Just need to start the process...

[dan1966]

I'm not sure how to move forward.

My exuBPDgf just broke up with me again after the 6th or 7th recycle. We were together off and on for over 5yrs. She replaced me twice, once for 4 to 6 months and again for a little over 6 months. Most breakups tended to be blamed on my financial health. I am a contractor and have had lean times, and I can be unmotivated as I have dealt with depression for much of my life. I have always been faithful and have been dedicated to her and her children. I feel I have always carried my load but feel I could have done more.

My story is too long to go into in detail but I just wanted to post and ask for a little support today. I checked her FB and saw she went to see a band Sat. and am feeling triggered.

She broke up because she was feeling my offer to help work on her vacant apartment was like making future comittments and didn't think things could ever work for us. Once a new tenant was lined up (apartment was vacant for 4 months leading to financial stress) she then asked for help. I set my boundries and said I couldn't. Now I feel a gulf between us as again I am the bad guy.

Sorry for lack of clarity to my post, I just need to start somewhere and its been a long difficult relationship that I am struggling to move on from and accept that it might and should be over.

Thanks for listening.

Dan

[downwhim]

Dan, so sorry for all you have been through. You must be really hurting right now. I have been there and this is not an easy road but one that will get less rocky. You will get lots of help on this site by posting, reading and soaking in what works for you. The only thing that helped me was N/C. Hard to do but kept me focused.

Yesterday I read Borderline for Dummies... .good book and I bought The Journey from Abandonment to Healing. I am just starting to read this one but so far filled with helpful information.

Hang in there. You will survive this. 

[fromheeltoheal]

The place to start is with a real decision.  Like incision, which means to cut into, decision means to cut off, to cut off any other possibility.  :)o you know what you really want and need?  Will you get it from her?  The most powerful thing you can do is answer those questions honestly and then make a real decision.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey dan1966, Don't beat yourself up.  You are not the bad guy.  Sure, you could have done things differently, just as she could have, but its doubtful that the outcome would have been substantially different than where you are now.  I agree w/fromHtoH: Start w/yourself and figure out the right path for you.  Only you can answer that question, or decision, as fromHtoH puts it.  Perhaps you could spend some time just listening to your gut feelings?  That's a good place to start.  LuckyJim

[dan1966]

Thanks everyone. I have some pretty bad co-dependant traits and at times have felt I was am the one with BPD. After our last breakup I did alot of reading on these forums which was a great help. I am hoping I can recover more quickly this time around and really deal with what allowed me to go back for more, knowing deep down I had reservations.

Again thanks for listening.