Bpdexgf in a bad place but still silence from her.

[Splitblack4good]

So it's been almost 8 weeks since I broke up with my exBPDgf (2 days after I regretted it tried getting her back) she got a new bf within 24 hours he was not a replacement that was set up by her as I broke up with her and usual stuff happening between me and her for the first 2/3 weeks after the split and she made it clear Id hurt her and wanted to carry on with her new bf but at the same time wasn't sure how she feels about me as Id abandoned her ! The I hate you , this is all your fault blaming , abusive texts etc . I stayed in L/C for about 3 weeks and replys from her we're getting fewer and far between . My replacement moved in her house pretty much instantly due to her lack of impulse control. Plus it worked out very well for him as a week before he met my ex he had just come out of prison and was pretty much homeless ! .

Over the last 6 weeks it's clear that to my replacement to him it's more of a conveniance relationship as this guy she just grabbed him the day after the split because she didn't want to be on her own and my replacement needed somewhere to live ! It started out as what would have been a one night stand however he stayed at my exes house and hasn't left since ! Now 8 weeks on they are in a relationship my ex is clearly delusional towards this guy due to her BPD and it's clear that he is just using her as he is homeless , jobless and can not drive and is also a drug dealer she is driving him every were for his drug deals , washing his clothes and has got a roof over his head rent free !

I'm fairly good freinds with one of his now ex freinds and we can both clearly see ther is no emotional attachment to her from him and just using her andy ex is clearly infatuated and in Love with him .

I've since found out that they send 24/7 together they have been arguing a hell of a lot to the point that the police were called to her house Xmas eve ! He belittles her with sarcasm infront of people and is clearly calling the shots he knows she lies a lot and knows she has had contact with me in this time and he's not bothered in the slightest so it's clear to everyone that it's just a convenient relationship for him and a deluded fantasy relaitionship for my ex .

I got a call out the blue Xmas eve and she was a little upset about the way things had happened since we split and said she didn't want things to be like this between us she also said she has fallen out with all of her freinds now and they don't want anything more to do with her due to her new bf and made a clear point of saying she has left unblocked on her Mobile phone. She wished me a good Xmas stated crying and hung up ! I'm Assuming at this point she is started to devalue my replacement due to the arguments and living in each other pockets 24/7 . I acted indifferent on the phone i was doing this to protect myself for than anything but it nearly killed me inside as id love nothing more than have her back . I'm Not sure now that was the best thing for me to have done because since then she has been very cold towards me and ignored my last few texts I've sent her since the day after boxing day and is acting more than detached from me ! I've stayed NC since been about 5 days now .

The bit that's conffusing the most is if things are going that bad with my replacement and the arguments are getting worse than before How come she is ignored me and send more detached than ever ? I've since found out aswell my replacement has moved is best mate into her house as he to was homeless and been ther for 6 weeks now and my ex has asked him to leave but is refusing to do so and is best mates with my replacement so he's pretty much in control over the whole situation and it's clear they are both using my ex and taking over her and her 4 children's home but she is so deluded to see what's clear happening here !

I might be over thinking this but what do I do now ? Do I text her once a month so she knows I'm still here but get ignored and get the impression she doesn't care or stay NC ? I know that I'm still a contact in her phone and my numbers still unblocked so this is confusing aswell ?

Do you think she is wanting me to chase her but with no intention of texting me back ? Is she testing me ?


Or does she just not give a dam anymore ? Any opinions and advice here on what is the best way to further go about this would be appreciated.

[Infern0]

You haven't become self aware yet as evidenced by your post,  which is fine because you are in the early stages.


Are you wanting her back?  If so the undecided boards may be better for you.

In my opinion in your situation don't do anything.  She will come to you if she wants to reconnect.  Chasing tends to drive them further away.

[Splitblack4good]

So do I move on and just assume she's never gona contact me again ?

I can't see things ending well with this mess she's got herself into here and got 2 men that she has known for a total of 8 weeks living in her house with her 4 children clearly trying to take over !

