Except mental illness

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Perfect was my game. I knew all of the rules. I let her be her. I let her be who she was. I figured everything in, except for mental illness. My bad.

[Perfidy]

Perfect was my game. I knew all of the rules. I let her be her. I let her be who she was. I figured everything in, except for mental illness. My bad.

[Turkish]

Can you forgive yourself?

Now you know. How could you have then? How could any of us?

[starshine]

Hi Perfidy, my game was a little different, and I certainly don't know the rules.  But I generally let those I relate with be whom they're going to be, and one of the scary things I've discovered is that I've surrounded myself with people who have mental illness.  It's CRAZY how many disordered people I have in my inner circle. Of course it makes me wonder if I'm nutty too.  I've been looking at my way of being in relationship, and trying to make note of if I'm being drawn into love bombing or over sharing or adding to the drama of a situation.   I've been pulling back, trying to figure out how to maintain some of these relationships, as these are people that I really love and value.  I've also been spending time on many of the other boards on this site, just trying to glean information and perspective.  While, at the same time, opening myself up to new relationships with hopefully healthy people.  I've had some really deep loving relationships with people who are really beautiful and really sick in the head and spirit, and things can be weird, crushing and painful, confusing and crazy making.  I was like I was somehow color blind and didn't see that all those flags were red! Hey, I LOVE flags! I'm to the point where I'm really comfortable with myself and enjoy my solitude, so I'm just taking my time. But what I have to contend with is the knowledge that I'm really attracted to people with mental illness.  At least I know this, and can accept it.  Hopefully I have the power to change this programming.

[Perfidy]

That's it! Everyone must be mentally ill! Eureka! I've found it! Lol! How else could it be?

But lets be serious for a moment. Has there ever been a time when we were so far off? We get it. Let others be who they are. Ok? What about when they don't have a clue as to they are? They become what they think we want them to be judging by our very own perception of them. It really adds a twist to an already complicated human condition. Wow, I think I've solved the equation.

[Perfidy]

We can never get over it, but, we can get through it. Once something has entered our consciousness it's there for eternity. That's why we ruminate. This is knowledge of self.

[Perfidy]

In other words, we just have to live with it. Daily. Nothing else we can do.

So mindfulness is the only way.

[Perfidy]

Mindfulness is the only way we can ever put our lives together and be who we were meant to be. Without mindfulness function isn't possible. I see this in my self.

[Perfidy]

It's evident to me that I must be mindful in the most mundane parts of my life to maintain fluidity and simple happiness. To achieve success in simply tying my shoes I need to be mindful. Not complaining. I like it.

[doubleAries]

I'm trying hard to do the mindfulness thing, because I agree--otherwise ruminating becomes all absorbing.

It's not always that our reasoning was the problem. I'm not drawn to crazy people because my reasoning is tweaked. I'm drawn to crazy people because my emotions are a great big knot of toxic shame. Crazy is the only ones who would have me--except even they don't.

My wind chime collection sure does sound pretty when there's a breeze. The wind makes a pretty song when you give it nice instruments. Music is what feelings sound like.

I'm not always sure if I'm practicing mindfulness or just distraction... .