Home page of BPDFamily.com, online relationship supportMember registration here
September 19, 2021, 04:09:18 AM *
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Board Admins: Harri, Once Removed
Senior Ambassadors: Cat Familiar, I Am Redeemed, Mutt, Turkish
  Help!   Boards   Please Donate Login to Post New?--Click here to register  
bing
Depression = 72% of members
Take the test, read about the implications, and check out the remedies.
111
Pages: [1]   Go Down
  Print  
Author Topic: How many people have been dumped by a BPD out of the blue?  (Read 4146 times)
blue917

Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 8



« on: February 20, 2015, 09:31:21 AM »

I  was dumped 4 months ago and I cannot really recover. I have been over-excercizing and I have essentially become nocturnal. My friends are a great support structure and try to get me to date and they schedule time with me ... take me to dinner, talk etc. to make sure I am ok. I will live but I'm in distress. I quit my job because I did not like it and the break up made it harder to deal. The truth is I fake it to be ok... I just go with the flow as best as I can... .Before my boyfriend switched into the blaming, delusional, paranoid and rage filled guy he was absolutely charming and amazing and beautiful. He was so good at reading me and knew my personality within weeks of dating. Extremely  gentle and caring. ONE day things were great and in a matter of HOURS he did not have feelings for me anymore. Unfortunately we were on our first trip together which we were counting on the days to go away and relax. when we got to the resort,  he completely shut down And did not talk much... .sometimes he got paranoid people were watching us ... .accused me of not trusting him about stuff... .I also noticed he was starting to keep track of my behaviors  like a checklist. When we came back from the trip he was alternating between being nice and then lashing out in irritation over simple comments. later he texted me saying he was going in debt on his credit cards so I offered to help pay for stuff. He refused. I know he was switching again into the rage phase. Out of the blue, he texted that he was "done" and he wants me to move on. I was she'll shocked. We never talked about why and he said he ferls bad and he is sorry because he knows i care about him. he told me he wants to be alone and he is a loner and doesn't want a relationship and he was only with me because he was lonely but he is not anymore and doesn't want anything from me and never to contact him. ugh, it is unbearable. It's not the same hurt as other break ups... .it goes from major affection to being thrown off a cliff into the ocean where you slowly sinking into a deep cold dark abyss. why can't I just stop thinking and dreaming of him. Especially because he was delusional during the break up and created fake things about me (that I lie and he doesn't like some side of me) he created things to make me seem imperfect and said he doesn't like me... .move on. It was like 2 different guys in one. When i saw him the last time, i could see the nice guy come through and sometimes smile but the mean one took over and got madder and pushed me away... his facial features were even changed. I will never forget him and don't regret anything. But I can't move on. I'm just in this cold limbo.the love you feel and grow into with a person that has a behavior issue is incredibly deep and sensual and extraordinary. ... they are perceptive and intuitive and mean it when they love you... .but the pain is so profound. I'm permanently damaged and like a drug I need my fix and want him back but maybe that character is gone too. They change masks all the time and each character is different never to be repeated. I'm sure even if I go back to him, hypothetically speaking, it won't be the the Steve I loved. There's something new in that she'll now.
Logged
downwhim
*****
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 707



« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2015, 10:07:49 AM »

Renoir, not following I guess. So you got married in September and after the wedding ceremony he dumped you? Is that right?

Aren't they just unbelievable? Mine started acting distant this last summer we were engaged a year ago Thanksgiving weekend. we both had surgeries his in January and mine in April. So, the summer was our time to heal up, attend 3 other weddings then start planning our own.

His son started making comments. His daughter said, "my mom says it is weird for dad to get married for the 3rd time." My exBPD fiancé started treating me like crap. No sex, distancing, said he didn't date enough. Said he needed to spend time alone, quit calling, didn't show up for events. Then the email came calling off the engagement. Telling me it is OVER. Give him back his stuff, give him $300.00 for a trip we were taking, give him HIS ring back. Do not contact him and no more personal talk. He told me two days before this he loved me and had loved me the entire 8 years we were together.

