Is it easier than normal for someone to manipulate or brainwash a BPD?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Is it easier than normal for someone to manipulate or brainwash a BPD? Can another person influence them into turning on someone else? If their SO or BFF has an issue with someone, even if it's the BPDs family member, can that person put the same thoughts into the BPDs head to pretty much brainwash them to feel the same? Is it really as easy as that person just complaining to the BPD about someone, that makes their whole image of the other person change? It seems to me that maybe they don't like when others are upset and come to them with their problems, they can't handle it, so even if they don't agree with the complaint at first, they try to eliminate the problem causing it so that the complainer can't come to them again. To explain a little more of what I mean, I'll tell my experience... .

My H and I moved in with his S, my SIL, right after she has our N. Not only did we need a place to stay, but she desperately wanted help around the house that already contained 6 others before us.( SIL,her BF/BD,her 17 yo D,her 19 yo S and his GF, and my BIL). A house full of people, yet not one of them worked or cleaned or did much of anything at all.  The house was a wreck. Dirty and extremely unsanitary. No place for a new baby. So we moved in under the impression that she wanted help. My H and I spent many hours and days getting this house to decent. And struggled to keep it that way. She was happy and alot less stressed. Until the others started talking. Her 2 teenage kids complained about having to pick up after themselves, and her bf/bd kept asking her if she was rally going to let us "take over" her house. She couldn't handle it, so she told my H to tell me to quit cleaning. After that it seemed as if the entire house was against us. Every problem somehow became our fault. Then her S and his GF moved out, and she broke up with her bf/bd. We were no longer the house enemies. But she recently got back with the bf/bd, and what would you know? My H and I are one again the number one issue of the house. Yet this time we have no idea why or what has been said about us. Just that he has some power over her that makes her turn on us in an instant.

Is that common? Manipulation, brainwashed? Whatever it is? Why is it so easy to do to a BPD if that's the case?

[Smallville]

Is it easier than normal for someone to manipulate or brainwash a BPD? Can another person influence them into turning on someone else? If their SO or BFF has an issue with someone, even if it's the BPDs family member, can that person put the same thoughts into the BPDs head to pretty much brainwash them to feel the same? Is it really as easy as that person just complaining to the BPD about someone, that makes their whole image of the other person change? It seems to me that maybe they don't like when others are upset and come to them with their problems, they can't handle it, so even if they don't agree with the complaint at first, they try to eliminate the problem causing it so that the complainer can't come to them again. To explain a little more of what I mean, I'll tell my experience... .

My H and I moved in with his S, my SIL, right after she has our N. Not only did we need a place to stay, but she desperately wanted help around the house that already contained 6 others before us.( SIL,her BF/BD,her 17 yo D,her 19 yo S and his GF, and my BIL). A house full of people, yet not one of them worked or cleaned or did much of anything at all.  The house was a wreck. Dirty and extremely unsanitary. No place for a new baby. So we moved in under the impression that she wanted help. My H and I spent many hours and days getting this house to decent. And struggled to keep it that way. She was happy and alot less stressed. Until the others started talking. Her 2 teenage kids complained about having to pick up after themselves, and her bf/bd kept asking her if she was rally going to let us "take over" her house. She couldn't handle it, so she told my H to tell me to quit cleaning. After that it seemed as if the entire house was against us. Every problem somehow became our fault. Then her S and his GF moved out, and she broke up with her bf/bd. We were no longer the house enemies. But she recently got back with the bf/bd, and what would you know? My H and I are one again the number one issue of the house. Yet this time we have no idea why or what has been said about us. Just that he has some power over her that makes her turn on us in an instant.

Is that common? Manipulation, brainwashed? Whatever it is? Why is it so easy to do to a BPD if that's the case?

[dustrat]

I wonder the same thing... .This most recent separation with my BPD wife has me wondering.  You see we have a neighbor girl that is 23 and became really close friends with my wife.  She is very immature and was always complaining to my wife about her marriage.  I was always curious to the thought of her almost brain washing my wife into thinking or painting Me a certain way.

