Why such hatred?

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So after initializing come LC with me via an ex boyfriend to claim concert ticket money back, I get another message almost a month later (yesterday) from her ex boyfiend (father of her child) confirming the bank details I had requested a month ago to make the transfer.

He provided me with her details and says in his message (which was very polite) that he can't understand why she couldn't contact me herself.

This has been the only time in 11 months anyone has bothered to pose a question to me about what happened or question why have been painted so Black.

Perhaps it was stupid of me but after thanking him for the details and confirming I will make the transfer on my next pay day, I put a little bit of how I felt out there to him.

I told him briefly how something so trivial had got out of hand, how I had been told to stay out of her life and this was why she had chosen not to contact me.

I touched on some of the hurtful things she had said to me in her final communication and how I had been hospitalised twice in 2014 because I almost had a nervous breakdown as a result.

I mentioned I spent last year grieving for my friend and also my god daughter who I am no longer allowed to see (pwBPD is her mum).

I said I hoped my God Daughter was doing well and that I shall miss her for always.

My message was honest and heartfelt and although I didn't expect a reply, I just wanted someone to know a little bit of about the damage which had been caused.

For some crazy reason, I decided to log back on to Twitter after  months to see have a look at pwBPD's page and the details of my message had obviously been passed on.

Perhaps a part of me hoped that if she did get to hear about the wreckage she left behind, maybe she would feel some sort of remorse or regret about her words and behavior.  WRONG!

Instead she posted a self important status declaring 'That she makes it her life choice to rise above pettiness' and finishes by referring to me as a 'Sad Act'.

There was nothing petty about my message, if anything, it was honest and heartfelt and I was cautious not to make any inflammatory statements which might've riled her.

How can she be so cold and refer to me in such a pathetic way as a 'Sad Act'? She just seems to have so much anger and hatred towards me with no room for regret or remorse at all.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of over reaction from a pwBPD where their level of hate or anger towards you seems completely disproportionate and unexplainable?

[GlitterBug]

So after initializing come LC with me via an ex boyfriend to claim concert ticket money back, I get another message almost a month later (yesterday) from her ex boyfiend (father of her child) confirming the bank details I had requested a month ago to make the transfer.

He provided me with her details and says in his message (which was very polite) that he can't understand why she couldn't contact me herself.

This has been the only time in 11 months anyone has bothered to pose a question to me about what happened or question why have been painted so Black.

Perhaps it was stupid of me but after thanking him for the details and confirming I will make the transfer on my next pay day, I put a little bit of how I felt out there to him.

I told him briefly how something so trivial had got out of hand, how I had been told to stay out of her life and this was why she had chosen not to contact me.

I touched on some of the hurtful things she had said to me in her final communication and how I had been hospitalised twice in 2014 because I almost had a nervous breakdown as a result.

I mentioned I spent last year grieving for my friend and also my god daughter who I am no longer allowed to see (pwBPD is her mum).

I said I hoped my God Daughter was doing well and that I shall miss her for always.

My message was honest and heartfelt and although I didn't expect a reply, I just wanted someone to know a little bit of about the damage which had been caused.

For some crazy reason, I decided to log back on to Twitter after  months to see have a look at pwBPD's page and the details of my message had obviously been passed on.

Perhaps a part of me hoped that if she did get to hear about the wreckage she left behind, maybe she would feel some sort of remorse or regret about her words and behavior.  WRONG!

Instead she posted a self important status declaring 'That she makes it her life choice to rise above pettiness' and finishes by referring to me as a 'Sad Act'.

There was nothing petty about my message, if anything, it was honest and heartfelt and I was cautious not to make any inflammatory statements which might've riled her.

How can she be so cold and refer to me in such a pathetic way as a 'Sad Act'? She just seems to have so much anger and hatred towards me with no room for regret or remorse at all.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of over reaction from a pwBPD where their level of hate or anger towards you seems completely disproportionate and unexplainable?

