what did she reflect ?

[antjs]

hi all. it has been long since i came here (last august). and it has been a year since i have met my ex. today i went out with friends and i found them suggesting that we go chill in the same coffee shop where i had my first date with her nearly one year ago (25th of january 2014). we did go. i let my thinking and emotions wonder. i snapped out of it after couple of minutes. nothing really serious. my life has changed a lot. and thats good news and a live example for you. you need hope. its really what you need in such time cause i have been there once and oh god it was the darkest days of my life. i am still learning about myself and progressing and filtering my life and cutting the crap and getting better.

one thing that i still can not fully understand. i really want to know more about myself. it is the mirroring. and how she used herself as a mirror so that i would idealize her back. but in reality "I FELL IN LOVE WITH MYSELF". though this sentence give me goose bumps every time i hear but still i can not fully understand it.

if she was mirroring me then i was really watching a wonderful and a fantastic person. a very honest kind funny witty intelligent person. yet i do not like who i was back then after the lessons i have learned during this roller coaster experience. this person is also dependent, have low confidence, seeking assurance, transference of what he feels about his parents and having lots of unresolved issues. but really if she was literally mirroring me then i am wow i really fell in love with myself cause i am really awesome. if she was just a mirror then what i could see in the mirror is a wonderful creature.

if someone did read enough valid info about mirroring and could help with this. it is appreciated.

[cosmonaut]

I can't claim to be any sort of expert, but it seems that most of the disorder remains unknown even to experts in the field.  Just reading this forum it is clear that there is a fantastic spectrum of what BPD can be and the innumerable permutations in which it can manifest.  I suppose the best that we can hope for are some generalities of a disorder that defies any sort of concrete answers.  Just as clinical depression varies tremendously in how sufferers experience it and how they respond to it, so too does BPD.

So much of what is written about BPD is in metaphor and simile which adds further layers of abstraction to a disorder that is already only hazily understood.  The concept of mirroring itself is a murky one variously described as mimicking actions, emotions, ideals or desires of others.  For myself, I am not convinced that all pwBPD mirror.  At least I am rather certain that the degree of mirroring varies considerably.  I have spent far too many hours analyzing my relationship with my ex and while I can see some faint outlines of mirroring, it is dwarfed by the amount that clearly wasn't mirrored.  Things I don't believe.  Tastes I don't share.  Dreams I don't have.  So, while I did experience a connection with my ex of such intimacy and intensity like nothing I have ever known, I still fail to see how it was due to mirroring.  Perhaps you are the same.  My sincere belief is that what we experienced wasn't illusion or mirage - it was real.  Very real.  But doomed.  Nothing more, but nothing less.

What do you think?

[Blimblam]

It's kind of like you hVe a little kid with you and they like whatever you like and are on their best behavior so you don't abandon them in the middle of the desert they see what they think you want them to be and try their best to be that for you. 

[Blimblam]

It's kind of like you hVe a little kid with you and they like whatever you like and are on their best behavior so you don't abandon them in the middle of the desert they see what they think you want them to be and try their best to be that for you. 

It depends on how much Narc she was.  But a pwBPD sort of adapts to the vibe they detect in you and what you want them to be. They pick up your hobbies and traits.  Their love though is sort of from you though basically the source of love you both enjoy is sourced from you.

[Alberto]

In my opinion mirroring is not so important. Yeah I noticed they would use my expressions and would change to fit better in what they thought I wanted from a woman, but what really traps you is idealization. They simply validate every part of your personality, the good and the not so good.

You are in love with yourself because for the first time in your life all your attitudes, moods, ideas and decisions are fully embraced and apreciated by another person, that's why idealization is so intoxicating, it makes you feel good about yourself.

[Blimblam]

In my opinion mirroring is not so important. Yeah I noticed they would use my expressions and would change to fit better in what they thought I wanted from a woman, but what really traps you is idealization. They simply validate every part of your personality, the good and the not so good.

You are in love with yourself because for the first time in your life all your attitudes, moods, ideas and decisions are fully embraced and apreciated by another person, that's why idealization is so intoxicating, it makes you feel good about yourself.

Yeah I agree.

[jhkbuzz]

You are in love with yourself because for the first time in your life all your attitudes, moods, ideas and decisions are fully embraced and appreciated by another person, that's why idealization is so intoxicating, it makes you feel good about yourself.

Also not an expert here, but from what I've read it's actually not "for the first time in your life."

The very first time in your life was your experience as a baby - with your mother - and it's what makes the experience with your BPD partner so powerful (and difficult to recover from).

[Alberto]

You are in love with yourself because for the first time in your life all your attitudes, moods, ideas and decisions are fully embraced and appreciated by another person, that's why idealization is so intoxicating, it makes you feel good about yourself.

Also not an expert here, but from what I've read it's actually not "for the first time in your life."

The very first time in your life was your experience as a baby - with your mother - and it's what makes the experience with your BPD partner so powerful (and difficult to recover from).

Mothers will call you out on your bullsh** and later forgive you for your mistakes. When you're the object of a PwBPD, they don't seem to care about if you are right or wrong, they simply will do anything to be in good terms with you... .For a while.

[jhkbuzz]

You are in love with yourself because for the first time in your life all your attitudes, moods, ideas and decisions are fully embraced and appreciated by another person, that's why idealization is so intoxicating, it makes you feel good about yourself.

Also not an expert here, but from what I've read it's actually not "for the first time in your life."

The very first time in your life was your experience as a baby - with your mother - and it's what makes the experience with your BPD partner so powerful (and difficult to recover from).

Mothers will call you out on your bullsh** and later forgive you for your mistakes. When you're the object of a PwBPD, they don't seem to care about if you are right or wrong, they simply will do anything to be in good terms with you... .For a while.

I'm not referring to your overall experiences with your mother... .I'm talking about the very first experiences you had with your mother as a baby... .where you were "delighted in" and often mirrored.