Giveaways that they're lying to you...

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

The time I spent with my ex was a long lesson in human behaviour.

One thing I learned about liars is (especially when its someone you are 'intimate' with) is that they become defensive and irritated when you question them about something, usually related to a lie they told you.

Anyone in their right mind would have the interest of their significant other at heart. For example, if I knew something I had said or done had upset them I would do ALL I can to put their mind at rest. Not these people, these people are all about self-preservation, protecting the lies...

The specifics of mine was that a friend of mine told me something about my ex's past (which was no big deal because it was exactly that, in the past) Rather than simply admitting it she kept up the lie for almost a year. I did not pester her with it, I simply mentioned it and gave her the opportunity to reply. Initially she gave me the silent treatment (another sign!) obviously taking time to figure out how to 'play it'

So, whenever anyone acts like this its a very good sign that they are trying to mislead you.

It took me months to realise I was being taken for a ride by this woman. In retrospect I can recognise so many occasions when she lied to me. Like the time near the end (when we had a row and gave each other space for the weekend) On the Monday her phone rang and she went white when I asked her who it was... Obviously my replacement, but I still bought the BS she fed me.

Part of the pain relating to the end of the relationship is self-respect. I'm a 49 year old man. Relatively smart and worldly wise, have been in a number of good, long term relationships, and I couldn't see what this vixen was doing right in front of my eyes. I played myself as much as she played me. Blinded by my own eyes, deafened by my own ears...

My only real concern now is how I take these experiences into my next relationship (which is a long time away... I can assure you of that... .)

[Technique]

The time I spent with my ex was a long lesson in human behaviour.

One thing I learned about liars is (especially when its someone you are 'intimate' with) is that they become defensive and irritated when you question them about something, usually related to a lie they told you.

Anyone in their right mind would have the interest of their significant other at heart. For example, if I knew something I had said or done had upset them I would do ALL I can to put their mind at rest. Not these people, these people are all about self-preservation, protecting the lies...

The specifics of mine was that a friend of mine told me something about my ex's past (which was no big deal because it was exactly that, in the past) Rather than simply admitting it she kept up the lie for almost a year. I did not pester her with it, I simply mentioned it and gave her the opportunity to reply. Initially she gave me the silent treatment (another sign!) obviously taking time to figure out how to 'play it'

So, whenever anyone acts like this its a very good sign that they are trying to mislead you.

It took me months to realise I was being taken for a ride by this woman. In retrospect I can recognise so many occasions when she lied to me. Like the time near the end (when we had a row and gave each other space for the weekend) On the Monday her phone rang and she went white when I asked her who it was... Obviously my replacement, but I still bought the BS she fed me.

Part of the pain relating to the end of the relationship is self-respect. I'm a 49 year old man. Relatively smart and worldly wise, have been in a number of good, long term relationships, and I couldn't see what this vixen was doing right in front of my eyes. I played myself as much as she played me. Blinded by my own eyes, deafened by my own ears...

My only real concern now is how I take these experiences into my next relationship (which is a long time away... I can assure you of that... .)

[Loveofhislife]

... .I played myself as much as she played me. Blinded by my own eyes, deafened by my own ears...

Beautiful quote, Technique, and absolutely true of me. I saw what I wanted to see. He became (in my mind) exactly who and what I wanted/needed him to be. I missed red flags that a 51-52 year old NEVER should have missed. I turned a blind eye and a deaf ear on his egregious behavior. Oddly, I literally went blind in my left eye after he left (from stress).

The lies should have been fairly easy to recognize. Like all great actors, he was able to suspend my disbelief and form a trauma bond based on lies and drama. I was a perfect foil after spending a 25 year marriage where I was bored and ignored: ripe for the picking of a BPD. I seemingly was the center of his universe: another lie.

I now must question EVERYTHING he told me--especially that he loved me.

[christin5433]

I also see I was lied to by a master manipulator who knew exactly how to get irritated at the right moment to show no interest at the right moment to not want to talk about past things and would look at me as if I was too deep or uninterested in topic ... .  And the catch is also knew when to zone on her phone at precisely the time to maybe discuss intimate matters. I see I must have had some sort of blinder on. And I was plagued w fear of her triggers because she could just go cold or abusive at any time any moment. They are actors in real life situations . I was fooled and I consider myself pretty sharp to false behavior. I think I knew I was too in love w her and are family together. Oh it's so hard to know inside myself I was taken and a fool. It takes more than a human to deal w this illness. It's a behavior so deep within that needs to be healed and its got to be there choice to change their cycle .