[Turkish]

If we're talking about brainwashing colloquially (as opposed to a cult, or POWs), then perhaps it's manipulation or suggestibility. An Empty Self looks for a mirror to define themselves. Though not a BPD trait specifically, my mom has fallen for many get rich quick schemes. I can't count how much money she wasted over the years on various things. There was the $5k she blew to join a commodities trading scheme on which she lost $5k. I tried to appeal to her logic, since she was always much better at math than I was, but her mind was made up.

Recently, my much higher functioning uBPDx has joined a MLM. She's pursuing the wrong things, despite the fact that my financial advisor (in a meeting which she was at) suggested the opposite of what she is pursuing. I researched what he said to confim it, because that's what anyone should have: healthy skepticism.

I knew she was going full bore when she told me about the 10 hour sales meetings, which are basicall LGAT (Large Group Awareness Training... .aka, "brainwashing lite".

[drummerboy]

Interesting question, throughout my BPD r/s I often wondered the same thing, that it seems like she was easily influenced. She took my advice on some important career decisions very early on in the r/s and I often thought, this is the sort of person that would fall victim to a cult. Whoever was flavour of the month, me, her mum, her best friend, could wield enormous influence over her, guess that might have something to do with the mirroring.

[dustrat]

I often felt like my opinions didn't matter but her coworkers or friends had way more influence over her then myself... .Maybe that didn't help at all when she had already painted me black and was probly being told poor advice from friends almost as if they would just tell her what she wants to hear

[SlyQQ]

It is actually normally the reverse that is happening in order for the BPD to start brainwashing someone they appear compiant to there wishes an willing to please you can never brain wash someone with BPD the fundamental trust that must be engendered is missing 

[pessim-optimist]

Whoever was flavour of the month, me, her mum, her best friend, could wield enormous influence over her, guess that might have something to do with the mirroring.

That's very much like it. Due to their unstable sense of self, they tend to take on the likes, dislikes, allegiances, interests etc. of the people that they are currently closely connected with (or rather, enmeshed with).

These are subject to change in time, as their relationships aren't stable. So, yes, one day you may be the bad guy, and if they get close to someone who adores you, you are likely to become their hero again. But if that happens, it won't last either. Best to find your independent stable place and have the luxury to weather the storms with grace that way... .

[Linda Maria]

Hi Smallville!  Sorry to hear about what you're having to deal with.  This is an interesting thread.  My experience is quite different.  I have a uBPDsis who has made my life hell for the last 2 years following the death of my Mum.  I would call her high functioning.  I found, before I went NC, that it was impossible to influence her on anything, and I certainly can't imagine her being manipulated by anyone.  I think maybe there is a bit of NPD there as well, but certainly - even when I advised her on scenarios, solutions to problems, that to anyone else would have been no-brainers, she would never take advice, would continue to do nothing, so the situation escalated, or would do things that were clearly going to make things worse.  Long before I learned about BPD, over the last 20 years,  I used to get so weary of explaining again and again what she needed to do to solve a given problem, I used to offer to do it for her - write a letter, make a call, come with her to a meeting etc.  She never did any of it, and I just thought she wanted the drama to continue so she could carry on being a victim and getting attention.  But now, after the extreme smear campaign I have suffered the last 2 years, and the way she has held up sorting out my Mum's estate, which has cost both of us quite a lot of money, I no longer think there was any truth in any of the dramas of the last 20 years.  They were always with "unseen" parties, work colleagues, utility companies, neighbours etc.  Then she started smearing the professionals dealing with my Mum's estate, the solicitors, estate agents etc, and it just fell into place.  But she is so arrogant, so convinced she is right, and so determined to get her own way, that I can't see her ever being manipulated.  It is the reverse - she tries to manipulate other people, but in such bizarre ways, or else so transparently, that it doesn't ultimately work.  I don't know if this is a difference between high and low functioning BPDs?  Would be interested to know if others share this experience.