaming. She was my firstborn, so I just thought it was normal baby behavior. As I look back on it, she was definitely different. My ex and I had a very dysfunctional relationship. He has OCD but also I think he has BPD traits. Never understood him either. Always walking on eggshells in order to not make him mad. But he never would acknowledge that he had a problem until he diagnosed himself with OCD at the age of 39 ( he is an MD) He put himself on Prozac and never did therapy. Also, I was never allowed to talk about anything that might make him uncomfortable. Needless to say we divorced when my daughter was 8. She had been very close to him and the divorce really took a toll on her. He had a girlfriend and pretty much left and moved in with a whole new family. At age 12 her 15 year old cousin , who she was extremely close  died in a car accident. I believe this started her downward spiral.

Her OCD symptoms started to really become extreme after her cousin died. She was put on Prozac after numerous psychiatric consultations. We live in a small town so therapy was limited. When she was in high school she became unable to function. I took her to a therapist who began CBT which seemed to help her OCD/social anxiety. Then she went to college. I thought she was doing fine until I realized she was self mutilating, throwing up, sleeping with every guy she met and basically hated herself and the world. I took her to another doctor who diagnosed BPD and severe depression, even on Prozac.  I love my daughter more than anything, but just recently have realized that everything is a lie with her. And she is so manipulative and irresponsible. Its like she is still a child. Her father pays for everything, she has no responsibility except to go to classes. She has never had a job. I don't think she could even get a job. When I call her out on her behavior and irresponsibility she tells me that I hate her and that she is just a terrible human being. She has been going to a psychiatrist but according to her he just sits and listens  and is not helping. She says she desperately wants help and does not want to live like this. I have had people tell me that she is just spoiled. I refuse to believe this. I am at a loss for what to do. It makes me so sad to realize she is living in such pain everyday of her life. I guess my question is, what is the best therapy for BPD? Is it DBT? And how do you find the right therapist? Is it just trial and error? I am shocked at how bad some of these "professionals" are. She really does want help.  Anyway, thank-you for letting me vent.  This site is wonderful and lets me know that I am not alone in this struggle.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[NorthernGirl]

Hello rosie99 and welcome 

I'm so sorry that you have been through such a difficult time with your daughter. It must be very painful to see all that is going on to your beautiful daughter. I'm glad you found our site as you've already come to realize you are not alone.

I've come to learn that BPD has an impact on everyone around the person who has it. There is usually lots of manipulation and chaos. And of course lots of guilt to go around. I suggest you go to the Parenting a son or daughter suffering from BPD board where you will find some great resources, but some other parents who can offer you some ideas and support.

Does your daughter acknowledge her BPD?

Welcome aboard.

[Kwamina]

Hi rosie99

Welcome to bpdfamily. I am very sorry your daughter is dealing with these issues. BPD is quite a challenging disorder and having to deal with a child with BPD can definitely take a toll on you. There is hope though! Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) has been proven to be effective for certain people with BPD. For the therapy to be effective, it is essential that the participants fully acknowledge their issues and fully commit to working on them. Knowing that, I find it verry encouraging that you believe your daughter really wants help. You are already familiar with DBT and you can read some more about it here:

Dialectical Behavior Therapy

I'd also like to bring the website DBT Self Help to your attention. This is a website for people who are seeking information about DBT. Have you heard of it before? The unique thing about DBT Self Help is that it is written primarily by people who have been through DBT themselves. Perhaps you and your daughter can benefit from taking a look there.

You definitely aren't alone here!  Many of our members know what it's like to have a child with BPD. You can read their stories on the parenting board. You can also share more of your own story there and ask for advice on specific issues.