How long will it last?

[Smallville]

So it has been over a week since my uBPD SIL has had an episode. She's remained so calm, even under difficult circumstances. Is it common for them to go this long without one? I still fear that when the next one comes that'll it'll be extreme due to holding it in so long. And to make matters much much worse, her xbf/bd, is now back. He is her number one worst trigger. Everything about him. Everything he says, everything he does. Just him. She's remained calmed so far, even though all they do is fight and bicker nonstop. They only get along when she's sleeping. I don't see the point of a relationship like that. That's such a waste of life and it's exhausting. And no matter what she does to him he sticks around. I know that it's good for a BPD to have someone that'll stay, but when it comes to him I don't think it's a good thing. He doesn't understand in the least bit that she has a real problem. He thinks it's just her being a B word. So he's constantly arguing with her trying to prove his point. He's not smart enough to understand that people can have something like that wrong with them. Idk what it is with him, and this may sound mean, but he is by far the dumbest human being I have ever met in my life. I feel like he has some kind of disorder but I can't figure it out. Things have been so much better since he's been gone, before he left she had a constant episode for over a month, all day every day, because of him. I have already been feeling like I can't do this for much longer, and that was just dealing with her episodes recently. It's wearing me down. But now put him in the mix and all you hear is fighting 24/7. How does someone handle this? I already have to deal with my anxiety issues, adding onto that is hard. And trying to keep my marriage good in the meantime. This board has helped a lot, but maybe I need to find other things as well to help keep my mind and ears off everything else. Any advice? Ideas to remain sane?

[clljhns]

Hi Smallville,

Listening to people in constant conflict can cause anxiety for sure! I am so sorry that you have to be witness to this.

Does SIL live with you? Is xbf/bd living with SIL? Just need a little more information to get a clear picture of what is happening in your space.

Any advice? Ideas to remain sane?

One of the most difficult aspects of a BPD is not knowing when the next "episode" will happen. I think the most helpful thing you can do is to not try to predicate when this will occur and have a plan to remove yourself when it does. This could be tricky if SIL is living with you. If contact between SIL and xbf/bd is that acrimonious, then I would set a boundary that they cannot both be in your home at the same time. If SIL wishes to see this person, she can do so outside of your safe space. It is okay for you to set boundaries around this situation for your own sanity.

Wishing you all the best. 

[Smallville]

Hi, thanks for the response! Unfortunately, my H and I live with my SIL! In her house! Lol. We hit a rough patch and she was our only option to not be homeless! So we are stuck living with her until things look up for us. And as it is looking right now the xbf/bd is back here. And while it's stressful to hear them all the time, the only good thing is now she has him to direct all her anger towards. Instead of everyone else in the house! Another good thing is that my bH and I stay in the garage so for the most part I just keep to myself.

[clljhns]

Hi Smallville,

Sorry to hear about the situation. I completely understand, I had to stay with a dear friend for a few months after I lost a job. I would definitely put my time and energy into plans for moving out. It might be helpful to keep your focus no this, especially during those times when SIL and friend are in a heated argument.

Hope this helps!

[Smallville]

Yes, our number one goal is to move out asap. It's just been hard for my H to find a job to make that possible! But I think the motivation to make things happen is higher lately due to changes in the house. Thanks for the responses