On the pedestal or under it.

[hope2727]

Well I commented to a friend recently that my ex either has people on a pedestal or under it. There is no halfway for him.

My friend replied that I had put my ex on a pedestal myself in a way, when in reality my friend thought that the ex's initial behaviours were  the most basic and appropriate behaviours of someone in a relationship. So in short my friend (male) thinks that I don't have high enough standards for the men in my life.

So that has given me something to mull over. I have always felt my ex was and is a blessing. If nothing else he taught me how to be treated well in the initial years. Likewise he taught me how to not allow myself to be treated in the devaluation phase.

So does anyone else here feel they didn't set the bar high enough for partners in their lives?

[billypilgrim]

I know I didn't.  My family and friends have told me as much.  And looking back at things now, I agree.  Not really sure what I was doing.  But your friend is right, we do put them on a pedestal.  We have to.  We take care of them and meet heir needs.  We put them before us.  How else could we justify doing so much for one person if we didn't put them on a pedestal?  The only difference is that most of us intended to keep them on that pedestal as opposed to being taken off of theirs.

[Deeno02]

I thought we had both did well finding each other like we did. Turns out I was placed on the pedestal. Then I was beaten with it. I wasnt good enough.

[rollercoaster24]

I think if he got his way my head might have been under it!