Do they believe their own lies?

[jammo1989]

I honestly cant help but laugh at how the most illogical lies are put upon us, as I have spoken before about my ex who tried to Face time me after 4 months NC, well I was getting frustrated with myself ruminating about why she would reach out while happy and 3 months pregnant with my replacement, so I emailed her saying

"You face timed me the other day, whats up?

her reply 3 days later

No I didn't, I've not used FT for months. Everything is fine thanks, you okay?


I haven't even bothered to reply to this, I even print screened the missed call ha ha!

Why lie about the most ridiculous things?

[Infared]

The placemat to all people in the rest of the entire earth is Blue... .Everyday.

She says Mon.

"The placemat is Blue"

She say Tues.

"The placemat is Red"

She says Wed.  

"Of course the placemat is blue? I never said that it was red?"

How am I supposed to have a sane, consistent relationship with that... .especially when that kind of behavior is going on with things that matter, like an aging parent, security of a home, making plans with family, work... .etc... .

Everything becomes a psycho drama with the above going on and guess who's fault it ALWAYS is. That's right... .mine!

I actually got her to admit the placemat scenario once. Just once.

I asked... .look... .I really try to "show up" for all things... how am I supposed to have a calm, loving relationship with someone when this behavior constantly causes drama and fighting? The behavior is not mine, but it is blamed on me... .all things are blamed on me?

There was nothing but silence.

That was right before the end... .I think that the only reason she admitted to the behavior is because she was banging new supply and she probably thought if she did admit to it that I would break up with her and she wouldn't have to lie to me and abandon our relationship.  Its just a guess though.


Do they believe their lies?  Who knows.

What's cool today is... .Who cares!   

[jammo1989]

The placemat to all people in the rest of the entire earth is Blue... .Everyday.

She says Mon.

"The placemat is Blue"

She say Tues.

"The placemat is Red"

She says Wed.  

"Of course the placemat is blue? I never said that it was red?"

How am I supposed to have a sane, consistent relationship with that... .especially when that kind of behavior is going on with things that matter, like an aging parent, security of a home, making plans with family, work... .etc... .

Everything becomes a psycho drama with the above going on and guess who's fault it ALWAYS is. That's right... .mine!

I actually got her to admit the placemat scenario once. Just once.

I asked... .look... .I really try to "show up" for all things... how am I supposed to have a calm, loving relationship with someone when this behavior constantly causes drama and fighting? The behavior is not mine, but it is blamed on me... .all things are blamed on me?

There was nothing but silence.

That was right before the end... .I think that the only reason she admitted to the behavior is because she was banging new supply and she probably thought if she did admit to it that I would break up with her and she wouldn't have to lie to me and abandon our relationship.  Its just a guess though.


Do they believe their lies?  Who knows.

What's cool today is... .Who cares!   

Mate I find it hilarious, Its also made me realize what kind of relationship I was in, lieing about something when there's actual physical evidence is beyond me, yet its so ridiculous and so petty lieing about contacting me, I wouldn't have brought the question up to her otherwise.       

[.cup.car]

It's all part of the act. Anything that shifts the negative attention they're receiving onto someone else.

For example: I found out my ex was the town bicycle. I confronted her secret online girlfriend about it.

In an effort to keep the relationship positive with her online fling and shift the negative attention she was receiving onto someone else, she claimed I was a crazy stalker making up stories.

Like you OP, I took screenshots. Her online gf promptly left her. Two years later my ex was STILL trying to prove almost 150 screenshots of our intimate text messages were faked somehow and she *totally* never obsessed over me for five years.

The mentally ill cant into fact based arguments.

[JRT]

I had something similar

I wanted to see if mine was FB stalking me which I suspected that she was, even though she blocked me in every possible way (including FB) to contact me after suddenly breaking up and leaving while I was away... .she had left a lot of stuff here among which, one was an old steamer trunk full of family heirlooms... .I took a picture of it and added the caption, "I am cleaning out my basement and no longer have any use for this old trunk. I was going to drag it to the curb, but realized that someone might want it for themselves". At the time, I had a public profile so I posted it and waited... .

The day after, I received an IM from her GF FIRST thing in the morning... .the choice of messenger was interesting since this was her least liked friend and was usually not talking to her... .I suspect either that her other family and friends had refused to participate in the conversation and she found a perfect dupe in this one... .It also crossed my mind that my ex might have asked to use her account to communicate directly... .the GF is a bartender; not the type that would be up early in the morning.

