At a total Loss

Hi i'm 34 and from the UK father to 2 boys (3 and 5) and husband. My wife has BPD has been suffering with it since she was 16/17(ish) (we met at university when we were both 20) and has only been recently diagnosed with BPD. Before we have been constantly told that she was suffereing with depression. Since the correct diagnosis its been pretty clear that our marriage/relationship has almost followed the classic I love you/I hate you relationship.

Recently after a 11 week stint in hospital my wife entered into an affair with 1 of the hospitals peer support workers this is now finished and he is hopefully going to get what is coming to him. I have decided to forgive her but reconciliation is going well but very slow to bring back the intimate side of our marriage.

Recently she confessed that all she thinks about is casual sex with strangers to make her feel wanted and attractive. she claims that she wants our family to work (with have 2 boys - 3 and 5) but is so miserable and needs a change. She told me that even though I try and make her very special and attractive there is no challenge when it come from me, its expected and therefore she doesn't believe or doesn't care any more. I told her if she follows this lifestyle she has to leave and subsequently she said that she would always choose our family.

I feel so humiliated and broken, my confidence is on the floor and am now suffering with mild depression which is being treated with a counsellor and anti depressants... .

I am just at a loss, I don't want to loose her as I am so in love with her, but its clearly not reciprocated. Even if I did leave I still care about her and having had to deal with at least 1 overdose where I had to physically remove tablets from her mouth I know she will do this again. She has no family near us and while they are supportive they've made it clear they do not understand and don't want the responsibility of looking after her. Also my wife has identified her sister and mother as 1 of her triggers...

Her mental health team have been very poor and while she is currently waiting on mentalization treatment to start we still have no idea whats going on... .Her psychiatrist is still prescribing lithium and venlafaxine and they are clearly doing nothing but he just says thats the best treatment for treatment resistant depressives. i have to point out my wife has been out of hospital since July 2014 and he has seen her once since then and just hides behind my wifes community psychiatric nurse. In fact I only managed to get an emergency appointment with him because I threaten to complain... In this time since he saw her a nurse added some quetiapine to her regular meds and the A+E psychiatrist lowered her lithium dosage after her overdose both should have been reviewed by her psychiatrist but haven't... .

I know they're aren't any answers but I am just at a loss, can things get better? is it just going to end inevitably? can I trust her... .any help or support would be great... .

thank you

a very broken husband and father!



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