[Alberto]

it's who they are. They don't react or analyse, they cope and the most typical coping mechanism is blaming others. You can analyse, you know and can accept who was right so concentrate on healing and finding someone rational, you will never fully understand a pwBPD

.

[Infared]

So after initializing come LC with me via an ex boyfriend to claim concert ticket money back, I get another message almost a month later (yesterday) from her ex boyfiend (father of her child) confirming the bank details I had requested a month ago to make the transfer.

He provided me with her details and says in his message (which was very polite) that he can't understand why she couldn't contact me herself.

This has been the only time in 11 months anyone has bothered to pose a question to me about what happened or question why have been painted so Black.

Perhaps it was stupid of me but after thanking him for the details and confirming I will make the transfer on my next pay day, I put a little bit of how I felt out there to him.

I told him briefly how something so trivial had got out of hand, how I had been told to stay out of her life and this was why she had chosen not to contact me.

I touched on some of the hurtful things she had said to me in her final communication and how I had been hospitalised twice in 2014 because I almost had a nervous breakdown as a result.

I mentioned I spent last year grieving for my friend and also my god daughter who I am no longer allowed to see (pwBPD is her mum).

I said I hoped my God Daughter was doing well and that I shall miss her for always.

My message was honest and heartfelt and although I didn't expect a reply, I just wanted someone to know a little bit of about the damage which had been caused.

For some crazy reason, I decided to log back on to Twitter after  months to see have a look at pwBPD's page and the details of my message had obviously been passed on.

Perhaps a part of me hoped that if she did get to hear about the wreckage she left behind, maybe she would feel some sort of remorse or regret about her words and behavior.  WRONG!

Instead she posted a self important status declaring 'That she makes it her life choice to rise above pettiness' and finishes by referring to me as a 'Sad Act'.

There was nothing petty about my message, if anything, it was honest and heartfelt and I was cautious not to make any inflammatory statements which might've riled her.

How can she be so cold and refer to me in such a pathetic way as a 'Sad Act'? She just seems to have so much anger and hatred towards me with no room for regret or remorse at all.

Has anyone else experienced this kind of over reaction from a pwBPD where their level of hate or anger towards you seems completely disproportionate and unexplainable?

We try to make sense of their behavior... .there isn't any making sense of it. Mine was very sweet in our relationship. I thought we were two pees in a pod.I enjoyed her family and they enjoyed me... .but after 5 years, at some point she started cheating on me, I don't know when and then her behavior just flopped into this person that I had never met. I see now that this is a repeated pattern for her.  She was abusive, smug, condescending and changed our entire history to fit her new game plan. It was all powered by the new relationship. I was dispensed with... .like I was not even a person.

It is shocking and a hard thing to live through... .but all we can do is go NC and build our own lives back up. There is nothing that we can do to change how they act. It's very insane... .and it's at our expense.

Time has gone by.

When she is alone now, she will try to walk up to me to "chat"... .but I will have none of it. I am sure it is just some psycho game.

I never saw this coming.

[Deeno02]

Been almost 5 months since she dumped me, with old college buddy week after dumping me. Saw a pic of them and they looked happy, so, like a dumbass, I broke NC and said "glad your happy, ... good bye my love". Got a text back calling me passive agressive and dont ever comment on my instagram, got something to say, say it to me... .anyway, I responded back nicely, but holy crap, why all the hate still? She dumped me and Im shattered, but shes angry?... .sheesh.

[confused1730]

I don't know the answer to this at all and it irritates and confuses me too. 7wo and a half months on and the last communication in early December was nasty and full of anger and hate despite her breaking it off with me - it is like the anger and hate were worse than at any other time, even though she has a replacement. Went as far as we saw each other in a car two and half weeks ago - I didn't  acknowledge and neither did she, ten hours later I receive the text "please refrain from driving dangerously to get my attention" - if anyone can put a spin on all that I would like to know. Makes no sense to me at all.