[saintjude]

  The defensiveness is certainly something I've experienced. You're right christin5433, in that most of us if confronted with something would want to make it right or clarify intentions, etc. Mine would just get furious and lash out. Zero concern that she may have said or done something harmful or hurtful.

  At the beginning I fell for it a time or five, but towards the end her words were vapor and it was clearer to see what was going on. Didn't hurt any less, but its much easier to deal with what you know and almost impossible do deal with what you don't know.

[Infared]

OK... .The first giveaway is that they are in front of you with their mouth open.

Or ... .they are on social media with a keyboard or key pad in their hands.   (sorry... couldn't resist)

I am going to be a little windy here and describe my very last encounter with my ex. Many may think I am crazy for what I think, but if I have any chance of someone understanding it is here. This goes back to the topic about of give-aways about lying. I set the stage to say that my ex found new supply, and abandoned our 5-year live in relationship in an extremely abrupt fashion and was telling lies to everyone in her life. Everyone. Also... .all the kookie drive-byes, acting out in public places, lying to her therapist and inviting me in for a beat down... .etc... .etc... .etc... .all apply here. You know what I am talking about. It all applies. We do not talk and also she will still act out with her partner (I think husband now) in front of me to hurt me emotionally whenever there is a chance public opportunity... he is in on their little game too... really sad).

I am always minding my own business... either alone or with a male friend... .I am single. Thank God.

I will tell this with my realizations just after the event that let me know exactly what went down... .not what she wanted me to think went down.

This is years out of the relationship, last attempted contact (by her) maybe 9months prior... .I am at the grocery store alone checking out... minding my own business.  ... .but I am not alone... .unbeknownst to me she is also somewhere in the checkout area ((and I would bet money... .that she was not done shopping but curtailed her purchases to engage in another "opportunity".   She knows I am there and (also knows where my car is!), she gets thru checkout with some groceries in her cart... .runs out to the parking lot and goes down the isle and goes past my car "almost" out of eyeshot... but not quite.  I also have to mention that this is a beautiful fall, late afternoon with nice warm light and she is dressed to the nines (at the grocery store... .hmmmm shopping for more than groceries perhaps? :-))... .summer dress, healed shoes etc... .

So... dum... dee... .dum... .I come walking out of the grocery store and head for my car... .my peripheral vision is still good so I noticed (had to recall this item after the fact... as I am not THAT quick on my feet to get all of this in real time), that this person was out of place, just standing still in the driving area with cart with groceries pointing toward the store (duh), and as I come out she starts her charge... .it was glorious too... .she is 5'11" and none too hard to look at... .the breeze was blowing her hair back just right and there was a determined strut with the motion... .And what she is trying to pull off is that this is an accidental run-in, with this surprised, confused look on her face and also... this look of like "everything is cool... .we just sat and talk in the park and chatted two weeks ago" or something?    

Now, only because of the unrelenting trauma this woman caused me and because of all of the self-help I have engaged in... .my immediate reaction to here 10 ft. in front of me at full "innocent charge" is to save and protect myself.  I put my head down, speed up and arc around her.  Thank God ... .she kept moving... (yes... .I looked over my shoulder... give me a break... I was doing the best I could in a 10-sec. period... LOL!)... .she took the opportunity to stop, let all the wind our of her lungs and slump over the cart with her hair hanging all around her face and give a giant sigh of oh... .I am so a victim of your mean avoidance.   ... .and then she put it back together (in 1 second... .) and walked off (thank you jesus) to her car which I noticed was 6 isles over.  Anyone watching this would have thought that the guy in the blue jeans and tee shirt and beat up sneakers (me), was obviously an ass!   Right?

Now... .back to the thread "how do you know she was telling a lie"... .  in this case... .she was just there trying to convince me that she was just accidentally running into me.  One giant lie.  What was I supposed to succumb to the lost beauty in the parking lot (victim) and rescue her again like I had for 5 years?  Also... .if I had engaged (now mind you... there has never been any admission or apology for her cheating and running off... .nothing), since it was an "accident" I am saying "hey... its all cool the way you treated me and still do treat me in public".  The whole interaction would have been on my emotional dime. Totally. also... .I do not know and do not want to know what the rest of her plan was because whatever it was I can count on the fact that my best interest was not in the forefront of her mind.


