A less serious question than most

[meantcorn34]

My (daughter) son dBPD is 22 and transgender. He is just beginning the process of transitioning. I went with him to his first appointment a few  weeks ago. He goes back next month to see a psychiatric social worker for an intake and his doctor to begin testerone injections. He wants me to go with him, but is afraid of what I might say to the SW about his disability. Since he is on disability and his insurance is Medicare, I assume the SW will at least ask about it.

I want him to get the correct care and full disclosure is the way to go. Since he is refusing treatment for BPD, he is afraid the SW will decide he can't continue transitioning if they find out. I think that if I said anything about it he would never forgive me. I think that if the SW knew they might require him to be in therapy, which, while it may cause a delay, would not preclude transitioning. Of course, patience and BPD ... .

I've decided to not attend the appointment with the SW, and only go to the doctor with him. I know I will be blamed for any and everything, so want to stay out of it as much as possible. My T says I should tell the SW to make my son get help. I know he'll never forgive me - even if he miraculously realized it was the best thing that happened to him.

He's an adult, and I need to respect that. I am very concerned about transitioning and BPD overall, but after researching gender dysphoria, I understand the need on his part.

This surely isn't the life or death question of so many more important posts, but I could use some feedback to decide my approach to the situation.

Thanks

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[lever.]

I think this is a very serious question.

As our children become adults and yet are still very vulnerable it becomes difficult to know when to intervene and when to stay silent.

I can only share my own experience that when I have spoken to anyone about my daughter's issues without her knowledge it has massively backfired.

I now view this as a mistake.

I would only talk to someone on her behalf now if I identified that she was a risk of serious harm to herself or others (A matter of life or death).

I think you can only hope that the professional people dealing with this know what they are doing and will pick up on the BPD themselves.

This is just my personal opinion.

[meantcorn34]

Thank you lever. I agree with you.