[downwhim]

I think their way of coping is to dump their guilty, shaming, lying ect on to us when they cheat. There was so much anxiety the last few months of our relationship. He was cheating and would not admit it. Sabotaging the engagement as a bored, drama filled BPD will do. He painted me black. Became a real weirdo. Angry all the time. Wore a hat all of a sudden real  low so I could hardly see his eyes. Then he said, don't kiss me on the lips just on the cheek. WOW, we were engaged and together 8 years. All was so obvious and immature. Like the 3rd grader he is mentally. Painful for me yet revenge and appropriate for him.

[Infared]

Been almost 5 months since she dumped me, with old college buddy week after dumping me. Saw a pic of them and they looked happy, so, like a dumbass, I broke NC and said "glad your happy, ... good bye my love". Got a text back calling me passive agressive and dont ever comment on my instagram, got something to say, say it to me... .anyway, I responded back nicely, but holy crap, why all the hate still? She dumped me and Im shattered, but shes angry?... .sheesh.

Once you are painted black they want complete control over you so that you do not effect or endanger their new manipulation. i.e. ":)on't come around here and expose who I am... .and how I treated you. I have a new game to run here... .Yeah, the same one that I ran on you.". Your contact is endangering their new "game". They do not handle that graciously.

Mine abruptly said to me... ."I need a clean break here". (At that point I had no idea about the other relationship). Translation: "Look... .I've hooked up with someone else (way better than you by-the-way), and I am creating a new fantasy-book love affair, so I just need you to get lost so that you don't interfere with my new groove. GOT IT!".

They are sick, selfish and brutal. I believe it is mental illness. Just get away from it and save you. Even if their behavior is caused by mental illness it is still incredibly painful if you feel that you love them.

I had to face the fact that I had to throw my love in the trash, take care of me and move forward. NOT EASY. We are talking survival here. It's life on life's terms. Not mine.

[Infared]

I don't know the answer to this at all and it irritates and confuses me too. 7wo and a half months on and the last communication in early December was nasty and full of anger and hate despite her breaking it off with me - it is like the anger and hate were worse than at any other time, even though she has a replacement. Went as far as we saw each other in a car two and half weeks ago - I didn't  acknowledge and neither did she, ten hours later I receive the text "please refrain from driving dangerously to get my attention" - if anyone can put a spin on all that I would like to know. Makes no sense to me at all.

Self-centered and need to control. ... .oh... .and throw in a pinch of drama by contacting you for a non-event. No it doesn't make any sense to a rational person.

[downwhim]

"Once you are painted black they want complete control over you so that you do not effect or endanger their new manipulation. i.e. ":)on't come around here and expose who I am... .and how I treated you. I have a new game to run here... .Yeah, the same one that I ran on you.". Your contact is endangering their new "game". They do not handle that graciously.

Mine abruptly said to me... ."I need a clean break here". (At that point I had no idea about the other relationship). Translation: "Look... .I've hooked up with someone else (way better than you by-the-way), and I am creating a new fantasy-book love affair, so I just need you to get lost so that you don't interfere with my new groove. GOT IT!".

They are sick, selfish and brutal. I believe it is mental illness. Just get away from it and save you. Even if their behavior is caused by mental illness it is still incredibly painful if you feel that you love them.

I had to face the fact that I had to throw my love in the trash, take care of me and move forward. NOT EASY. We are talking survival here. It's life on life's terms. Not mine."

100 percent like my ex. Secretive, busy trying to impress the replacement and does not want her to know his past! So sick! But, he wants me to know he has someone that looks like me so I get the phone calls from the bimbo. She has no clue she is on a hook and that other ex's would say, "he is borderline so look out."

I confronted him as a woman I golfed with said she was his neighbor when he was married with children. She said he was the neighborhood "pr... .k" when I confronted  him, wow, he painted her black, our mutual friends black and screamed at me that he was a great neighbor (despite the fact the police were at their home often from what I learned). Hum... .