How Impulsive Was/Is Your BPD Ex?

[dabeanymac]

I was just wondering if anyone else's ex was as impulsive as mine? My exgf broke up with me back in October on her birthday for someone else. I come to find out she was talking to him about a month and a half before she dumped me for him. I thought she was the girl of my life. I was going to propose to her on Xmas. All of her symptoms are BPD. I find out 6 weeks after she dumped me she got engaged to her new bf. On top of that, 2 weeks after that she quits her good paying job at a very large recognized computer company to move to Florida with him with no job. He lives there and she was living here in NY with me. These erratic behaviors she portrays seem to be getting worse and worse. It does hurt though knowing everything I strived for in our 14 month relationship was gained by this new guy in 6 weeks. Anyone else have any similar situations?

[Ghost733]

6 weeks?  Wow, this schlub has no idea what he's in for: the fights that last til 5AM, the sleeping on the couch, the embarrassment around friends, the cheating, the lies, the ER visits, the drugs.  If you feel hatred towards this guy, then know he's in for a nightmare of a life. 

They're a blight upon the land, and all that enter their worlds of sex and terror never leave the same.

[jjclark]

I would want you to know that she didn't leave you for him, she left you for a different her.  She left you so that she could start over, probably because she didn't like her self anymore.  It has absolutely nothing to do with you and there is probably nothing that you could have done differently to make her not do that. The mind of a person living with BPD operates in a very different reality than the non's, it is a perpetual mind___ I assure you. 

The mess that was left behind, at least in my experience, has been harder to sort out than the actual relationship.  But at least I had some kind of power over it this time, didn't have to worry about her anymore.  More likely than not is the chance that this guy will suffer a very similar fate as your.  All we can do is learn from it and try not to do it again.  I am so sorry that you had to go through this. 

[raisins3142]

Yours seems more impulsive than mine.  I sometimes feel like I got off easy with my experience.  Although, she lived 45 minutes away and was off 4 days a week, and was a chronic phone/facebook user, so who really knows what she got up to.  She'd never tell and could justify nearly anything, I think. And lie with a straight face.  She actually told me that she could lie to her brother about something he was going through and he would never know because she is that good.  Or maybe know one calls her on her crap, and just leaves or disengages.  What a fantasy land.


Anyways, her impulsivity was apparent in her stories of her past.  She did a metric ton of MDMA and LSD.  She bounced from short term relationship to relationship.  I think she slept around a lot, but would never come out and say that.  She cheated on 2 boyfriends that never cheated on her after she was with each over 2 years and they had put up with a ton of her crap.

With me, as far as I know, her impulsivity manifested as an inability to know and do a semblance of the correct emotional/social thing.

Once, upon first meeting my sister-in-law, my sis-in-law got too affectionate with patting her shoulder and my uBPDexgf freaked out and grabbed her hands, yelled at her, and threw her hands back at her.  So awkward.  That's just one example.

Her main impulsivity that got to me was that she would lavish attention on other men and flirt right in front of me.  This was after she knew it made me upset and we were on the rocks.  She just lost herself in the moment and her need or she could just turn her head and I likely didn't exist to her so much, but the guy in front of her was more real.  The straw that made me break up with her was taking her out one last time and having her act seductive with a guy and sit off by herself with him for a while.  I walked up and lost my mind on her and ended it then.  SO.GLAD.I.DID.

[AliveButBeatup]

6 weeks?  Wow, this schlub has no idea what he's in for: the fights that last til 5AM, the sleeping on the couch, the embarrassment around friends, the cheating, the lies, the ER visits, the drugs.  If you feel hatred towards this guy, then know he's in for a nightmare of a life. 

They're a blight upon the land, and all that enter their worlds of sex and terror never leave the same.

Your words are the reason why the SO of a BPD person has to love this place. When you feel you are alone and only you and only you have endured the crap, it is nice to see you are not alone.  I can easily add several items to your list. The criminal defense attorney --- I was being accused of child molestation. Part of her shakedown strategy. 911 for police calls to extract her off my property.  Hours and hours lost of my life on non-productive activities.  It was like working a second 40 hour a week job in the relationship.  The fear of what was going to unfold at home at the end of a day.  This place is a reminder of what I don't want again just when you get that little creeping of some glimpse of a memory that makes you think things weren't so bad.

