Hello, I need some empathy

[GirlofBPDmom]

Hello,

I was given a book on surviving mother's of BPD by a friend who is a therapist. And I began reading it. I have been trying to have a spend more time with my mother as she is aging. I just lost my step-father and I didn't expect to experience the kind of grief that I did over him. So ever since, I have been trying to find ways to spend time with my mom.

This may be a bad idea, as it keeps on backfiring.

Recenty, when I was helping my mom clean her house, she drops another bomb on me. She asked me what my plans were for Christmas. Why I asked. Because the whole family is meeting up in Oregon for Christmas and she needed someone to feed the dog. Christmases are always spent at my mom's house. I have been there for the past thirty years and there was no reason to think that my whole family wouldn't be down here. (In California)

I sort of went into shock. I am still in shock. I just feel completely unloved. And unlovable. But the worst is that I don't have many feelings anymore. I am a bit worried about this.

Anyway, I actually meant to just introduce myself, not post my troubles right away. Oh well, here goes.

H

[HappyChappy]

Hi GirlofBPDmom,

I'm not surprised you feel unloved. That wasn't a nice bomb shell to drop. BPD are mistresses of creating a feeling of being unloved, but never forget, it isn't personal. But you are now part of this forum's gang, and as such you get empathy and support because having survived a BPDmom, is an admirable feet on it's own and I love that about you.

It's normal to feel emotionally numb, when someone has played about with your emotions in order to manipulate you. It's a defence mechanism. But that can change, when you no longer feel under attack. Keep posting here, and you'll find a lot of support , as we know how hard it was for us, and therefore for you.   

[Panda39]

 

I want to join Happy Chappy in welcoming you.

I'm so sorry about Christmas, that was a very hurtful thing to do on your mom's part.  People with BPD can really wreak havoc with our feelings.

Has your mom been diagnosed BPD?  Or are you like me... .the BPD person in my life undiagnosed but matches all the criteria?

I'm sorry to hear about your step-dad it sounds like you had a good relationship with him and you miss him.

I'm really glad you've found us and hope you continue to read and post because there are a lot of great members here with a wealth of their own experience to share.  You are not alone and each and everyone of us understand how difficult it is having someone with BPD in your life. 

Panda39 

[ABCD1234]

Dear GirlofBPDmom,

I am so sorry you had to grow up with a BPD mom! That must have been terribly hard on your poor little self-esteem. Having a manipulative mother is really tragic because she is supposed to nurture you and love you unconditionally! It's like having Maleficent raise you. It's just awful. I'm really glad you found this forum. It's saved me so much heartache. I urge you to review the different lessons and coping advice so you can learn to set healthy boundaries and help limit the instances where your mother or anyone else, for that matter, manipulates you and hurts you.  You can do it. It's hard and it feels oh so wrong because you have been trained not to have healthy boundaries, but you will feel better about you in the long run. Best of luck and keep coming back!

[GirlofBPDmom]

Hi All,

Thanks for the replies. I was up in the middle of the night last night suffering. I awoke feeling much better after a bit of sleep. I appreciate the notes of encouragement and am so glad I found the forum!

H