I Did try to tell her to get out if this 3 weeks ago before it got out of hand but typical BPD it fell on def ears and she'll prob be to afraid and shamed to reach out to me when things get even more messy witch it's clear is gona happen as it's got bad already .

She told me in her last text to me on Xmas day her heads a mess but is giving me the silent treatment ever since so I've gone NC now I really don't know what else to do here ?

[Splitblack4good]

You haven't become self aware yet as evidenced by your post,  which is fine because you are in the early stages.


Are you wanting her back?  If so the undecided boards may be better for you.

In my opinion in your situation don't do anything.  She will come to you if she wants to reconnect.  Chasing tends to drive them further away.

Thanks inferno yes I've heard that chasing does push them further away so I've gone NC now however her call to me out the blue Xmas eve seemed like she was upset and was maybe seeing how emotionialy involved I am still but made out like I didn't care but I do really I'm a little worried she has taken that as I really don't care or love her anymore and she won't contact me again she struggles to reach out to me as in the past when we split up back I'm the summer she nearly killed herself slowly over 2 months as she got hooked on drugs and fell into deep depression and it was her freind that contacted and told me that she was bad and could I go round ther as she was worried . My ex even said she didn't reach out to me as I told her it was over and she thought I didn't care as I went NC .

[Infern0]

So do I move on and just assume she's never gona contact me again ?

I can't see things ending well with this mess she's got herself into here and got 2 men that she has known for a total of 8 weeks living in her house with her 4 children clearly trying to take over !

I Did try to tell her to get out if this 3 weeks ago before it got out of hand but typical BPD it fell on def ears and she'll prob be to afraid and shamed to reach out to me when things get even more messy witch it's clear is gona happen as it's got bad already .

She told me in her last text to me on Xmas day her heads a mess but is giving me the silent treatment ever since so I've gone NC now I really don't know what else to do here ?

Mine gave me the silent treatment December 17th. December 31st she came crawling back.

You say you can't see things ending well for her and I agree.  But you ought to be concentrating on yourself right now. You are overthinking and ruminating which is real unhealthy.  She knows you are there and trust me she WILL call you or text you if SHE wants to talk to you.  You can't fight splitting and push/pull.  It's like fighting a riptide,  you just get worn out and drown. If you lie back the current will take you back to shore.

Focus on yourself,  it's likely she will be back but in the meantime focus on YOURSELF

[Infern0]

Just read your second post.

My opinion based on that,  text her simply "I'm here if you want to talk"

And leave it at that

[hurting300]

So true .

[Splitblack4good]

Just read your second post.

My opinion based on that,  text her simply "I'm here if you want to talk"

And leave it at that

Thanks guys I think that's what I will do I will send her one text today and it keep it that simple.

[HappyNihilist]

Now 8 weeks on they are in a relationship my ex is clearly delusional towards this guy due to her BPD and it's clear that he is just using her as he is homeless , jobless and can not drive and is also a drug dealer she is driving him every were for his drug deals , washing his clothes and has got a roof over his head rent free !

I'm fairly good freinds with one of his now ex freinds and we can both clearly see ther is no emotional attachment to her from him and just using her andy ex is clearly infatuated and in Love with him .

I've since found out that they send 24/7 together they have been arguing a hell of a lot to the point that the police were called to her house Xmas eve ! He belittles her with sarcasm infront of people and is clearly calling the shots he knows she lies a lot and knows she has had contact with me in this time and he's not bothered in the slightest so it's clear to everyone that it's just a convenient relationship for him and a deluded fantasy relaitionship for my ex .

it's clear they are both using my ex and taking over her and her 4 children's home but she is so deluded to see what's clear happening here !

You are far too focused on your exgf's new relationship. This is not only an exercise in futility, but also is a distraction from focusing on yourself and your healing.

You keep saying that all of these things are "clear" to you and "everyone else" but not to your "deluded" exgf. Unfortunately, things are rarely as clear as they seem from the outside. Maybe you and your friends are right. But maybe she's not a deluded victim. Maybe she knows he's "using" her, and she's "using" him too. Maybe they both think they're madly in love with each other.

