Bpd gf left me- am confused

[Terrychango]

I feel like I need to try and write this somewhere people might get it!

My gf with BPD and a few other mental health issues left me on the 29th of December, we had been together for 15 months and it had been a little rocky at times but generally good.

I suppose I should start from the beginning so here goes;

We had been freinds for about 11 months and got on really well and so along with another freind we moved in with each other. I had always really liked her but she was a lesbian so I always left it alone. One day she came home and I was very upset, she comforted me and said something that surprised me which was that if she was to have a boyfriend I would be the person, then she kissed and it went from there.

In the 1st month she told me we could not be ''boyfreind and gf'' as it would be to weird by the second she told me she loved me... .that threw me.

The first 3 months were great, I had my best friend as my girlfreind and she loved me!

The came the breakdown, her life all went wrong stress came in and she got ill, lots of my issues, she took her dad out her life and her brother. But I stuck by her which threw as in the past people always ran when her mental health came up but I loved her.

There were times where her voices tried to get rid of me, she was evil but I knew it was not her.

3 months in  to the illness she attempted suicide via overdose, I found her after work with tape over her mouth having overdosed, that ambulance ride was hard. I went to toilet at the hospital threw and cried soo much. She thought I was gone again then but no I stuck by her, nothing was going to make me run.

We stayed in our flat until the lease ran out, it was tough at times but gennerally ok. Then we moved to her mums, she didn't have a job we had no choice.

This is when things changed, she became more and more distant and I could tell something wasn't right, this was in September of last year.

she stopped talking to me it hurt a lot, we decided to go away for Christmas to try to reignite the relationship and to get her away from her brother.

It was an odd trip she told me on Christmas day she wanted to make this work and was really going to try.

4 days later still on the trip she splits up with me, tells me she doesn't love me anymore, I'm confused I get angry initially then I calm and am nice to her, ask if we can talk about it... .she tells me she preferred it when I was angry.

When we got back she threw me out of her mums and has not spoken to me for 14 days, she won't explain a thing. One thing she did say is that she knows she is not ready for a relationship at the moment, today I find out from one of freinds she is on a dating website!

How do I get through to her, I'm at my wits end, I still love her yet she won't speak to me. I sometimes feel like I want to cry but I am really just numb.

I helped her so much with her problems when we together yet she won't even give me the time of day to explain the break up.

Sorry it's a bit long and I have rambled.

Any thoughts or help would be great.

[SlyQQ]

Sorry hold in there what you describe is not unusual for someone with BPD an a lot of the stuff is familiar to me ( my ex also died an had to be revived in hospital but funnily enough on that occasion it was not a deliberate attempt ) if you try to make sense of it now it will drive you crazy if it helps people with BPD seem to have very little memory when deciding upon there actions except for what they percieve as POSSIBLE moves ( real or unreal ) to abandon them To some extent she will treat you as if she has forgotten you completely but her fear will often keep you on the horizon till she is safely settled ( however briefly ) in a new enviorment

[drummerboy]

Don't try to make sense of her actions, you'll drive yourself nuts. Hard as it will be, don't contact her. If she says not to contact her her, don't! These people are unpredictable and you could end up with a restraining order. Just understand that they are at the emotional level of a 5 year old. Imagine how a 5 year old reacts to any given situation and things will make a bit of sense.