My friend. Be thankful you did not marry her. YOU DODGED A BULLET.  I have one week until my divorce is final after my 34 month journey of insanity. My costs $40-$50K (some will tell you I got off cheap). I put a prenuptial in place. If you are remotely considering marrying a BPD person, get yourself one.  Mine went ballistic about it. One of the few non-negotiable items I had. And probably about 1 of 3 smart moments I had in the relationship.

ABB

[dabeanymac]

Her main impulsivity that got to me was that she would lavish attention on other men and flirt right in front of me

She had done this a few times when she had gotten intoxicated at a gathering or around new people. I had confronted her a couple of times about it, and her response was "I don't know none of your friends, I was not flirting I was just being nice and I was being controlling." She had gotten very jealous when I hung out or talked to my female friends in front of her as if she was threatened by them even though I had never thought about them like that or flirted with them.

[dabeanymac]

My friend. Be thankful you did not marry her. YOU DODGED A BULLET.  I have one week until my divorce is final after my 34 month journey of insanity. My costs $40-$50K (some will tell you I got off cheap). I put a prenuptial in place. If you are remotely considering marrying a BPD person, get yourself one.  Mine went ballistic about it. One of the few non-negotiable items I had. And probably about 1 of 3 smart moments I had in the relationship.

ABB

ABB,

I am terribly sorry you are going through this. Everyone keeps telling me the same that I dodged a bullet. I know that is the case and I can consider myself fortunate in that perspective.

[dabeanymac]

I wonder if BPD's even consider the consequences of their impulsive actions?, or are they so lost that they don't care about consequences and just think the moment will live on forever?

[raisins3142]

She had done this a few times when she had gotten intoxicated at a gathering or around new people. I had confronted her a couple of times about it, and her response was "I don't know none of your friends, I was not flirting I was just being nice and I was being controlling." She had gotten very jealous when I hung out or talked to my female friends in front of her as if she was threatened by them even though I had never thought about them like that or flirted with them.

Same here.  Mine thought getting to know any man and getting them to like her was at least a partial seduction and getting them attracted to her... .well I'm not sure she actually "thought" this but I'm pretty sure that was the underlying script and her main resource.  She had trained herself to get approval and validation this way and to connect.  She was a bartender with a ton of male friends about 5 or 6 years back, and I'm betting she subconsciously trained herself how to get tips and get invited fun places by cultivating sexual tension.  Although I should say that her bartending only refined this, as I think it was there much earlier, given what she let slip.

I once told her "one thing that has gotten in the way of some platonic friendships between myself and females is that there is often sexual tension and either she goes for me or vice versa, and I don't necessarily like that feeling or dynamic within so called friendships".  After hearing that, she just smiled a bit and turned red and had little to say.

Lastly, she thought (or told me anyways) that flirting was only happening when the two people were touching each other in a stimulating manner (arm around the back for a long period of time, at minimum) or talking racy or planning future hang outs.  So, to her, she could do anything she'd like until it actually hit a point where it was "these people could have sex within the next 5 minutes" or they actually did have sex.  

[Ghost733]

6 weeks?  Wow, this schlub has no idea what he's in for: the fights that last til 5AM, the sleeping on the couch, the embarrassment around friends, the cheating, the lies, the ER visits, the drugs.  If you feel hatred towards this guy, then know he's in for a nightmare of a life. 

They're a blight upon the land, and all that enter their worlds of sex and terror never leave the same.

Your words are the reason why the SO of a BPD person has to love this place. When you feel you are alone and only you and only you have endured the crap, it is nice to see you are not alone.  I can easily add several items to your list. The criminal defense attorney --- I was being accused of child molestation. Part of her shakedown strategy. 911 for police calls to extract her off my property.  Hours and hours lost of my life on non-productive activities.  It was like working a second 40 hour a week job in the relationship.  The fear of what was going to unfold at home at the end of a day.  This place is a reminder of what I don't want again just when you get that little creeping of some glimpse of a memory that makes you think things weren't so bad.

Yeah I could expand upon my wonderful list if I wasn't slowly forgetting about all of it.  This forum does at times feel like talking shop with the boys at the motorcycle shop or in the gym. In fact, last time I was getting a tire put on the bike, the shop owner referred to a certain KTM as being "more high maintenance than a woman with bipolar." I laughed a little bit harder at his joke than I should have.

At the risk of sounding insensitive: We all bought the same kind of used car and now we're dealing with the same crap.  Should've bought that damn warranty.