Believe me, I understand feeling concerned about your exgf's wellbeing. You care about her, and about her children, and it hurts you to think of her being used.

But she's an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and who is entitled to live her life the way she chooses. You have no control over what she does, and will only torment yourself unless you accept this.

Instead, it will be more helpful if you refocus on what you can control -- which is yourself.

I acted indifferent on the phone i was doing this to protect myself for than anything but it nearly killed me inside as id love nothing more than have her back .

It's good that you're aware of a need to protect yourself. But I'm getting some uncertainty about what you want.

You'd love nothing more to have her back -- Do you mean that you genuinely want another chance at the relationship? Do you mean that, while you'd love to be back with her, you think it's a bad idea for you, and you want to detach?

I'm Not sure now that was the best thing for me to have done because since then she has been very cold towards me and ignored my last few texts I've sent her since the day after boxing day and is acting more than detached from me ! I've stayed NC since been about 5 days now .

It's hard to feel like we know what the "best" thing to do is when we're not sure what we want.

What is your goal here? Do you want to another try at the relationship, or do you want to detach? Be honest with yourself. No one here will judge you either way.

but what do I do now ? Do I text her once a month so she knows I'm still here but get ignored and get the impression she doesn't care or stay NC ? I know that I'm still a contact in her phone and my numbers still unblocked so this is confusing aswell ?

Regardless of whether or not you wish for another chance at the relationship, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself.

Whether or not you agree with her choice, right now she is in another relationship. Use this time to focus on You. In all likelihood, she'll reach out again eventually. If, when she's not in a r/s, she reaches out and you want to re-engage, then you'll be in a far better place with yourself -- which will be better for both of you. And if you decide for complete detachment instead, then you'll still be in a far better place with yourself. It's a win-win. 

[Splitblack4good]

Now 8 weeks on they are in a relationship my ex is clearly delusional towards this guy due to her BPD and it's clear that he is just using her as he is homeless , jobless and can not drive and is also a drug dealer she is driving him every were for his drug deals , washing his clothes and has got a roof over his head rent free !

I'm fairly good freinds with one of his now ex freinds and we can both clearly see ther is no emotional attachment to her from him and just using her andy ex is clearly infatuated and in Love with him .

I've since found out that they send 24/7 together they have been arguing a hell of a lot to the point that the police were called to her house Xmas eve ! He belittles her with sarcasm infront of people and is clearly calling the shots he knows she lies a lot and knows she has had contact with me in this time and he's not bothered in the slightest so it's clear to everyone that it's just a convenient relationship for him and a deluded fantasy relaitionship for my ex .

it's clear they are both using my ex and taking over her and her 4 children's home but she is so deluded to see what's clear happening here !

You are far too focused on your exgf's new relationship. This is not only an exercise in futility, but also is a distraction from focusing on yourself and your healing.

You keep saying that all of these things are "clear" to you and "everyone else" but not to your "deluded" exgf. Unfortunately, things are rarely as clear as they seem from the outside. Maybe you and your friends are right. But maybe she's not a deluded victim. Maybe she knows he's "using" her, and she's "using" him too. Maybe they both think they're madly in love with each other.

Believe me, I understand feeling concerned about your exgf's wellbeing. You care about her, and about her children, and it hurts you to think of her being used.

But she's an adult who is capable of making her own decisions and who is entitled to live her life the way she chooses. You have no control over what she does, and will only torment yourself unless you accept this.

Instead, it will be more helpful if you refocus on what you can control -- which is yourself.

I acted indifferent on the phone i was doing this to protect myself for than anything but it nearly killed me inside as id love nothing more than have her back .

It's good that you're aware of a need to protect yourself. But I'm getting some uncertainty about what you want.

You'd love nothing more to have her back -- Do you mean that you genuinely want another chance at the relationship? Do you mean that, while you'd love to be back with her, you think it's a bad idea for you, and you want to detach?

