Here I am again... a little backstory

[Thelonghaul]

Hi everyone,

I was here years ago when my husband at the time was diagnosed with BPD. I stayed five years after, while he tried different therapies, but left him in 2012 when I finally accepted that he was not going to change. We were married for 10 years and have four children together.

Since I left he has completley lost it. He stopped paying on our house- abandoned it and moved in with his Grandmother, who pays everything for him. He got fired from his job of 10 years. He first started going out drinking and partying, then eventually got into harder drugs. All the while he demanded to see the kids per regular court schedule and bullied everyone into acting like nothing was going on- like everything was still the same.

I just documented and prayed for my children's safety until my lawyer thought we had enough evidence. Fast forward to the the end of May when my 11 year old son had to break open the bathroom door where my ex was passed out, naked on the toilet. Then on the way home that day he passed out at the stoplights. Cars honking and my son having to wake him.

That was enough to get an emergency modification of visitation and for the next five months he had supervised visitation for 2 hours a week. Then in Nobember, despite failing 2 out of 5 random drug tests ( the judge actually said... ."well it's just pot" he got visitation back.

So- its a mess. There is so much more. I have to go to court ordered counseling with him, which has driven me back to my own personal therapy and back here. Its making me crazy again, I still feel trapped and controlled by him although I worked so hard to leave... .I just NEED to be around people who understand! Thanks for reading/listening: )

[david]

I will never understand family court. Having supervised visitation and failing random drug tests during that time and the judge decides to allow unsupervised visitation makes me question the mental state of the judge.

[livednlearned]

That's awful, Thelonghaul.

How is your 11 year old doing? What a scary experience for him, and for you. Our kids certainly do experience a lot of trauma for their young years. There are some articles on the Lessons to the right ----> about helping kids deal with trauma. Or you can scroll down and read that article here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=182254.msg1331459#msg1331459

Court-ordered counseling is awful. I was able to get out of mine because it was only a *deal* between the lawyers. I asked the counselor if she could guarantee my safety and she said no, and that was that.

Your judge sounds awful. I know it's a lot of expense, but is it possible to appeal? Unless you are in a state where marijuana is legal, a drug is a drug is a drug. Some days I can't believe how much of our lives comes down to the judge.

The unfortunate thing is that your H is likely to continue the same behavior, so it will probably be a matter of time before you are filing for another emergency order. Are the rest of your kids doing ok right now?

Glad to hear you have your own therapist to help you through all of this.