Go figure... .called borderline personality disorder. I have learned a lot in the last 4 1/2 months here. He is very sick and I am very co dependent. Stay N/C. That is all I can tell you... .do not make contact UNLESS you want to get hurt.

 
Logged
Keysmiami

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 45


« Reply #2 on: February 20, 2015, 01:20:18 PM »

This just happened to me. She cut it from one day to the next. It is so sad as she has a little six year old that I adored. Now I'm painted black as I did one thing wrong in knowing her for three years. She is not diagnosed but I see so many similarities in everyone's story. I want to reach out to her and go back to the way we were but she is treating me like I'm a monster. This nc thing is too hard for me. I'm so depressed. Anything I could do to get through to her?
Logged
JRT
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1809


« Reply #3 on: February 20, 2015, 01:33:30 PM »

My fiance and I had a relationship free of much of the raging and other negative qualities that seem to define most BPD relationships. She was a waif/hermit and out side of some recycling, there was very little evidence of anything serious going on underneath the surface... .even the recycles seemed to diminish in intensity, duration and frequency - Knowing nothing about BPD, I thought it was just something that she needed to 'get out of her system'. Other than some personality quirks and a highly obnoxious 18 year old son (he should have been a huge red flag for me), we had what I thought was a very good relationship.

We had become engaged and she moved into my house and her son moved into his step-dad's house, We began to plan our wedding and make plans for this and that, life was good. I had to go out of town for work... .in the morning I received the usual texts; 'hows it going', 'i miss you' and then in the afternoon I received one that said, "Our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .don't try to contact me'. I never saw it coming at all... .not even a hint.

Of course I immediately called her only to find that I was blocked... .same with text. Then I tried to call her son... .blocked there too. I then called her friends and a few family members and got mostly voice mail. Then a text 'if you try to call any of my family again, I will call the police'.

I got to the hotel and tried to contact her and got her voice mail. My message was 'this is not us, call me please' but the call was never returned. I emailed her when I returned but was blocked there as well. I was also, at first, unfriended on FB (it was odd that she didn't remove photos of me on her feed) then I was blocked. She unfriended my friends immediately and somehow, compelled all of her family and friends to unfriend me as well. I can only imagine what she told them in order to do that? If someone asked me to do that, it would take some serious offense for me to do so.

Two weeks later I received a letter from the law firm that her son worked at very briefly making accusations of stalking and threatening a PPO against me. I also tired to call her this past xmas eve; she hung up when I said hello and I then received a call from the cops as a result. Other than that, I have not heard from her at all in 5 months. I even still have some property that belongs to her that is very valuable that I am finding it difficult to return. The way tha she has responded is the type of response to someone who routinely beat her or was abusive when she was treated like a queen (I'm not a doormat by any stretch but I really gave her the best of everything and treated her with respect and patience). Her behavior is SO out of proportion!

Meanwhile, I know 100% that she is/was stalking me on FB (I caught her red handed then had to make my profile 'friends only' and I suspect that she has attempted to hack into my account and God knows what else. Can you believe this!

I have read some perspectives from other borderlines that seem to indicate that those of us that have been cut off in this fashion seems to indicate that being cut off and painted black in this fashion is a sign that not only did they care and thought the world of us, but that they had profound feelings in this way. That the thought of abandonment and life without us was so unbearable, that the splitting, painting black and cutting off take extreme proportions. I know this as I was her longest relationship in all of her 45 years.

I think that its natural to spy on our ex's on social media. Mine has me blocked so I can only see limited things from an anonymous account. To this day, her friends and family go from unfriending me to blocking me. This tells me that either she is still raging against me and they are doing this in sympathy or that she is so messed up, that she is not taking things very well; they thinking that it is all my fault. Surprise!