I'm Not sure now that was the best thing for me to have done because since then she has been very cold towards me and ignored my last few texts I've sent her since the day after boxing day and is acting more than detached from me ! I've stayed NC since been about 5 days now .

It's hard to feel like we know what the "best" thing to do is when we're not sure what we want.

What is your goal here? Do you want to another try at the relationship, or do you want to detach? Be honest with yourself. No one here will judge you either way.

but what do I do now ? Do I text her once a month so she knows I'm still here but get ignored and get the impression she doesn't care or stay NC ? I know that I'm still a contact in her phone and my numbers still unblocked so this is confusing aswell ?

Regardless of whether or not you wish for another chance at the relationship, the best thing you can do is take care of yourself.

Whether or not you agree with her choice, right now she is in another relationship. Use this time to focus on You. In all likelihood, she'll reach out again eventually. If, when she's not in a r/s, she reaches out and you want to re-engage, then you'll be in a far better place with yourself -- which will be better for both of you. And if you decide for complete detachment instead, then you'll still be in a far better place with yourself. It's a win-win.  

I would like another go at the relationship and she also knows she has BPD and admitted to me in the past but in a non direct way I guess she was to ashamed to as when she has told ex bfs in the past she has a mental illness they run a mile ! And tbh I wish I'd researched it at the time but I didnt if I did it would of explained a lot and we would most likely still be together now and it wouldn't of ended so badly and shear even be getting the treatment she needs with my help .she wants the right and correct treatment but doesn't know how or was to affraid to ask about getting help as her pairents have washed ther hands of her and Arnt interested even in finding out why she is the way she is even tho it's ther doin in the first place as they gave her up from new born baby to 6yrs old wen they took her back but Even then neglected her and also knows she's a massive part of why her relationships fail . She's pushed every single freind she has ever had away it's so sad if only Id looked into BPD before hand it sucks ! Trying to convince her now that I love her and want to help her with her illness is useless and she's not having it as she has now split me black and said to me "you abandoned me you are just like everyone else I can not trust now " hearing this does hurt as I want to help her with treatment coz I love her and her kids and I beleive we can have the future we want as long as she puts the effort in with therapy and she wants that but with a lot of support witch I'm willing to give her but she won't give me the chance now .

I'm worried I may have lost her for good and it hurts to see her ruining her life even more and also messing her kids heads up further by having yet another step dad and another failed relaitionship . I even heard she is trying to get pregnant with him after only 8 weeks ! Just shows how desperate she is not to be alone ! If that happens then it will be kid number 5 and no dad around wen is she ever gone learn ! And also it will kill me inside because I know I could of given her the life she despratly longs for but it be a lot more healthy rather than BPD fantasy .

[Mutt]

She may not trust you and a part if the disorder is that she doesn't trust herself either.

You may or may not be aware are other boards on the site. If you're not finished. Another option is to explore this on the Undecided board. The Leaving is to detach from a failed r/s and to heal the wounds.

On the Undecided board you can step back and look at the bigger picture.

Splitting is a primitive defense mechanism to protect against anxiety and stress. It's not something that she controls or can be controlled externally. I can relate. Being split bad is not fun.

[Splitblack4good]

She may not trust you and a part if the disorder is that she doesn't trust herself either.

You may or may not be aware are other boards on the site. If you're not finished. Another option is to explore this on the Undecided board. The Leaving is to detach from a failed r/s and to heal the wounds.

On the Undecided board you can step back and look at the bigger picture.

Splitting is a primitive defense mechanism to protect against anxiety and stress. It's not something that she controls or can be controlled externally. I can relate. Being split bad is not fun.

Thanks mutt Yer I guess I am undecided but at this stage she is defiantly decided ! I can only assume she knows it's goin bad with the new guy but in her mind it's safer for her to continue trying with the new relaitionship than it is coming back to me as you say its the trust issue due to BPD its also frustraighting for me as trying to get her to see I love her and only want the best for her is hard .

[HappyNihilist]

I would like another go at the relationship

You will probably find it more helpful to post on the Staying and Undecided boards, then. People on the Leaving boards are attempting to detach from relationships, so "run away!" is probably going to be a good bit of your advice here.  