The things I don't get are:

Is her ego that huge that she thinks she can just seduce me into a conversation because she put a great plan of manipulation together? Is this how she approaches all situations in life?

Is she so delusional that she has no idea how her actions damaged me in the near and distant past and continue to hurt as she still practices them on me when she has a public opportunity.

Did she just think I should hang out with her and catch-up like she didn't abandon me during Christmas week?

  (HELP?)

... .but on her side of things... it was all one giant lie.  GIANT.  I was very happy that I handled it in the manner that I did... .It undoubtedly was the best play I had... .engagement is futile... .but it still upsets me, or I would not be here talking about it... .also... .I live alone and I have no replacement... .so this stuff just runs around in my head, over and over with no resolution... .but I can honestly say, in retrospect what I witnessed that day was a walking lie.   I wonder what her hubby would say if he had a video?  God help him... .

Can anyone relate to the behavior?

[Infared]

 

[FoolishMan]

Yes I can relate because the same thing has been done to me. We passed in the shop and ignored each other. Whilst at the checkouts I felt watched and turned round she was right behind me, smiling. I know now it was the morning after she'd first slept with my replacement. She looked so smug... I said "do your shopping somewhere else you whore" and her smug grin vanished and she started to cry. I walked quickly out. I got an email from her mum threatening me with police action. I told her mum by email every lie, every horrible thing her daughter had done. She responded by saying "no more harrassment" I live 200yrds from this shop and she lives 20 miles away so who was harassing who? I've never been near her town since we split up.

[Loveofhislife]

Infrared: kudos for your amazing discipline--I'm reasonably certain that I (curious cat to my own detriment) would have wanted to hear what he would have to say. But no matter what it would have been, it would have hurt me further. Yes, it's all a lie. They live a lie, and it sounds like your ex lives for attention. The childlike part is her acting as if NONE of the carnage has ever happened and you should be thrilled to see her. They love magical thinking, "Oh look! Our meeting was meant to be. The universe is telling us something. Perhaps we ARE meant to be together."

Foolish: even though my exbfBPD mom KNOWS nearly everything about his sordid past, relationships, and felonious history; she is his great enabler: holding him accountable for nothing and greatly enabling him. "He always comes out smelling like a rose," she says.

In my case, exbfBPD suddenly and with no warning abandoned me on August 1 not unlike "Gone Girl." He broke his lease and moved away. I know he has lied about me to service providers as I have attempted to collect my belongings when they look at me as if I might pull a gun at any moment. He turned my own lawyer against me. No one seems to think it's relevant that he spent three years in federal prison for financial fraud and is now on probation for doing to others what he did to me: stealing large sums of money and property.

It is AMAZING how many people (and I was one of them) buy into their lies.

[Infared]

Yes I can relate because the same thing has been done to me. We passed in the shop and ignored each other. Whilst at the checkouts I felt watched and turned round she was right behind me, smiling. I know now it was the morning after she'd first slept with my replacement. She looked so smug... I said "do your shopping somewhere else you whore" and her smug grin vanished and she started to cry. I walked quickly out. I got an email from her mum threatening me with police action. I told her mum by email every lie, every horrible thing her daughter had done. She responded by saying "no more harrassment" I live 200yrds from this shop and she lives 20 miles away so who was harassing who? I've never been near her town since we split up.

Oh... .we can not combat this... .we lose. No one would believe the truth coming from me. No one. That is part of the pain.

I am sure that my ex probably would have said something like this to her Mom. "oh... .I ran into infared yesterday and he was mean to me and ignored me".  Of course there is no mention to Mom about the REAL truth... only the 1/4 truth to get Mom's sympathy that she is a victim.  Ultimate manipulation... .and the sick part is... .they may even believe that they were a victim of me?

All the half lies and the omitted lies are the worst are more manipulative than the outright lies.

... .back to the thread... .it is REALLY difficult to tell when they are lying.

