In the first instance I mean I am healing, I am 8 weeks out now, after a two and a half year relationship and engagement with MC through proxies. But I am curious as to whether the slow play can influence her towards healing herself and finding a place where we can have something again. I'm not saying this out of need, I'm in a pretty good place right now. But weighing all options, I want to know if this is one of them.
I'm happy to hear you feel better. From my experience it took me a long time to come to terms with mental illness and that someone I love is afflicted with and suffers from a serious personality disorder.
I'm of sound mind whereas her belief system is distorted. Her reality is different than mine and she survives day by day. BPD is ingrained in her personality and she hasn't given me any sort of indicator of self-awareness. I think that she has to have a sense that there's something off and that she needs help for herself. I don't think that I could convince her otherwise. This isn't the case with every pwBPD, some choose to get help.
You know her best than anyone in the boards. How self-aware is she? Does she think she may be mentally ill? Does she have a desire to seek help?
That being said, I acknowledged that I was in denial that my ex is sick. I didn't want to believe that someone that was of very significant importance to me is mentally ill. As much as I didn't like this, I had to accept reality for what it is to ease my feelings and come to terms with them.
I understand her coping skills are very different than mine and I have an anxious attachment style. I had to let her go and take the love and focus I had on her. Turn that back on myself for my self care, so that I could have strong mental health to take care if our kids. I had to accept my denial that she's mentally ill and it's not something that I can fix or convince her to help herself.
Our marriage and r/s is in the past and I live in the present, circumstances are different and she's in a new committed relationship. Her new significant other could try to help, her family members or perhaps my kids when they're older. I focus on my well-being. I can have compassion with boundaries. I'm also careful that I don't get enmeshed in her stuff or try to rescue her.