Anyway, she had asked if she could come and pick up my ex's stuff, rather coldly... .my contention was that she would need to make arrangements to come and pick it up herself and come with an explanation as to why she did what she did... .I asked her repeatedly why my ex was stalking my FB account... .like in your case, she insisted that the obvious was not true... ."Well SOMEONE had to be AND have intimate enough knowledge about her furniture to have noticed it and identified it as hers". Not only did she IM over and over that no one was stalking my profile, but that the ex actually did't want her stuff back... ."Okay, so why did you contact me?" ... ."she does want any of that stuff!"... ."Okay, I'll just throw it out as I had planned"... ."Its over, just move on"... .and so on until at one point she had finally admitted that she wanted her stuff back then broke the conversation... .it was like talking to a drunk 5 year old! I couldn't believe the denial of the profoundly obvious.

[Suzn]

Before the end of my relationship with my exBPDgf, she suffered an injury to her forehead at work. She was given work comp and saw several doctors. She had lingering symptoms for quite some time afterwards, they started thinking she was faking it so they sent her to be tested. Mri, cat scan, the whole nine yards and they also sent her to be tested psychologically. I don't know what this test is called but it took the better part of a day to complete. Our relationship ended. after she was gone I ran across the paperwork for the results of this test. It was written in a lot of medical jargon that I didn't understand. However, there are a couple of sentences that were very clear and easy to understand. One of which said that the subject tested so far off the charts for PTSD that it could not be scored in this city. Meaning a specialist from a bigger city about 3 hours from here needed to come and score the test. And that they had no way of knowing if the subject of the test was being truthful and because of some of the answers on the test they weren't sure if she was aware if she was being truthful or not.

This realization of her mental status was pretty powerful. Even though I was hurt and angry for everything that had gone on in this relationship over the years that's when things started to make more sense. Two people, who knew my ex had brought up the fact that she was BPD in the past and I looked up the PD in the criteria and it didn't seem to match. It was at that point I started digging a little deeper and found this site and started reading about the behaviours. That's when it all matched and made sense.

It didn't stop there though. Once I started reading about people who are partners with people with BPD is when I started focusing on myself and found a T.

[mstnghu]

My wife lied about something completely crazy just this morning. On a normal morning, when my 3 1/2 year old son wakes up he'll be in his room yelling ":)addy" over and over and over again for me to come into his room... .very rarely is it "Mommy". This morning I was in the backyard taking my dog out to go relieve himself and I heard my son through the window in his bedroom yelling ":)addy". When I went back in the house, my wife was already in his room and tells me that he was yelling "Mommy" so she went into get him. I just rolled my eyes. It wasn't worth the argument. 

[Mutt]

Why lie about the most ridiculous things?

Her belief system is distorted and illogical. She has impairments and poor social skills. It could be she would see how you would react? She may of wanted immediate attention and was impulsive and may of dissociated ( lied ) to match her out of place feelings of excessive guilt or shame. It's how she copes.

[billypilgrim]

I actually got her to admit the placemat scenario once. Just once.

I was successful here once as well.  Only once.  And man, I never lived it down.  Heard about it constantly.  She said it made her feel so small and that she was so hurt that I belittled her feelings.  But of course that's a trigger, wish I had known that at the time.  All I did was point out how absolutely insane her feelings were.  I guess it does hurt when you point the mirror directly back at them and they see things how they really are.

After that episode, I learned to go back to the old ways of just smiling and nodding.  Apologizing - most of the time not even knowing what for.  The "You got it babe" type of answers.  What a miserable way to go through life. 

[clydegriffith]

In all fairness the facetime could have been by accident. I pocket "facetime" people every now and then and it's not just people i've recently called. Pretty much anyone on my contacts list is subject to this phenomenon.

[Mutt]

I think it goes to show it's 50 / 50 and speculation with what motivations our exes have. She may of tried to facetime or maybe it was an accident. I think what a friend taught me is that it's important not to patholgize everything. I understand when I was in LC and healing I'm guilty ( still am sometimes ) that I was analyzing a lot and it was interfering with healing. I had a hard time letting go due to my attachment style.

That said, I can't turn back the clock, I can take away that it's not always about a BPD behavior with my ex, first and foremost she's a person with clinical depression  ( diagnosed ) and shows traits of impulsivity, instability with interpersonal relationships, intense fear of abandonment and anger.

[jammo1989]

In all fairness the facetime could have been by accident. I pocket "facetime" people every now and then and it's not just people i've recently called. Pretty much anyone on my contacts list is subject to this phenomenon.

It wasnt by accident because she had blocked my number mobile and house as soon as she got with my replacment, and with that in mind she has an iphone, so to unblock me, she woud have hat to go to settings-contacts- edit- unblock-select number- contact list- find me then select facetime.  She then blocked my number again.  You cant accidentally manuver them actions in your pocket especially with an 8 stage process as well as having a touch screen phone with loads of selectable icons.  Also, to add to that settings is in a folder as well, so to even get to that its a a 2 step process, my only guess is that she was baiting me to get a reaction, but as far as an accidental pocket call, not a chance.