Mixed emotions

[WhoMe51]

I woke up this morning so angry.  I'm angry at myself and her.  I became a doormat for her.  I changed for her trying to make it work.  She would get mad at me for something small and then she would rage at me for days.  So I would do everything I could not to set her off.  I would then watch what I did or said after that.  One time I said something that she said that I shouldn't say.  I was so nervous.  I was filled with anxiety about the situation that I couldn't enjoy myself with her later.  I became a walking shell of a man.  For what?  Why didn't I just walk away before I became this way?  She always gave me a little hope that things would get better.  It was like I would forget about the abuse that she put me through when she gave me hope.  I so wanted to believe that things were going to get better.  And that I had actually  done something right.  This is the reason I kept going back.  I thought she had finally understood that I loved her and things were going to get better.  She always gave me a little hope.  And she knew that was all it would take.  She knew I wouldn't go anywhere.  I guess I am just venting. 

[Mutt]

Hi WhoMe51,

It's not fun waking up in the morning angry. I can relate after the break-up not feeling well when I woke up. Not fun.

It's understandable the anger directed at her and the pain. I think you're being hard on yourself.

Don't beat yourself up.