[Infared]

Infrared: kudos for your amazing discipline--I'm reasonably certain that I (curious cat to my own detriment) would have wanted to hear what he would have to say. But no matter what it would have been, it would have hurt me further. Yes, it's all a lie. They live a lie, and it sounds like your ex lives for attention. The childlike part is her acting as if NONE of the carnage has ever happened and you should be thrilled to see her. They love magical thinking, "Oh look! Our meeting was meant to be. The universe is telling us something. Perhaps we ARE meant to be together."

Foolish: even though my exbfBPD mom KNOWS nearly everything about his sordid past, relationships, and felonious history; she is his great enabler: holding him accountable for nothing and greatly enabling him. "He always comes out smelling like a rose," she says.

In my case, exbfBPD suddenly and with no warning abandoned me on August 1 not unlike "Gone Girl." He broke his lease and moved away. I know he has lied about me to service providers as I have attempted to collect my belongings when they look at me as if I might pull a gun at any moment. He turned my own lawyer against me. No one seems to think it's relevant that he spent three years in federal prison for financial fraud and is now in probation for doing to others what he did to me: stealing large sums of money and property.

It is AMAZING how many people (and I was one of them) buy into their lies.

You are reminding me that a decent honest person goes head to head with a skilled liar and a manipulator... .guess who "wins".  Of course in the long run they do not... .but in the short run... .her Mom (who I really really liked), thinks I am a bad person...  

All we can do is do our best to move forward.  (and yes... magical thinking ... .it was the thinking of a 7 year old... ."time has gone by and we can be best friends again now"... .  I just cannot do it.  I cannot be that inauthentic to myself and validate the behavior.   It isn't in me... .

[blackrazor]

I found my Ex would become defensive and irritated if you asked them about something negative, even if it was as a joke. Because I think the very fact that you associate them with this negative thing/action plays to their sense of shame a bit.

[raisins3142]

The signs are similar to signs a nonBPD is lying, from my experience, but on 'roids.

1. inconsistencies in stories at the time or when retelling (contradictions)

2. talking slowly so as to have time to think of what to say

3. defensiveness

4. not wanting to talk much because they are afraid they will keep giving away their lies

5. seeing them lie to others, them having liars for friends and being ok with that, and telling you that they could deceive someone and they would not know it (just means they are a liar in general)

[raisins3142]

You are reminding me that a decent honest person goes head to head with a skilled liar and a manipulator... .guess who "wins".  Of course in the long run they do not... .but in the short run... .her Mom (who I really really liked), thinks I am a bad person...  

All we can do is do our best to move forward.  (and yes... magical thinking ... .it was the thinking of a 7 year old... ."time has gone by and we can be best friends again now"... .  I just cannot do it.  I cannot be that inauthentic to myself and validate the behavior.   It isn't in me... .

Agreed.  Honesty, integrity, and adherence to logical principles are not "handicaps" but can appear as such when dealing with a BPD. 

[Skip]

Part of the pain relating to the end of the relationship is self-respect. I'm a 49 year old man. Relatively smart and worldly wise, have been in a number of good, long term relationships, and I couldn't see what this vixen was doing right in front of my eyes. I played myself as much as she played me. Blinded by my own eyes, deafened by my own ears... .

My only real concern now is how I take these experiences into my next relationship (which is a long time away... .I can assure you of that... . )

How do you do take these experiences into my next relationship without being bitter, pessimistic, hypersensitive?

[Infared]

Part of the pain relating to the end of the relationship is self-respect. I'm a 49 year old man. Relatively smart and worldly wise, have been in a number of good, long term relationships, and I couldn't see what this vixen was doing right in front of my eyes. I played myself as much as she played me. Blinded by my own eyes, deafened by my own ears... .

My only real concern now is how I take these experiences into my next relationship (which is a long time away... .I can assure you of that... . )

How do you do take these experiences into my next relationship without being bitter, pessimistic, hypersensitive?

Great question Skip, as usual.experiences into my next relationship and at the very least are jaded and hypersensitive.  I am human... . and some serious damage was done to me.

My short answer is we take these

[apollotech]

Today, now knowing what I know about my BPDexgf, if I was treading water in the middle of the Pacific and she told me that I was wet, I wouldn't believe her.

