Deleting or Not Deleting a Point of Contact E-Mail Address...

[AliveButBeatup]

I am nearing the end of my 34 month journey with my BPD wife. We met in May 2012. Got married 12/12/12. I filed for divorce May 2013. We went through the many cycles that happen when BPD is involved.  The last cycle being Nov. 2014.  All told, we were apart more than we were together.

Once she moved out, I blocked her number. I do have an e-mail address that is specific to her that I left intact. Shortly after our last cycle, I received a few devaluation messages from her.  Since our last cycle, I have not initiated any e-mails with her nor have I responded to her messages.

Our court date is coming up on Feb. 4.  She was notified by the court. Her being notified by the court of the date must have triggered something in her. She has sent a series of devaluation messages.  Photos with her and her new boyfriends. How she is loved and being treated like a little princess. I am a worm. I am the scum of the earth.  You know the drill.

A side note. I had filled out paperwork for a restraining order, but did not file it.  She has been physically abusive towards me.  I sometimes feel receiving e-mails from her tells me where her head is at and helps me from being blindsided.  We have no children. We have no shared assets. There is no reason to communicate.

Should I delete the e-mail address and treat this as one of the last steps of closure of this relationship before the divorce is finalized?  I am leaning towards deleting the address shortly.

ABB

[jhkbuzz]

I sometimes feel receiving e-mails from her tells me where her head is at and helps me from being blindsided.  We have no children. We have no shared assets. There is no reason to communicate.

Whether or not you should delete probably depends on a few factors... .

I understand not wanting to be "blindsided," especially since you will have to see her in court.  Knowing that she is angry will help you "armor up" on the day that you have to appear - you'll know what you will be facing.  I would like to know that as well - so I can understand leaving the email account activated.  (As an aside, I DO think it's very good that you haven't responded.)

I guess I'm wondering, though, how much these emails "set you back." If you find yourself in a funk for days after receiving them, you may want to delete the account.

Whatever you decide, I would delete it as soon as your court case is complete - cut off all means of contact and move on.

[AliveButBeatup]

I don't know about a setback, but there are brain cycles wasted lamenting over the whole ordeal. The photos of her with other guys doesn't bother me which reinforces me knowing I am over her. Ironically, I think the photos even help. They substantiate the knowledge that you were with someone who has a low emotional IQ and is incapable of an intimate relationship.  If she was "now loved" she would be content and there would be no reason to send a message at all.

I am leaning towards deleting the e-mail address. Enough brain cycles have been used up through the last two and a half years.

ABB

[AliveButBeatup]

Jhkbuzz, thanks again for your post. I spent some additional time about your comment of "setting me back" a few days. I have lost countless hours of productivity because of this person. Why do I want to waste even more time looking at any new e-mails from her?

I found the gmail backup program for Windows. I downloaded it and archived the messages to my hard drive in the event I need them for legal reasons in the future. The program works well. I tested the ability to retrieve them if I need to.  With "normal" people, you can just delete and forget.  Not with these BPDers.

I deleted the account. I tested it that it was deleted. All good. How do I feel after deleting it?  I have this uneasy feeling she is going to show up at my house in a last ditch desperation attempt to stall the divorce. She has shown up unannounced at my house before pleading to get back together.  When and if she sends another message, there is something very disconcerting even for us non-BPD folks about getting a bounce back message of an e-mail account being deleted.  How she handles that is an unknown.  She finds comfort in the process of devaluation and letting me know that.  Now she has reached 100% rejection level.

ABB

[jhkbuzz]

Jhkbuzz, thanks again for your post. I spent some additional time about your comment of "setting me back" a few days. I have lost countless hours of productivity because of this person. Why do I want to waste even more time looking at any new e-mails from her?

I found the gmail backup program for Windows. I downloaded it and archived the messages to my hard drive in the event I need them for legal reasons in the future. The program works well. I tested the ability to retrieve them if I need to.  With "normal" people, you can just delete and forget.  Not with these BPDers.

I deleted the account. I tested it that it was deleted. All good. How do I feel after deleting it?  I have this uneasy feeling she is going to show up at my house in a last ditch desperation attempt to stall the divorce. She has shown up unannounced at my house before pleading to get back together.  When and if she sends another message, there is something very disconcerting even for us non-BPD folks about getting a bounce back message of an e-mail account being deleted.  How she handles that is an unknown.  She finds comfort in the process of devaluation and letting me know that.  Now she has reached 100% rejection level.

ABB

Boy, do I understand the "I have lost countless hours of productivity because of this person." 

I'm glad you went ahead and did it... .it sounds like one of the final steps for you.  And after your court date I'm hoping you'll be completely free.

If I were you, I wouldn't even open the door if she happens to show up at your house.  There's really no reason to - is there?

[charred]

Mentally you probably want to delete it.

If you don't know the address you cannot block it. My malignant NPD father has been blocked from my mail for 15 yrs now... and my exBPDgf... for 3. Its a different problem if you want to send them email... it is hard to get anywhere near indifference, and that is the opposite of the strong feelings you had.

Good luck

[ScotisGone74]

Good for you for deleting it.     Mine knows where I live and used to do drivebys when we were together.     After the end I deleted all points of contact and had a little uneasy feeling that she just may driveby or visit unexpectedly in a rage, But it hasnt happened over two years now and im glad the replacement and kid are keeping her occupied honestly.     Ive seen her in traffic a few times and she just zooms off like a scared kid.    I think after the disconnect alot of them would like to contact us but the shame and having to come to terms with the pain they inflicted upon us are too much for them to accept.     Keep grinding.