And tbh I wish I'd researched it at the time but I didnt if I did it would of explained a lot and we would most likely still be together now and it wouldn't of ended so badly and shear even be getting the treatment she needs with my help .

Do you honestly believe that, if only you'd researched BPD more thoroughly, now she would be committed to therapy and the two of you would be happily together?

You do not have the power to "save" her. Only she can go to therapy, work on herself, and improve how she handles relationships. No matter how much you research BPD, it won't change that very basic truth. You can't shoulder that sort of burden or responsibility. It's an ideal you can never realistically hope to achieve.

Don't get me wrong, it's very helpful to understand the disorder even if you're not hoping for another chance at the r/s. By understanding the disorder, we can better understand what needs of ours were fulfilled in our relationships. And especially if you want to try again, learning about BPD is helpful.

But I want you to be realistic here. You could not have changed the overall outcome, because it was dependent upon her disorder, and completely out of your control.

I beleive we can have the future we want as long as she puts the effort in with therapy and she wants that but with a lot of support witch I'm willing to give her but she won't give me the chance now .

If she is serious about going to therapy, then she will go to therapy.

You can't do it for her. You're not in any way required to be there. She is an adult, and only she can do this for herself.

wen is she ever gone learn !

When she is forced to face the consequences of her actions because no one will enable her anymore.

And also it will kill me inside because I know I could of given her the life she despratly longs for but it be a lot more healthy rather than BPD fantasy .

What do you mean by "BPD fantasy"?

What do you feel makes your relationship with her more healthy for the two of you?

Do you honestly feel that you can have a healthy relationship with her? Was your relationship ever what you would call healthy?

[Mutt]

Thanks mutt Yer I guess I am undecided but at this stage she is defiantly decided ! I can only assume she knows it's goin bad with the new guy but in her mind it's safer for her to continue trying with the new relaitionship than it is coming back to me as you say its the trust issue due to BPD its also frustraighting for me as trying to get her to see I love her and only want the best for her is hard .

It's speculation. We can't guess what goes through her mind.

I can relate. It's hard seeing a loved one with BPD go through dysfunctional motions. Our love can't fix or cure the disorder. Our love isn't above the disorder.

What helped me is I had to accept reality and that my ex mentally ill with a complex disorder. She's in denial.

I radically accepted her for whom she is. I let her go. I didn't want to be an enabler and a part of the dysfunction any longer. I'm an important person with my own wants and needs. Tough love.

What about your needs?

[Splitblack4good]

Just read your second post.

My opinion based on that,  text her simply "I'm here if you want to talk"

And leave it at that

Would it be a bad idea to tell her I love her in this last text to her along with im here for you if you want to talk ? Or would that likley be a trigger ? And she will run further ?

[hurting300]

Just read your second post.

My opinion based on that,  text her simply "I'm here if you want to talk"

And leave it at that

Would it be a bad idea to tell her I love her in this last text to her along with im here for you if you want to talk ? Or would that likley be a trigger ? And she will run further ?

We can't tell you what to say to your girlfriend, only you know her well enough to know if that is a good idea or not. People with BPD are not all the same, it's a spectrum disorder. Now it is true they follow what seems to be a similar script . But tell her you will be there if she needs you and leave it at that, or you might push her away.

[Splitblack4good]

Just read your second post.

My opinion based on that,  text her simply "I'm here if you want to talk"

And leave it at that

Would it be a bad idea to tell her I love her in this last text to her along with im here for you if you want to talk ? Or would that likley be a trigger ? And she will run further ?

We can't tell you what to say to your girlfriend, only you know her well enough to know if that is a good idea or not. People with BPD are not all the same, it's a spectrum disorder. Now it is true they follow what seems to be a similar script . But tell her you will be there if she needs you and leave it at that, or you might push her away.

Think I might of pushed her away anyway tbh . Just so god dam annoying that she thinks I don't care or love her .