I know the pain and confusion that all of you have gone through/are going through (if you are still a visitor, it would be great to hear an update). We gave to them to them from our hearts, unselfishly, unpretentiously, with nothing but their best interest and happiness as our recompense. In many cases, we gave when we cannot ever give again and the gesture was returned this way. Hugs to you all... .
Logged
zeus123
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 217


« Reply #4 on: February 20, 2015, 03:41:49 PM »

A man's ego takes a jab when a woman leaves--but a borderline leaves you feeling guilty,ashamed,castrated,unlovable,emasculated,worthless etc. you've been trying to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional female.you will never know where you stand with a borderline, because they're not capable of discerning this for themselves, you'll continually wrestle with this discrepancy, because you're trying to make sense of it! don't bother. it is nonsensical, until you start to accept that this is typical BPD behavior.

borderlines can leave solid, long-term attachments or marriages very suddenly. you'll be feeling shocked and bewildered  by this--you might vacillate between numbness and tormenting confusion, but what's even worse, is she'll have you thinking you're responsible for this outcome!when you've done virtually everything to keep her satisfied and happy throughout this relationship, you're left only with a sense of sheer exhaustion, painful craving and deep betrayal. losing a borderline is like being in a  hit-and-run accident. you're in trauma, and she speeds away without a moment's consideration for the carnage she's left behind. that's brutality. emotional cut-off is second nature to this woman. it's natural for you to wonder if she really loved you, or meant the things she said while you were together-particularly if she's diminishing you or your importance to her,now, was she "faking it?" no, but you must understand, this is part of that splitting reflex and just one of the survival tools  she's carried since infancy, you cannot fix this.

borderlines don't have to change, because they don't have to! her great looks and captivating charms continually allow her to seduce men, which feeds her narcissism.

yes of course, you'll feel sorry for her! she'll tug relentlessly at your heart strings when she's sobbing and telling you how empty,alone,desperate and sad she is, and you'll feel compelled to offer solace and comfort, but don't. she will survive she always has.by the time she's doe with you, you could feel a shadow of your former self--an empty shell of a man, the borderline is an emotional vampire; she steadily wears you down with constant brainwashing and drains your vitality. her skewed perceptions make you feel as if you're viewing yourself in a fun house mirror, and you begin thinking that this distorted reflection of you is accurate!

love is an ever-expanding sense of trust in another, along with admiration and respect for their character, attributes and qualities. the feelings you've had for this woman aren't actually "love", they're infatuation, addiction and obsession. using this word in reference to her,keep you trapped in painful yearning--so try and drop it from your vocabulary. you were understandably inebriated with how her attention helped you feel about yourself, but real love is neither painful nor obsessional. pain could have become associated and confused. with loving throughout your childhood---but it's the antithesis of consistently stable, nourishing relationships.
Logged
Keysmiami

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 45


« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2015, 04:45:37 PM »

Wow Zeuss what a description. I can't make sense of what I have just gone through. She was everything I ever wanted in a women and she just cut it and cast me aside after three years of friendship and four months of a relationship. There were moments where I was happy and moments where I wanted to drive my car through a wall because I coudnt understand the insensitivity. She's a beautiful women with many charms. She's flirty with everyone. I thought I was a secure man until I went out with her but I never showed any insecurity. I put her off for three years as I sensed something was off I only agreed to go out with her because it just happened. She wanted it and was in but she experienced something different than I did. I did so much for her because she needed me to and was accepting of it. I loved her and adored her kids. Her little one was so attached to me and I was the only father figure she knew. None of it makes sense. I know I could never have a normal relationship with her now but still want her in my life somehow. She painted me black now so I can't do anything to get through to her. Any advice would help. All I do is think of her and miss her and miss us. Would love to breakthrough to her somehow.
Logged
zeus123
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 217


« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2015, 05:28:50 AM »

hi keysmiami.

you believe that if your ex returns, you will be able to get rid of these horrible sensations, and feel Ok? think again!