That being said, that is a statement of hindsight. I now know her to be a blatant liar. At the time of her lying (I am only addressing face to face exchanges.), I am not so sure that she could be easily caught without some of the common slipups previously mentioned---inconsistencies, defensiveness, silence, abruptly changing the subject, avoidance, etc. The trouble with catching a practiced liar, such as a compulsive liar, is that they believe their lies; to them, their lies are the truth, so they don't display the common tells that a normal liar displays---avoiding eye contact or an overabundance of eye contact, forced facial expressions and/or misplaced/miscued facial expressions, nervous behaviors (such as hand gestures or wringing of hands), overabundance of detail, overabundance of vocal inflection, poor body positioning (not parallel to the listener), etc.

As a pwBPD can create their own reality through their emotions, in relating said self-generated emotional reality, I am sure that they do not see themselves as lying. When coupled with a weakened ability to self-reflect due to possibly dredging up latent shame, their self-generated emotional reality is enforced by default as no other realities (truths) can be examined/assessed (polarized thinking).

[ShadowIntheNight]

My experience is that a skilled liar will answer the accusation kind of quickly, then deflect it and move on to something else. My ex rarely was defensive over a lie. I saw her in action lying to others on the phone when we were together. She didn't miss a beat. I could tell when she was lying because I would ask her are you telling me the truth. Not once, nit twice, but usually a third time. If she was, she would admit it by then. This was very effective for me. But it didn't stop her from lying... .

[Thread]

Christin5433 "it takes more than a human to deal with this illness!"

I feel you! Even when accidents happen like an accidental bump with an elbow while getting situated becomes "oh my gosh! Give me space" becomes my fault rather than a im sorry I just bumped you. Ugh so difficult  

[Mutt]

I played myself as much as she played me. Blinded by my own eyes, deafened by my own ears... .

Hi Technique,

Do you think the deeper issue is trust?

Did you trust her and she blindsided you and broke your trust or what you had left in you?

[Maternus]

I'm pretty sure my uBDex lied to me, when she told me, that she was single when we started our relationship. She left her husband more than a year ago before we met and she told me, that she had no relationships, dates or even an ONS after the breakup. But in hindsight and out of the FOG I found many clues, that I was the replacement for someone she never mentioned.

The first clue is: She was unemployed at that time , but owed a lot of money to the statutory health insurance for more than 6 month of that period. This is nearly impossible in our country - when you receive unemployment benefits your health insurance is paid by the job center. The only explanation is, that she did not file for unemployment benefits. She did the same when we were together. She lost her job but did not file for unemployment benefits for months and lived off my money. About three months before she broke up with me the bailiff was knocking on her door, because she ran in to debt with her health assurance again. And... . Ladies and Gentlemen... . she did it once again. I had an appointment with my career consultant today (who is also her consultant) and he did not know that we are separated. The first thing he asked me was "I invited your SO several times, since she has lost her job, but she never came around." Seems like she is living off the money of my replacement and does not care about her health insurance. She did it with me, she does it with my replacement and the pattern clearly shows, she has done it to someone else before.

Second clue: My ex and her daughter had a talk about the ex of my ex/father of her daughter, and my ex asked her daughter something like "Why do you think he is mad at me?" and her daughter answered "He said, you left him for another man." My ex immediately changed the topic.

Third clue: My ex had an after shave in her bathroom cabinet. She told, me she bought it herself, because she liked it. But she never used it.

Fourth clue: We chatted on a social media site more than half a year before we met (she is the daughter of a friend of my father it was this kind of "are you the son/daughter of x, I think I know you"-encounter.) Her profile picture at that time was her with her son sitting piggyback on her shoulder. But she changed it after some weeks to a picture of her posing lascivious on a sofa. She was not naked, it was not an inappropriate picture, but that picture stayed an enigma for me throughout our relationship. She did not look like the person I knew on this picture. She told me, that she was posing for a good friend who is a photograph. It's funny, she stopped posting on this site when we came together and she hasn't changed this picture since then. And this picture is not triggering me, it's the picture of a person I never knew. It doesn't look like the person I knew.

   

[tim_tom]

"Giveaways that they're lying to you... ."


their mouth is moving?

[OlderOne]

Mine lied all the time, even when it wasn't necessary. I believe it is a way of life with them and so I just expected a lie. I learned to read him, between the lines, and knew that I wanted out without triggering an abusive episode. It took a long time to escape.  I just want to heal and move on with my life.

[going places]

My only real concern now is how I take these experiences into my next relationship (which is a long time away... .I can assure you of that... . )

Oy.