I'm gona send the text then right her number down and put it somewhere out of reach then delete her number from my phone so I'm not tepmted and just hope for the best in the meantime work on myself and goals .

[hurting300]

Why would you write her number down then delete it? Have you ever thought she just projecting? Or trying to control you? Or just wanting to breakup for good? See how many possible things it could be? That's why you need to not delete her number just yet... leave her alone for two weeks and work on yourself ok buddy. The last thing you want to make her more distant. By leaving it be, she cool off.

[Splitblack4good]

Why would you write her number down then delete it? Have you ever thought she just projecting? Or trying to control you? Or just wanting to breakup for good? See how many possible things it could be? That's why you need to not delete her number just yet... leave her alone for two weeks and work on yourself ok buddy. The last thing you want to make her more distant. By leaving it be, she cool off.

If I delete it from my phone I wont be tempted to text her whilst am at work etc  if I write it down first and leave it at home in a draw or something out of sight  been no contact now for 4 days and it's getting easier . If she wanted to be apart for good I don't think she would of made any attempt to call me out the blue on Xmas eve after not talking to her for nearly 2 weeks . And even then she told me she is goin to leave me unblocked but gave no reason as to why ? But have text her since day after Boxing Day and got no reply so your guess is as good as mine ?

[SlyQQ]

the more he pushes her away the more she will chase him

[Splitblack4good]

the more he pushes her away the more she will chase him

? I can sort of see were your coming but at the same time I cant I have read before that if you push them away then go silent they think you have given up but if you could explain what you mean by this and your theory like to hear?

[SlyQQ]

Some BPD people i believe cant not let you have the last word they have to drop you ( not sure why maybe it is those with narcasistic tendencies) so they either leave in a livid huff or try an grab you back so they can drop you

[Splitblack4good]

Some BPD people i believe cant not let you have the last word they have to drop

you ( not sure why maybe it is those with narcasistic tendencies) so they either leave in a livid huff or try an grab you back so

they can drop you

Think you might be ther I text her thos " im here if you ever want to talk to me take care in the meantime " 10 mins later she rang ! I'm still not sure and bit conffused still but a lot clearer on wots happening now . To make this short she said stop texting me negative things ! It messes with head ! I don't want things to be nasty between us leave me alone ! I have people after me now because of you ( she is referring to her freinds she has fallen out with now and also my replacements now ex freinds ) and she is blaming me of course ! So I said why don't you block my number ? And why say don't text me full stop as opposed to stop textinge negative things ? And why ring me Xmas eve all upset ? This makes no sense to me I do love you and the kids . She said no you don't I can prove you don't ! Otherwise you wouldn't send me negative horrible things leave me alone .

She refused to answer all of the things I asked and hung up . So I text her this " I wanted closure 100% I can try to move on now with what you have said again I am sorry I hurt you and I love you take care I promise I will leave you alone as asked good bye "

She hasn't replied to that and I suppose il never truly know why she couldn't answer all of my questions il never prob get to know ? It was like she was telling me still text her ? Man my head is baked ! Lol I'm only guessing here but she wants me as a back up when the new relaitionship goes badly wrong I didn't mention her relaitionship in anyway just how I was feeling but she didnt seem to care much so I'm going to work on myself now and move on as it's defiantly over for good .

[EaglesJuju]

She refused to answer all of the things I asked and hung up . So I text her this " I wanted closure 100% I can try to move on now with what you have said again I am sorry I hurt you and I love you take care I promise I will leave you alone as asked good bye "

She hasn't replied to that and I suppose il never truly know why she couldn't answer all of my questions il never prob get to know ?

Do you feel that you texting her that gave you closure?  Are you okay with her possibly not answering your questions?

[Splitblack4good]

She refused to answer all of the things I asked and hung up . So I text her this " I wanted closure 100% I can try to move on now with what you have said again I am sorry I hurt you and I love you take care I promise I will leave you alone as asked good bye "

She hasn't replied to that and I suppose il never truly know why she couldn't answer all of my questions il never prob get to know ?

Do you feel that you texting her that gave you closure?  Are you okay with her possibly not answering your questions?

