Opinions needed please

[jammo1989]

 Right so I earlier spoke about my ex who unblocked my number, Face timed me then blocked me again 4 months into NC, I then emailed her 2 weeks later the conversation is as follows:

ME- You face timed me the other day, whats up?

Her- No I didn't, I've not used FT for months. Everything is fine thanks, you okay?

ME- Oh ok, must have been one of the lil rascals on your phone then, yeah im good thanks.

Her- Oh right, sorry about that. Oh good (thumbs up)

My point here being she left it without a question, so im not going to reply, but my question here is this

In your personal opinion, why would she lie and say no i never face timed you, but after I sent a print screen of the call she resorts to say sorry about that, why cant she just be like "Yeah I did call you" why lie then when shown proof reply with oh right, sorry about that?

Furthermore, the thumbs up at the end sarcastic as hell if shes so happy with this new guy why act in such a sarcastic manner?

Thank you all   

[billypilgrim]

My personal opinion?  They aren't right.  They don't think the way we do.  There's a different set of needs that govern their lives and they don't abide by the same social norms that we do.  Why does mine still have the keys to my house despite repeated requests for them back?  Why is mine still driving a car around in my name despite legal documentation in which she SIGNED that states she needs to move the title into her name?  Why did mine lie to my face about having feelings for a friend of mine?  Why did she run up credit card debt 3-4 times during our time together?  Why does she use intimacy to control?  Why did she lie about her abortion?  Why can't she be faithful?  They're sick.  Plain and simple.  We could play the why game for days on end but for me it all comes back to the the name of this forum. 

If you want to get into the wiring as to what the conversation is like between synapses that makes them think the way they do, that's a different story.  My guess is that they have a projection of what they think they should and shouldn't do.  And when they break that projection, they feel shame so they lie about it (dissociation).  Or pretend it didn't even happen.  I bet if you ask her again in a few weeks, she may even remember face timing you and admit to it.  Mine did this a lot.  No one week, yes the next.  Rinse/repeat. 

[clydegriffith]

Honestly i think you're making too much of the face time call. It happened once then she didn't reach out again. It's entirely possible that it was not intentional. I don't think it's anything but if she were up to something you would be playing into her hands by responding. Just let it be.

[raisins3142]

If a NON friend of mine did this, then I would assume it was a "butt dial" or that they accidentally hit the wrong contact and then ended it shortly or when they noticed.

If it was my uBPDexgf, then I would be more likely to think it was a lie and manipulation because she is a liar.

Now, sometimes liars can "butt dial", so it is remotely possible that she is being somewhat truthful.

I'd let it go.

I agree with the other poster that you can't make sense out of them, and, for me, part of letting go is trying to not understand why they did things as they did.  Their minds don't work like ours.

[jammo1989]

Honestly i think you're making too much of the face time call. It happened once then she didn't reach out again. It's entirely possible that it was not intentional. I don't think it's anything but if she were up to something you would be playing into her hands by responding. Just let it be.

Yeah this is so trivial, that I can agree with, but I was doing pretty well untill she decided to unblock me and Face time, If you own an iphone you would know to unblock a number it takes like 6 different actions to unblock a number, and your right, "your playing into her hands by responding* but she goes from lieing to oh sorry about that when I know it was intentional, I know that because she blocked my number within 20 minutes of me calling back on an unknown number.  

[fromheeltoheal]

The real question is why did you send a message to someone you're trying to remove from your life?  What she does will become irrelevant if you focus on your future, visualize what you want your life to be like, and take steps in that direction; each little piece of interaction is like an anchor, holding you back.  You're going to ruminate and process, all of that is healthy, but any further interaction with her just adds to the processing pile.  You know that jammo.  Time to let go?

[JRT]

I don't think that you are making too much of this. I actually think that this is a bit of a seminal moment.

I read a piece here last week. It was by a BPD woman who explained what was going on in her mind regarding this very thing and blocking in general. It was very enlightening. She explained, if I remember correctly, that the great the effort to block - to the extent that you are totally cutoff, is a manifestation of how much you had meant to them. The duration of the NC period for them is represented by a feeling by them that there is still a chance or hope for your relationship (so they don't contact, don't shoot the messenger here). Along the way to indifference (when they tend to unblock you permanently), they will unblock and 'test' contact to gauge if they are able to handle the emotions. According to her, they are usually unable to handle the emotion and then reblock (mine did this... .I texted her and then she reblocked me... .a call to her later resulted in a call to the police).

As far as her denying that she even contacted you at all, I think that is just old fashioned ego reacting sloppily under pressure and her negation is a knee jerk reaction that is coming from someone who (likely) not only has a pattern of lying, but also wrongly convinced herself that you were going to abandon her THEN (likely) told her family and friends and anyone that would listen a sordid tale of drunkenness and cruelty about you. Whats another lie on top of it? (Mine, through a friend of hers that IM'd me to collect some of her property, had denied SEVERAL times on the IM that my ex even wanted the stuff even though she had contacted me EXPLICITLY for the purpose of having it returned! I asked her if she contacted me to talk about the weather. I'm still trying to figure that one out.).

[clydegriffith]

The real question is why did you send a message to someone you're trying to remove from your life?  What she does will become irrelevant if you focus on your future, visualize what you want your life to be like, and take steps in that direction; each little piece of interaction is like an anchor, holding you back.  You're going to ruminate and process, all of that is healthy, but any further interaction with her just adds to the processing pile.  You know that jammo.  Time to let go?

I agree. I found out long ago that asking "why?" is no good for you. When you ask why you assume that there is a logical sane reason to whatever the action was. There is not. Asking why or wondering will only set you back.