What a night... exBPDbf got in contact

[samj81]

Where do i start!my exBPD boyfriend messaged me last night,after nearly complete silence on his part for the best part of 3 month!it wasnt in a nice way!

I received a text from him propositioning me for sex in a vile,disgusting way!i replyed!i was under no illusion that he was dysregulating and trying to play mind games with me!the texts went on got more vile and insulting!(totaly unrepeatable).

He then called me,it was his friend.who was once a mutuall friend to us .my BPD ex had told him what he had been saying to me and the friend had told him that he was wrong and to sort himself out! The friend and myself agreed that my ex was in a bad place and his head was a mess. (Im not sure to what extent the friend knows about my exs condition)

I then had a brief chat with my BPDex!he said the whole texts where to try show me what a p★★ck he was so i would walk away for good! (I went no contact last week). He sounded in such a bad place,i felt for him!he admitted how screwed up his head is,that he feels emotionaly and physically dead :-( i in no certain terms told him he needs to try sort himself out.

I asked if we could chat properly at some point,he told me to text him today and he cant promise but he may reply!i know every will think im so stupid for evan giving him the time of day,but i still care about him,i miss the person that he was so much.to hear him talk like that last night,how much hes hurting,cut me up!

Im so confused though as to why contact me?why not just block me instead of texting such vile things.i know he was after a reaction,but in what way?i dont think i gave him the reaction he expected,he may of been vile but i kept my cold and was rather cival to him!was it a cry for help?hes addmitted how much a mess he is!im just strugging to get my head round it today.

Anyones insight would be much appreciated.

[enlighten me]

Hi Sam.

sounds like he is in a bad place and wanting you to rescue him. People will disagree with me but if my ex did what yours did I would reply. Its dangerous but as long as you keep your boundaries and dont get sucked in you should be ok.

I would have told mine I was sorry they were in such a bad place and that they need to speak to someone abour it. I would say only a professional could help them throufh it without causing more possible problems but if they wanted to talk I would be there.

[BorisAcusio]

Its dangerous but as long as you keep your boundaries and dont get sucked in you should be ok.

Famous last words. Just imagine an Al-Anon meeting where one suggests to drink another shot. 

[FrenchConnection]

I think in this situation i would also respond but only to say that they need to seek help of a professional.  Do not agree to see him and do not continue to talk or speak with him.  He needs real help and that can only come from a trained professional.

[enlighten me]

Its dangerous but as long as you keep your boundaries and dont get sucked in you should be ok.

Famous last words. Just imagine an Al-Anon meeting where one suggests to drink another shot. 

It depends how strong your boundaries are and how detatched you are. Ive spoken to my ex wife several times and managed not to get sucked back in. I even gave her a hug to comfort her. I know some will see this as enabling them but I can assure you even the hug was calculated on my behalf. It may sound harsh but there is a lot going on with my eldest son and I have lowered myself to occassionally manipulating her for his benefit.

[samj81]

Right now il honestly say i dont think iv got any boudaries,my guard is up but thats about it!wrong i no!

Im not sure if last night was a cry for help,thats the thing im struggling to get my head around.he said it was to try warn me off him for good!what a way to do it though.he wasnt the one that initiated we chat again,that was me.by what he says hes trying to make sure that we never do.

I no i cant help him,that he needs a professional.but if he did want to talk what would the harm be?

Iv never been through this stage of a pwBPD,im unsure what to do for the best for him and me.all i know that hes a person aswell and  hes suffering.i wouldnt be human if this didnt affect me and want to reach out and help.

[rosannadanna]

It sounds like he was testing you to see if you would tolerate objectification/disrespect/devaluation.  The reasons for him doing whatever he is doing are most likely very complex, but not really relevent.

How did you feel when you read the texts?