Their choice of friends

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Mine has the kind of friends that I would not want in my life, but got stuck with and am trying to get unstuck.  What about yours?  How do you feel about their friends?

[Perdita]

Mine has the kind of friends that I would not want in my life, but got stuck with and am trying to get unstuck.  What about yours?  How do you feel about their friends?

[clydegriffith]

Aside from one girl she knew from HS, she didn't really have any friends. She just used people and her "friends" were mostly guys she previously worked with at her various jobs whom i'm sure she had sexual relations with at one point or another.

[misty_red]

My exBPDgf had no friends anymore. According to her they all did something disrespecting to her... .Yeah, well... .In her eyes I did something disrespecting to her as well... .

[CloseToFreedom]

My exBPDgf had no friends anymore. According to her they all did something disrespecting to her... .Yeah, well... .In her eyes I did something disrespecting to her as well... .

Same here, same here.

[billypilgrim]

There were one or two that I liked but most of them I won't be losing any sleep over.  The majority of them are superficial, fake, and self absorbed.  Not people I associate with.  Which is probably why our friends never really crossed paths.  They never hung out together outside of late night bars or bachelorette/birthday parties.  They hardly ever did things like meet for lunch.  Or meet for dinner.  Or come over to hang out.  And when they did, my ex would constantly complain that the conversation was dull or they didn't really talk to her.  It's almost like if they weren't drunk or out somewhere, they didn't want to be around each other.  I guess friends is used pretty loosely to describe them looking back on it all.  

[TheDude]

Friends? What friends?

[Popcorn71]

Friends? What friends?

I have to agree with this!  My xBPDh knew lots of people and was the life and soul of the party on a night out.  But he had no real friends except one who was just like him, but he died recently.  He always had a 'group' that he was friends with for a year or so, then they would vanish and he would be in with a new 'group'.  Nobody lasted with him.  Was it down to him discarding them or them seeing though him?  I don't know, but it always ended on a sour note.

[FrenchConnection]

Mine had one best friend but she lived over an hour away and they never saw each other but did talk often on the phone.  Apparently this best friend also has some PD issues.

Aside from that, she never really had any friends.  She chose to focus all her time on me. 

She is the life of the party and everyone loves her.  But really all alone in her life.

[Trog]

A bunch if waifs and strays, many if whom are either on the take, on of whom stole from her directly. Sadly, you inherit the friends who them borrow and don't pay back YOU! I don't keep in contact with a single one, almost all losers, one or two decent ones who saw her once in a blue moon.

[Tim300]

Mine (an attractive female) had difficulty keeping long-term female friends.  Both her and her mother even mentioned this fact at various points.  I think mine simply couldn't consistently be nice for a long period of time.  Guys would stick around and tolerate her attitude and chalk it up as "high maintenance" or PMS.  Women wouldn't stick around for it.  Also, why would she want female friends -- doesn't seem like women would have much to offer her.  Finally, I don't think she wanted to have female friends who spanned multiple boyfriends of hers, because they might connect the dots and she would be exposed.   

[paperlung]

Mine has no real true friends. She dropped out of high school in Grade 8 and never went back. She did end up graduating though through taking online courses.

She can't seem to befriend other women. And all her "guy friends" are either ex-boyfriends of just dudes she met off POF or Tinder. And you know what they say about either.

[Infern0]

Mine has two friends,  one npd and one hpd.

She follows them around like a little puppy who they occasionally turn around and kick in the face.

The hpd chick came on to me once in front of her own boyfriend when we all went to the beach together. 

I always found those girls odd because they were both really attractive but were dating these guys with mullets who looked like they had never heard of a shower and were just utter loser. 

HPD chick was rubbing her hands over my body and giving mullet man grief for being scrawny etc,  saying she wanted a guy with a hot body :-/

What was even weirder was my waif seemed happy and excited,  any other time a girl looked at me I got crap for it but I reckon she would have let me sleep with her hpd friend and probably asked to watch it!

Man she was weird

[hurting300]

Mine had all male friends pretty much. "Red flag"... but they were into drugs. But oh not her. Lol yeah right.

[workinprogress]

Mine has two friends,  one npd and one hpd.

She follows them around like a little puppy who they occasionally turn around and kick in the face.

The hpd chick came on to me once in front of her own boyfriend when we all went to the beach together. 

I always found those girls odd because they were both really attractive but were dating these guys with mullets who looked like they had never heard of a shower and were just utter loser. 

HPD chick was rubbing her hands over my body and giving mullet man grief for being scrawny etc,  saying she wanted a guy with a hot body :-/

What was even weirder was my waif seemed happy and excited,  any other time a girl looked at me I got crap for it but I reckon she would have let me sleep with her hpd friend and probably asked to watch it!

Man she was weird

What I've found is that her friends have no standards, or, perhaps my wife has no standards in picking out friends.

Two of her friends offered to give me oral sex, one with her husband standing right there.  Of course my wife wasn't around when they did it.

Another one wanted to sleep with me.

A couple of other ones also came onto me.

I hated all of this.  My wife made her friends such a high priority (over me for that matter), but she couldn't see how they really were.  Well, she did say they were "fun,"  yeah, they were fun alright.