once in awhile your rational mind recalls the torment of that affair, and you're not certain you want that part again-- but anything must be better than what you are feeling right now! this conflict between what you need and what you want,confuses and intensifies your struggle,because you're hopelessly trapped in yearning for a girl you've sensed isn't healthy for you! your ambivalence is completely normal--but it adds to your feelings of shame about being out of control and a little 'crazy'. there is a ridiculously simple explanation for all of this; you've been trying to have a functional relationship with a dysfunctional woman.The dangerous diabolical hook with borderlines, is they initially come across as genuine, and completely without pretense,guile or disguise. this help you drop your guard, and makes it easy to trust that their statements to you are real--and they're authentic, integrous individuals. The ease you have felt with her is so natural and wholesome, it seems you've waited for this your whole life! these early behaviors are central to her seduction plan;as soon as she sense you're captivated , or captured--and those episodes of delicious intimacy become fewer and further apart. you cannot help agonizing over how she could leave--given all the times she told you this was the "best sex" she'd ever had, how much she needed you, and that she could never imagine living without you! you've believed you were the center of her universe,and it was safe to let your guard down, and trust that she was here to stay.

If you're the one wanting to maintain the connection--in spite of all the pain this gal caused you, you are only trying to escape the toxic shame you're experiencing in the aftermath of this relationship, and understandably trying to bandage your ego. if you think your ex can't seriously wounding to you when sex isn't part of your dynamic anymore,you're kidding yourself.

The minute you make contact with her, you're giving away your power! no matter what you think you need to say to this female, the dialogues will leave you feeling worse, not better. don't try to contact her and don't respond to any of her "emergencies" it won't win her back or make her think more highly of you, she will treat you with contempt and disdain, besides by the time you get back to her,she's onto something else.doing so,only prolongs your pain.

The borderline is much like a tornado that rips through your world,leaving behind destruction and chaos in its wake. you can easily lose your home and family, your job or business, your health, your reputation,your friends, etc. is she really worth it? you be the judge... .
Logged
Keysmiami

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 45


« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2015, 07:24:32 AM »

Thanks Zeuss I have to remember this. I was very healthy before I was with her now I have difficulty getting out of bed. How do you know so much about this?
Logged
going places
******
Offline Offline

Gender: Female
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Child
Relationship status: Divorced
Posts: 835



« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2015, 08:26:52 AM »

I  was dumped 4 months ago and I cannot really recover. I have been over-excercizing and I have essentially become nocturnal. My friends are a great support structure and try to get me to date and they schedule time with me ... take me to dinner, talk etc. to make sure I am ok. I will live but I'm in distress. I quit my job because I did not like it and the break up made it harder to deal. The truth is I fake it to be ok... I just go with the flow as best as I can... .Before my boyfriend switched into the blaming, delusional, paranoid and rage filled guy he was absolutely charming and amazing and beautiful. He was so good at reading me and knew my personality within weeks of dating. Extremely  gentle and caring. ONE day things were great and in a matter of HOURS he did not have feelings for me anymore. Unfortunately we were on our first trip together which we were counting on the days to go away and relax. when we got to the resort,  he completely shut down And did not talk much... .sometimes he got paranoid people were watching us ... .accused me of not trusting him about stuff... .I also noticed he was starting to keep track of my behaviors  like a checklist. When we came back from the trip he was alternating between being nice and then lashing out in irritation over simple comments. later he texted me saying he was going in debt on his credit cards so I offered to help pay for stuff. He refused. I know he was switching again into the rage phase. Out of the blue, he texted that he was "done" and he wants me to move on. I was she'll shocked. We never talked about why and he said he ferls bad and he is sorry because he knows i care about him. he told me he wants to be alone and he is a loner and doesn't want a relationship and he was only with me because he was lonely but he is not anymore and doesn't want anything from me and never to contact him. ugh, it is unbearable. It's not the same hurt as other break ups... .it goes from major affection to being thrown off a cliff into the ocean where you slowly sinking into a deep cold dark abyss. why can't I just stop thinking and dreaming of him. Especially because he was delusional during the break up and created fake things about me (that I lie and he doesn't like some side of me) he created things to make me seem imperfect and said he doesn't like me... .move on. It was like 2 different guys in one. When i saw him the last time, i could see the nice guy come through and sometimes smile but the mean one took over and got madder and pushed me away... his facial features were even changed. I will never forget him and don't regret anything. But I can't move on

.

