Clueless

[dan78]

Hi. My name is Dan. Im 36. Been divorced twice.  I am currently living with my gf of 1 year. We were together about 6 months 7 years ago but lost touch when she left me out of nowhere while carrying my baby to get back together with her exh. We got back in touch about a month before she moved here to be me bringing all 3 of her kids.  She was dxed with Borderline in the past, and when we were together the first time, it definitely fit... .all except the rages. The self-harm, attention seeking, the fear of abandonment... .but never the rages.

It doesnt seem to fit as well any longer. Does someone ever actually recover from Borderline?  Im not saying she is perfect.  She still has phases where she is overly emotional. She still has fears of being abandoned but its no longer crippling or suffocating and pass quickly with just a little reassurance. She hasnt self harmed or even come close to it in the yr we have been back together.  :)rugs and alcohol have not been an issue. She is still a bit needy at times... .but for the most part, she has been a strong, loving girlfriend and mother... .is this too good to be true?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

 

Good to see you here, it is good that you have an eye on this and looking for a clear understanding

The traits can change, sometimes of their own accord and sometimes as a result of environmental triggers, which may not be obvious.

High conflict has all but disappeared from our RS, but the acting in neediness is still there as strong, if not stronger than before.

Sometimes simple maturity can aid in ownership of their problems. The thought processes may still be the same but the need to react may be lower.

Normally it would take professional help for traits to be completely managed though.

A successful happy RS is still possible without what could be called recovery from the disorder.

[dan78]

She has changed a lot in 7 years. Thats for sure. She still has the traits the drew me to her in the first place... .funny, energetic, highly intelligent,  witty,  candid, irreverent, impulsive, affectionate, not to mention beautiful and so very sexy... .but the drama that made our first go at a relationship so rocky and full of drama seem to have softened somehow.

she used to fit the description of the borderline waif almost to a t. She seems stronger now and much less self centered. She is holding down 2 jobs, parenting the children, managing the household and maintaining a happy relationship with me. I dont think she would have been capable of all of those things before.  But I do see shades of the disorder now and then.  She cried herself to sleep once because she dreamed I was still in love with my ex... .she does have days where she seems very frightened I will leave her... .she is still very thin and sometimes convincing her to eat is a chore. But those are all minor behaviors that dont really bother me or cause any real drama.  Shes a wonderful person and I love her enough to help her through them.