[Pingo]

Mine didn't really have any friends either aside from his family.  And even those relationships were strained.  He did make a friend about half way through our 4 yr r/s and I was really happy for him to have a friend.  This guy did have some problems but he was pretty supportive and tolerant of my ex and his huge ego. 

[Perdita]

What I've found is that her friends have no standards, or, perhaps my wife has no standards in picking out friends.

Two of her friends offered to give me oral sex, one with her husband

I'm noticing a common thread here.  They either don't have real friends, or they have friends but they are into drugs and promiscuous. Certainly sums up mine's "friends".  I so want these a-holes out of my life forever.

[Infern0]

Kind of wish I'd asked hpd slut and BPD ex for a 3some tbh.

[hurting300]

Kind of wish I'd asked hpd slut and BPD ex for a 3some tbh.

mine wanted me to have sex with another girl, because she wanted to just watch.

[Infern0]

Kind of wish I'd asked hpd slut and BPD ex for a 3some tbh.

mine wanted me to have sex with another girl, because she wanted to just watch.

Shoulda done it bro

[lipstick]

My ex has one longtime friend from high school. He's a burned-out loser that lives on disability (scam) in his mother's home (he's 52 - like my ex). Also has a "sometimes" friend that is in his late sixties and sells weed to supplement his social security!  

Other than that - his spouse is his "bestie" and drinking buddy. Along with a huge extended family on her side that are all as  bat$hit crazy as him. It's almost like a cult. No one gets in unless thru marriage - and no one gets out !  

And the majority of them are losers... .

My ex prefers the superficial Facebook world to real-life interactions. No judgement or accountability in there !

[Popcorn71]

Other than that - his spouse is his "bestie" and drinking buddy. Along with a huge extended family on her side that are all as  bat$hit crazy as him. It's almost like a cult. No one gets in unless thru marriage - and no one gets out !  

And the majority of them are losers... .

That's exactly what my xBPDh has moved onto.  Must be a fantastic life!

[hurting300]

Kind of wish I'd asked hpd slut and BPD ex for a 3some tbh.

mine wanted me to have sex with another girl, because she wanted to just watch.

Shoulda done it bro

no I was stupid. I kept asking how could she want me to do that if she loved me. Ugh

[Dutched]

First.  Friends? Or people they know… and perceive, so call them, friends.

Well in exw new life, it seems exw is doing activities that were categorically refused in 30+ yrs… even with the kids. Seems to socialize with people from a social different (just plain low) background.

Exw has a ‘r/s’ with a retired old man, a 15 yrs. older, low social class (typical rebelling in early/mid 60ties, expressing it by ordinary tattoos, totally disgusting and contempt in those days).

Exw lives now in a nearby village, however visiting some events in my village. People begin to see her mask fall off… start to talk to me in a disgruntled way about exw. About her choice for such an old fat man above my family and me. So the ‘friends’ in my village are withdrawing, even with more speed now as that guy can’t socialize as he is UK origin and doesn’t speak (understands a little) the language… (my S refuses to speak to him in English too… his problem, not mine)

[FlyingAway]

My 42-year old exBPD had no real friends. Only acquaintances. And the one person she did call her friend was in very bad shape herself, in more ways than one. No friends from childhood, none from college, none from previous jobs. Only this one sad, unhealthy person and a former (15 + year prior) exbf and his wife. The "friend" is massively overweight, limited intellectually, and a mean-spirited gossip. This is not to judge obesity, but in this case it might go to show how very unhealthy, physically and spiritually, this person is.

As I mentioned in another post, my former BPD is off in another part of the country making new friends. I'd love to see how that works out, but I'm out of the game.

[workinprogress]

and a mean-spirited gossip.

That seems to be a common trait amongst her friends.

One of my buddies referred to them as "back stabbing bit... .s".

[ScotisGone74]

My 25 y/o exBPD s "best friend" was a 42 year old coworker of ours that cheated on her husband and two kids constantly and acted like she was 18 years old, constantly getting her nails or hair done or going out drinking with peope from work.    Her only other "friend" was also a coworker that had a couple kids ,  all different dads, one she doesnt have custody of, who exBPD let move in with her for as short time to be her roommate.    Birds of a feather flock together.  

 

[new2pain]

What she perceives as friends, I would not. Her bf she has known since 3rd grade, never married, lives with her parents, when they are together its all about drinking and drama... .

[nowwhatz]

My exBPDgf has zero friends.

[Infared]

She had a couple of fiends that she just never spent any time with... .one was pretty normal and got married but she/we never hung out with her... .the other one had a lot of issues and she was in touch with her more. Very negative with lots of rules.  

On the other hand I had lots of friends from work, from my past, etc... .It was a well-rounded international group, too! I/we saw my friends often and she seemed to like some of them and others not so much, but that was OK with me. I brought a growing well-rounded life to the relationship. Seemed healthy.

WHAT WAS I THINKING! LOL!  

[BorisAcusio]

Kind of wish I'd asked hpd slut and BPD ex for a 3some tbh.

mine wanted me to have sex with another girl, because she wanted to just watch.

Shoulda done it bro

no I was stupid. I kept asking how could she want me to do that if she loved me. Ugh

You were not stupid. My ex offered 3some to her husband, lovers, including me. Of course I refused. Why would you risk a relationship which you're emotionally invested into for quick thrill? It is the lack of boundaries from their part.