"There's something fundamentally wrong here" she said to me.

[ColdArrow]

My older sister and I were sitting in my car-venting, commiserating, searching.  Searching  for reasons why our sibling acts the way she does,  why she says the things she says,   why she can be so hurtful and cruel one minute, and silly the next.  Circumstances brought the three of us together again under one roof for the first time in many years, and we can't just walk away from her volatile, nonsensical  behavior like we could before.   We try to deal with it, but the constant negativity is toxic.   So there we are, my older sister and I,  sitting in a convenience store parking lot, comparing notes and putting things together--grasping for anything to help us.   "There's something fundamentally wrong here,"  she said to me.  

That's when I decided to do some research and see if I could pinpoint the issue,  put a name and a face on it, and then search for a support forum.  

Once I saw the symptoms of BPD, I knew immediately that's what we were dealing with,  what we had been dealing with in  one dose after another for many years.  Thanks to the information on this website and others, our sibling's  symptoms of BPD--past and present--are now very, very clear: lack of self, victim mentality,  emotional blackmail, pattern of unstable relationships, highly changeable moods,  reckless behavior,  sarcastic, bitter, controlling demeanor... .all of it is our sibling to a T.   Unfortunately, this epiphany also leaves me very heavy-hearted.  Getting our sibling to a professional for an official diagnosis and treatment is never, ever going to happen.  Why? Because it's everyone else with the problem, not her.    

Blessedly, my initial research led me to this website and forum.  I'm so thankful for the information here, despite the fact that it's somewhat nauseating to realize how serious a problem this is.  Everything I've read on this site so far convinces me this is the right place to go for help.  

[Harri]

Hi ColdArrow and welcome to the board!

All of us here on this board have family members with BPD and several have siblings so you are definitely in the right place. 

It is hard and very sad to realize that the person you care for will most likely never get help unless things drastically change for them.  Are there any specifics you want to talk about?  How do you think her behaviors have impacted you?

Have you had a chance to check out the posts that are pinned to the top of this page?  There is one titled Lessons which I found very helpful.  The first post deals with safety issues.  The second links specific threads and articles that can help you understand and move towards healing yourself.

This board is full of people who can support you as you work things through.  Keep reading and posting and I hope to see you around some more!

[Tim300]

It's such an amazing experience to discover BPD online and see years of your life explained, over and over by others who have experienced the same bizarre thing.  I think by Googling "victim mentality" is what led me to BPD; although I was Googling a lot of different terms, so I don't remember for sure that it was.

I wouldn't point out BPD to her without thinking that through for a good deal of time.  I would take some time to read up on the disorder first at least.

Do you need to have her in your life much?