Hi everyone,
I'm interested in hearing about your experiences with you BPD SO trying to guilt you into staying in a relationship. I told my wife (and mother of two young kids) 5 months ago that I wanted a divorce because of her emotionally abusive behavior. Obviously, divorcing with kids is the last option, but I was at wits end. Anyway, I ended up backing down and giving marital counseling another shot. But since then, my uBPDw incessantly guilt trips and shames me about my threat to divorce--even though I backed down.
Here is a pretty typical guilt tripping text that she sent me today:
"Also I have to say I find it incredibly hurtful that you and your family were pursuing a course of action where I would go back to work and the kids would have a nanny or be in daycare. I also find it hypocritical and deceitful that you say your family has the children's best interest at heart. It is NEVER better for children to be looked after a 3rd party rather than their mother unless there at extreme circumstances. This course of action that you chose to pursue is NOT one that is best for the children"
What do you all think? What are your experiences with guilt trips? Have you seen anything similar?
This is interesting. I was not involved but I witnessed it. My ex's (ex husband) (they were separated at the time for 4 months when I met her) was a unique dude. She painted him to me as the devil, but as the relationship went on I realized he was a good guy. I witnessed the text wars, the provocation, the subtle threats, etc.
You want to know what to do?
KILL IT WITH SILENCE. Kids or no kids, assets, etc, you REFUSE to acknowledge, to respond to, or to bite on any provocation. She is TRYING desperately to maintain control. You don't have to ignore her. You just keep everything 100% transactional. My ex's ex husband was so disciplined. He was remarkable. She would rage at him via text and he would not respond. Nothing. Then she'd say, do you know where (her son) blanket is? I didn't see it in his cubbies at daycare? And he'd instantly respond. "It's in his backpack."
He was a master of refusing to give her ANYTHING. It's the only way. All her nonsense about negotiating is BS. She isn't interested in resolution right now. She's trying to make herself out to be a victim. Do all that "negotiating" through an attorney with the final settlement, etc. But all the verbiage in-between IGNORE.