Every time my ex opened his mouth, he lied... .no exaggeration.

Moving forward after 25 years of his abuse?

1. I will ALWAYS trust my gut. If I 'get that feeling' something ain't right? Run. And I will not look back.

I ignored my gut too many times. I will not do that again.

2. Journal. Just jot down a few thoughts about your day... .it's doesn't have to be a novel. Then go back after 30 days and 'see' what you wrote. If you "see" the red flags... .RUN

3. Do not settle. I will never again "settle".

4. Never, ever compare your old life to your new life.

5. Look for red flag language (verbal and body). Write it down. Then run.

[raisins3142]

Mine claimed that I lied about my feelings, while she lied about matters of fact (her past or what she was doing etc).

She thought these were equivalent.

They are not.

You can be feeling several conflicting things at once.  Or you can tell them you feel one way on Monday and then Tuesday feel something else.

For instance, I caught her up in some big lies and in the moment I acted like I was not that upset because I was processing it all and thinking.  The next day, I explained to her that I was upset and why.  So, she claimed I was just as bad because I lied about how upset I was about her lies!  Only in BPD land... .

Once she told me "I stopped by that new brewery for a beer on the way home from shopping, they had a great beer selection".  I knew of the place and that you had to pay to park and then walk a ways, so it seemed a weird spot to drop in by yourself for a second.  I asked "did you meet a friend or fly solo?"  She said by herself.

A month later she says "hey we should go to [insert name of same brewery], I've always wanted to go and I hear they have a great beer selection."

I tell her "you've already been there, you told me all about it.  now, were you lying now or then?  and why would you lie either time?"

She said something about forgetting she'd ever been there.

I'll never know.  That is just one weird example I remember out of 100s.  These people will drive you insane.

[felix22]

I saw a lot of the defensiveness, when asking the truth. My exUBPDso had no patience for my trust issues. Whereas I endlessly put effort into her BPD issues. It wasn't a two way street. I discovered some actual lies. The final synthesis of revealing their character for me was directed by my therapist. Early on in my relationship w/ my ex, my therapist told me that a good way to judge if someone is capable of much lying, is to look at their overall character. My therapist asked me "is your s.o. a person of integrity?"

     Eventually, I had to admit that my s.o. was a person of very little integrity. There were so many times that I had intuitive hunches. Or, even more than that, a feeling of being around a shady character, so to speak. It's difficult, because you want to go through the world being open to some degree and not shut yourself off to people and opportunities. I read a good quote recently. I'll try to paraphrase it from memory. 'Passion is a young man's game. Older people need to be careful.' Something that Dylan said in his AARP interview from last month (free online).

[clydegriffith]

Sure fire sign that she was lying was always "You want to know the truth, well here's the truth". That was always followed by some absurd lie.

[GrowThroughIt]

I've concluded that, the majority of what she would say were lies.

The way to know for definite was to call her out on one of her lies and watch her EXPLODE! Hahaha! I have to laugh otherwise I'd cry over how childish she was!

[raisins3142]

I shared this story on this forum in a past thread, but I'll reiterate briefly because it seems topical.

My ex and I had just finished a popular TV show where it seemed a character was lying to the other characters about his past and important elements about their collective future (he was manipulating them), but it was not yet revealed that he was lying (he was and I called it).

I told my ex why I thought he was lying and she said "I don't know sometimes people can come up with some pretty convincing stories."

Part of the character's lies were related to science/technology.  I told my ex "the way I would tell if he was lying is ask a specific question related to the technology he is speaking of, remember his answer, and then ask something similar a few days later to check for discrepancies". 

I said this very matter of fact and not in a way that she could misconstrue as me directing this at her somehow.

When she heard how I would systematically reveal a liar my ex began weeping suddenly and put her head in her hands.

I was thinking "wow, this isn't a good sign."

[Blimblam]

We are all liars. Everyone has lied. I think the biggest lies are te ones we tell ourselves.

So if I have to lie to myself to believe somone else then that's probably the best Indicater that I'm being lied to.

Why would one feel the need to lie?

[GrowThroughIt]

We are all liars. Everyone has lied. I think the biggest lies are te ones we tell ourselves.

So if I have to lie to myself to believe somone else then that's probably the best Indicater that I'm being lied to.

Why would one feel the need to lie?

So true... .