[Splitblack4good]

I was just wondering if anyone else's ex was as impulsive as mine? My exgf broke up with me back in October on her birthday for someone else. I come to find out she was talking to him about a month and a half before she dumped me for him. I thought she was the girl of my life. I was going to propose to her on Xmas. All of her symptoms are BPD. I find out 6 weeks after she dumped me she got engaged to her new bf. On top of that, 2 weeks after that she quits her good paying job at a very large recognized computer company to move to Florida with him with no job. He lives there and she was living here in NY with me. These erratic behaviors she portrays seem to be getting worse and worse. It does hurt though knowing everything I strived for in our 14 month relationship was gained by this new guy in 6 weeks. Anyone else have any similar situations?

Sorry to hear this but Yer my ex BPD gf and I split just under 3 months ago she moved my replacement in 2 days after I left but she wasn't with him while we were together he is a rebound and was a freind of a freind of hers and she just grabbed him after I broke it off a week into ther relationship he's living with her coz he was homeless and found out ny week 3 they are planning for a baby ! When I heard this I realised how sick and impulsive my ex really is she has 4 children already ! .

[Ayreana]

Mine was impulsive as well, he left me with a snap with his finger. He had a job, which left as well. And he probably has a new victim as well.

The entire relationship he was impulsive, buying stuff out of the blue, getting a dog out of the blue etc etc even his hair changed monthly sometimes. From a normal haircut to a very extreme haircut.

[Infared]

Mine is still very very selfish and impulsive years later... .enough to lay in wait in a supermarket parking lot and attempt to ambush me... .while her husband (my replacement DURING our live-in relationship) sits at home clueless.

What could be more impulsive and self-centered? She gets to disrespect him and disregard my feelings with one sweeping event with only her needs in mind (whatever they are?).

I would pay big to be able to send hubby a aerial drone video of her running around the parking lot and staging that "accidental" run-in!  Boy would I love to have THAT digitized.

Unfortunately I foiled her plans. I went total no contact with some quick moves of my own.

I must have PTSD... .as just the peripheral glimpse of her put me into immediate "fight or flight" mode! I chose the latter.  

[antonio1213]

My friend. Be thankful you did not marry her. YOU DODGED A BULLET.  I have one week until my divorce is final after my 34 month journey of insanity. My costs $40-$50K (some will tell you I got off cheap). I put a prenuptial in place. If you are remotely considering marrying a BPD person, get yourself one.  Mine went ballistic about it. One of the few non-negotiable items I had. And probably about 1 of 3 smart moments I had in the relationship.

ABB

I laughed when I read the part you both said about dodging a bullet. That is exactly what my T kept emphasizing to me when I came to her. She kept telling me I am dodging a huge bullet and to be thankful I didn't get married and have kids.

ABB,

I am terribly sorry you are going through this. Everyone keeps telling me the same that I dodged a bullet. I know that is the case and I can consider myself fortunate in that perspective.

[mitchell16]

mine was very impulsive in all aspects. I used to tell her she had no impulse control but that was way before I found out about BPD or ever heard of BPD. On one of our longest break ups, after we got back togther she started drinking again, out of control drinking. And I was getting at the end of my rope with her behavior, lying, raging, trying to get me in the middle of a bar fights that had nothing to do with us or me. I told one of her friends I was again thinking about walking away from her and her friend ( huge enabler) said I dont know why she acts this way, knowing that was one of things that casued you guys to break up in the first place, all she talked about was you guys getting back together and shes acting like this again. Her friends said I just dont understand. Once I learned about BPD I knew it was impulse control, she just couldnt help herself.

You did dodge a bullet. It dont seem likel it and it wont for a long while but can you imgaine a lifetime of this behavior. I was watching the movie casino the oterh night and Sharon stone character acts just like my ex, her looks and everything. It was almost like watching my life 6 months ago. and in the end it ended badly for him and it would have ended badley for me. Im so glad im out of the stress. I still miss her and I miss what I perceived we had. BUt the stress of that realtionship was killing me and I really mean it killing me. I ran into a freind of mine who told me  that my personallity was100 tiems better then it was a year ago. I asked was I that bad. He said you seemed like you was stress and angry all the time. i was shocked cause I never kew thats what people where thinking about me.

[clydegriffith]

The BPDx was only very impulsive when it came to sex. The riskier the better.