I want exBPD partner back so bad

[inmate]

I know I could have written about it in any other thread here but I just felt like I need to have my own thread here but you can delete that thread and move my post to any suitable thread if you want to... .

Well, anyway, my BPD partner, now ex-partner has broken up with me some days ago. Second time, because we had broken up like 3 months ago too but then we got back. He used the same arguments again but this time he says it's the final end of the relationship. He says we don't know what love is or have a different description of it. But I do love him... .

I think I must underline the fact that I most likely do have NPD (with some BPD traits) but that's self-diagnosis so you know how self-diagnosis works but yeah. I know I used to screw up sometimes (actually every time we had seen each other (we were long-distance relationship), I always needed to screw things up by like having him to chase me around the town (literally), leaving him spontaneously in a bar or having a silent treatment or be like 'I don't care about you' etc.), I used to hurt him, he cried because of my behaviour etc. But oh God, I want to have a chance to prove him that I really really love him and want to work on myself... .and that I deserve his love... .

Everything's so difficult but I think I need to keep NC because it worked the last time, on the other hand he wanted love from me so I thought about recording a videotape and sending him in like 2 weeks but I think it will actually get things worse so I must wait. He may be back but he may not. But if he says it's so over, like really really over I'm slowly losing faith but my intuition says we will be back together... .I need to focus on myself for now, that's the best I can do, but it’s so hard when all of your thoughts are floating around HIM and you have too much time on your hands.

Oh and I know that BPD and NPD shouldn't be together but it seems like it works as a drug... .

[Mutt]

 

Hi inmate,

I would like to welcome you. I'm sorry to hear that. These break-ups are very tough. Many members here share similar experiences.

It sounds like NC is difficult. I can relate. What's your back-story? How did you meet and how did it end?

--Mutt