Stomach in knots

[sdyakca]

My stomach is in knots again, I've just been raged at again (oh sorry - she's just sharing her feelings) because she read my mind and she jumped to a conclusion that couldn't be further from the truth. The moment I push back, then I get a whole torrent of everything she has been saving up for weeks, with every 3rd word out of her mouth is you, you, you. I either did something wrong, didn't do something right, zigged when I should have zagged or visa-versa or whatever the slight or issue of the moment is. Then, as I start to pick myself up, she says she's done and runs out the door - she has to be in complete control and inflict pain while she’s doing it (oh, I forgot again, she’s just sharing her feelings), but according to her she is one of the nicest, sweetest people alive, it’s the world that is messed up.

She has been in therapy for about 1.5 years, not for BPD treatment. Has it helped, yes and no (maybe a couple less attacks, and she has come out of her trance sooner on a couple of occasions), but in large measure it remains a very painful proposition. It feels like I am being emotionally stabbed in the guts when she is ranting (so, only 8x a year vs 10x a year), I’m still hurting.

[strikeforce]

Do you enjoy feeling the way you feel now?

I know I didn't. I had to face up to the grim reality that she was not going to get better and that I had to move on.

Its takes time and a lot of effort but its the only way forward.

[JRT]

interesting... .during her rages used to make up my mind for me as well. 'Because of this, you will think this, then you will say this, then this will happen, then you will do such and such... .'. USed to blow my mind.

[Lucky Jim]

Maybe your stomach is trying to tell you something?  The body doesn't lie.  It's up to you to figure out what the message is.  Suggest you Listen to your gut feelings.

I agree w/strikeforce: getting raged out and verbally abused is no way to live.  Maybe you could start by implementing some boundaries for yourself, such as, if she rages at me I will leave the room.  If she continues to rage, I will leave the house/apartment.  If you have your plan firmly in mind, then it's easy to follow it when the raging returns, as it always does.

Hang in there,

LuckyJim