Can someone help me with how to tell her politely to bugger off?

[Infern0]

She contacted me a few days ago after I had been No Contact for about a month, she caught me off guard calling from a private number and I didn't have time to think, she sounded really upset so i stupidly asked if she was ok. Big mistake, I ended up on the phone for 45 minutes listening to how she can't cope with her life and is so depressed etc etc etc. I stayed as detatched as possible, and just said some nonsense like "it'll get better".

She was saying how it would be nice to "hang out" and that she misses me and stuff and I just said it would be a bad idea and she's like "I know but i still want to".

Anyway I got off the phone, and then she text me later on asking me for a favor that I was not comfortable doing so I said no, and then I got raged at and accused of being useless and never helping her etc. Shortly thereafter I was split white and she apologised but I didn't respond.

Then yesterday she text me again asking if I could call her as she missed me. I didn't call or respond.

Then today she did a "walk by" with her "boyfriend" luckily I was having fun at the time and laughing with a female colleague who BPDEX is extremely jealous of, i turned round and we made eye contact but i just looked around and carried on laughing and she shuffled off with her confused boyfriend, they looked like a pair of hermit crabs.

I got a missed call from a private number again tonight.

I want to inform her that I don't want any further contact, in the nicest but clearest way possible. I don't have overly negative thought towards her, but i'm actually happy now and doing well in myself and want to carry on going forward making good changes. I want a good, happy life, and a BPD waif has no place there.

Any ideas on what i can say to her? I'd go NC but I do that and she either calls of private number, walks into my work, texts my housemates, etc etc etc. she's a serious boundry breaker

[bunnyrabit]

Well, I changed my phone number, blocked her on everything so I've been enjoying blissful silence for the past 3 months 

I fed her a line in the likes of 'I will always love you but it's better we go our separate ways bla bla bla' and thought to myself bye bye you crazy ****

Of course she can still show up at my doorstep but I'm sure she'll have some new sucker to keep herself busy with... .

[paperlung]

You say you've been NC, but have you actually told her you don't want to talk to her anymore?

You seem pretty detached from your ex, while I was becoming somewhat attached again, so I wrote her an email basically telling her to leave me alone. It was painful to do. Haven't heard from her in 4 days.

[peiper]

Don't say a thing, just ignore her completely. It's better for you that way

[Blimblam]

Just write her a letter telling her the truth and your boundaries.

[Infern0]

Nah you know what forget it.

I'm just going to ghost on her while she thinks we are "good" with absolutely no explanation.

She should enjoy that.

[BorisAcusio]

Just write her a letter telling her the truth and your boundaries.

There is a great chance that she won't respect it. That is something you have to deal with in the aftermath of relationship with a pwPD.

The harder to reach you, the more likely she will spin the wheel further to next name in times of distress.

Infern0, from an outside perspective you're still getting out something from being in control in this situation. Been there, done that. Actually, it is a form of keeping the attachment.  

[Blimblam]

Just write her a letter telling her the truth and your boundaries.

There is a great chance that she won't respect it. That is something you have to deal with in the aftermath of relationship with a pwPD.

The harder to reach you, the more likely she will spin the wheel further to next name in times of distress.

Infern0, from an outside perspective you're still getting out something from being in control in this situation. Been there, done that. Actually, it is a form of keeping the attachment.  

It's just a matter of enforcing them.  You can't control what the other person does.  You can provide them with the closure you wish you had gotten then hold firm on the boundary untill they get it. 

[Aussie JJ]

say nothing, give nothing.  She isn't giving you anything.  You don't owe her anything. 

Just let it be.  Record all her contact with you for future use if she does choose to escalate. 


AJJ. 

[Recooperating]

a polite way to say bugger off: Bugger off please? 

I agree with aussie JJ. You dont need to explain yourself, you dont need to give her explanations... .You dont owe her. Stay silent, do not respond. Let unknown numbers go to voice mail. In my VM recording I say I dont take calls from unknown numbers, leave a message if its important. Try to avoid her at work, pretend your busy when she walks in or excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.

Good luck InfernO! 

[myself]

I want to inform her that I don't want any further contact, in the nicest but clearest way possible. I don't have overly negative thought towards her, but i'm actually happy now and doing well in myself and want to carry on going forward making good changes. I want a good, happy life, and a BPD waif has no place there.

Tell her what you wrote here. Or a version of it that will say what you need to say in no uncertain terms. Let her know you're saying it one last time and that's it, you're done. Then don't answer when she calls, don't play your role in the game anymore, and do your best to really move on and not get sucked back in. She sounds like she's going to keep disrespecting your boundaries until they're strong enough so she can't get through. Be very unresponsive and bland to her so she finally sees it's going nowhere.

[fromheeltoheal]

Well, you blew it, you talked to her for a while, then again she caught you off guard, understandable.  But you also gave her reason to believe an attachment was still in place, on some level, so she will probably just escalate.

I'd say "Please do not contact me again."  In fact I did say that to my ex, and it didn't stop her, but there was no guessing as to how I felt.  I had the advantage of her living hundreds of miles away so there was no possibility of her just "showing up", but I just ignored emails, phone calls, texts, whatever after that.

I'd start with that message, and then you may have your work cut out for you; tell your boss you have a problem and have her banned from your work, ask your housemates to support you by deleting messages, whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, and if she escalates further get law enforcement involved.  How bad do you want it?  The key is consistency and resolve.  Take care of you!

[Perdita]

Infern0, you are a much bigger person than I am.  The way I feel about my ex I wouldn't be the least bit concerned about being polite should he contact me.  I'd tell him to bugger off and to make sure he takes his $lut with him.

Good luck!

[Blimblam]

If there's one thing I realized is they wanted unstop provide boundaries the entire time for them and they resent us for "letting" them treat us badly.

[Infared]

Just write her a letter telling her the truth and your boundaries.

There is a great chance that she won't respect it. That is something you have to deal with in the aftermath of relationship with a pwPD.

The harder to reach you, the more likely she will spin the wheel further to next name in times of distress.

Infern0, from an outside perspective you're still getting out something from being in control in this situation. Been there, done that. Actually, it is a form of keeping the attachment.  

She already has not respected it... .she called from a private number.

NC with no explanation. You do not owe one.  Take care of you.