Thought record

[Seriously?]

I was experiencing some severe negative emotions after a phone call and a text. My therapist had me do a thought record. It was so helpful to me. what we think fuels our emotions.  So, if we actually write out what we were thinking and then determine what thoughts may have been more helpful, the helpful thoughts make us not feel so crummy.  Example: I was thinking he doesn't want to be with me because I am unworthy.  Change that to: He doesn't want to be with me because he is incapable of sustaining a relationship.  I have heard over and over that how someone treats you says more about them than about you.  I always felt that was trite;  however,  it is just a profoundly simple truth. How he treated me has nothing to do with me. I allowed loose and blurry boundaries that gave him permission to treat me poorly more than once,  but nothing about me made him act like a jerk.  He alone is responsible for his own good and bad actions. Each of us is. I am responsible for not stopping him dead in his tracks the first time he acted out in his disorder.

[fromheeltoheal]

That's the sound of someone taking their power back Seriously?  Good for you!

[myself]

It's true. How we treat ourselves is deeply important, too.

[Infared]

 I have heard over and over that how someone treats you says more about them than about you.  I always felt that was trite;  however,  it is just a profoundly simple truth. How he treated me has nothing to do with me.

At first... .that last sentence sounds quite insane... .especially if I a wrapped up in the swirl of emotions of a dysfunctional relationship, but if we stand back and remove ourselves from our emotions/pain and think clearly... .it's true.

I chose not to treat this person the way I was treated. I treated them with trust, faithfulness and honesty. They treated me with selfishness, lies and deceit... .They have done, and will do that with anyone. It does not have anything to do with me.

[hope2727]

 I have heard over and over that how someone treats you says more about them than about you.  I always felt that was trite;  however,  it is just a profoundly simple truth. How he treated me has nothing to do with me.

At first... .that last sentence sounds quite insane... .especially if I a wrapped up in the swirl of emotions of a dysfunctional relationship, but if we stand back and remove ourselves from our emotions/pain and think clearly... .it's true.

I chose not to treat this person the way I was treated. I treated them with trust, faithfulness and honesty. They treated me with selfishness, lies and deceit... .They have done, and will do that with anyone. It does not have anything to do with me.

 

"like"

[parisian]

I agree!  How someone treats you has everything to do with them, and not you.

It is how you respond that has everything to do with you.

If you keep allowing them to treat you badly, then the 'allowing' is the issue.

We can't control anyone's behaviour, but we can control our own. And that means removing ourselves from that situation.

I tried once to talk to my exBPDgf about what was upsetting me about her behaviour. I was coming from the assumption that she was a normal, healthy adult. When she didn't communicate, and couldn't, when she blamed everything back on me. That was the problem.

So I removed myself from that situation.