Yes in a way It did and I can move forward now rather than hanging in limbo It would have been better if she would of answered my quistions I thought they more than needed answer it's not as if they were petty questions .she didn't mention my replacement or Ther relationship normaly she would have and rub my face in it ! All I gathered from her call Is stop textinge negative things ? So still confused but least I've got something to work from and I've told her now that she told me to leave her alone I will they were her words so I'm going to respect that swallow it and move on with my life

[EaglesJuju]

Yes in a way It did and I can move forward now rather than hanging in limbo It would have been better if she would of answered my quistions I thought they more than needed answer it's not as if they were petty questions .she didn't mention my replacement or Ther relationship normaly she would have and rub my face in it ! All I gathered from her call Is stop textinge negative things ? So still confused but least I've got something to work from and I've told her now that she told me to leave her alone I will they were her words so I'm going to respect that swallow it and move on with my life

I understand how tough that is.     It is human nature to want to know why. It is really confusing when you do not get a clear answer.  That is the nature of BPD unfortunately.

It is really hard to depersonalize many of the behaviors. I am still working on depersonalizing the behaviors and truly accepting that they way my pwBPD behaves has nothing to do with me. 

The comment she made about texting negative things, is most likely projection/avoidance. 

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

[Splitblack4good]

Yes in a way It did and I can move forward now rather than hanging in limbo It would have been better if she would of answered my quistions I thought they more than needed answer it's not as if they were petty questions .she didn't mention my replacement or Ther relationship normaly she would have and rub my face in it ! All I gathered from her call Is stop textinge negative things ? So still confused but least I've got something to work from and I've told her now that she told me to leave her alone I will they were her words so I'm going to respect that swallow it and move on with my life

I understand how tough that is.     It is human nature to want to know why. It is really confusing when you do not get a clear answer.  That is the nature of BPD unfortunately.

It is really hard to depersonalize many of the behaviors. I am still working on depersonalizing the behaviors and truly accepting that they way my pwBPD behaves has nothing to do with me.  

The comment she made about texting negative things, is most likely projection/avoidance.  

Hang in there and take care of yourself.

She even called them abusive at one point ! But then it's BPD and  feelings equal facts for them what do you mean by projection I know what it is but how do you mean by her doin that right now ? She rang me so I could look at that 2 ways 1- she wanted to be clear to leave her be 2-she does care other wise ring at all ! If she doesn't care why not delete my number and hint texting her still just not negative things ? And just cut me off and block me ? I'm rolling with number 1 tho and see what happens it's the only choice she's really given me and what's also best for me so I can detach fully and heal

[hurting300]

Did you say abusive things to her?

[Splitblack4good]

Am I safe to think now that as she told me to leave her alone that she won't try to re engage later ? Due to making it clear that she wants nothing to do with me ? Surley if she did try later how can they go back on what they said ? Thers no way out of that right ? Plus if she was truly done with me why silently hint I can still text her provided its possitive ? I'm guessing it's for attention no other reason and would never try to re engage anyway . Man it's conffusing I feel better although I didn't hear what I wanted to today and excepting it is abit more easier now I just hope she sticks to what she said and doesn't call me or text me while I'm still abit vunrable ! It's like she told me to leave her alone but why in her mind is it ok for her to call me or text me ? I'm guessing when they need something I may be of some use or is it they like to have atatchments just for the sake of it ? And never come back .

[Splitblack4good]

Did you say abusive things to her?

No all I said once about 3 weeks ago was " why are you ignoring you got a new boyfreind overnight who does that to someone they say they love its a horrible thing to do as a person " she proberly read that as I was calling her a horrible person as she doesnt see what she has done as wrong .

I guess she will only welcome nice texts from me to validate her and that reason only ? That's the only reason I can think of and to why she wouldn't answer my quistion but I've made it clear she will not hear from me again based on her asking me to leave her alone . If she wants validation then she will have to seek it from her boyfriend I'm not doing it just to make her feel good and my feelings not being noticed and just go round in circles .