After 20+ years of marriage, I was blindsided too.

I didn't think I could move on either.

I 'lost me' trying to 'save him-us-the marriage-etc'

It took almost 3 years after his mask fell off for me to find 'me' and start moving on.

You have to put 100% of your focus on YOU and healing YOU and not 'fixing' him.


Excerpt
I'm just in this cold limbo.the love you feel and grow into with a person that has a behavior issue is incredibly deep and sensual and extraordinary. ... they are perceptive and intuitive and mean it when they love you... .but the pain is so profound. I'm permanently damaged and like a drug I need my fix and want him back but maybe that character is gone too. They change masks all the time and each character is different never to be repeated.

This is no way to live. This is not 'life'.

This is prison of pain.

Google "abuse advocate" with your city and state and find someone to talk too.

Get help healing you.


Excerpt
I'm sure even if I go back to him, hypothetically speaking, it won't be the the Steve I loved. There's something new in that she'll now.

No, it will not be.

I tried to change, rearrange, reinvent "me".

I tried to become "what he wanted".

I did become, what he 'said' he wanted... .but it was never enough.

Always changing... .

Think of it like a beautiful vase.

It falls to the floor smashing into 1,000's of pieces.

Yes, you can glue it back together, but it's not the same.

It will never be the same.

Please, get help. You are too important.
Logged
Mr.Downtrodden
***
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 134


« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2015, 09:18:39 AM »

After being on this board for several months, it seems like every other person out there has BPD.

I'm still shell shocked from what transpired in my relationship. almost two years now.  I blame myself for not getting out, as cracks turned into large chips then into giant chunks, all falling from my self esteem and confidence.  I don't think i'll ever be able to approach a woman without being worried about negative consequences.

I've been NC since September, and it is so very hard, but I cannot handle knowing what she is doing, etc. either.  My only saving grace is that I was able to recover my deposit on an engagement ring for her.  I had planned to ask her to marry me. Things were going great at the time, she had been getting therapy, and her words & actions of love were empowering to me. Imagine a two ton safe crashing through each floor of a 20 story building - that is how my heart felt, when she told me that she was pregnant, and by timing, i knew I wasn't the father. Even more of a shock, after trying to tell me that this situation did not have to affect our relationship, and me, trying to wrap my head around everything else, she simply turns off all her feelings in a matter of days, reprimanding and blaming me, because, "it takes two to tango".
Logged
myself
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 3151


« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2015, 12:20:01 PM »

At the time, each time seemed 'out of the blue' until the pattern emerged.

Intimacy was her trigger, real honesty her enemy, and love did not prevail.

I don't want to be held onto by someone who chooses to dump herself.

Logged
Invictus01
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 476


« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2015, 01:03:38 PM »

I think the initial break up is pretty much almost always out of the blue. I think the reason people start looking for answers and come across BPD is because they can't figure out what in the world just happened to them. It is one thing if you treated the other person like crap. But most of the time, from what I have read, at least the first break up comes out of nowhere, because the relationship progressed to the stage where you triggered the fear of abandonment somehow.
Logged
Infared
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2015, 01:22:35 PM »

I think the initial break up is pretty much almost always out of the blue. I think the reason people start looking for answers and come across BPD is because they can't figure out what in the world just happened to them. It is one thing if you treated the other person like crap. But most of the time, from what I have read, at least the first break up comes out of nowhere, because the relationship progressed to the stage where you triggered the fear of abandonment somehow.

Yeah... .this was my experience, too.  There was no weird, crazy or bad behavior until after the announcement that "I am leaving you!"... .out of the blue.  Of course it was out of the blue for me... .not her... .she was already to move in with new supply. She just abruptly turn into someone I did not know.  She was so callus, (we had lived together for 5 years and she did this two weeks before Christmas... .just ran off... left me packing her things and feeding her cats!)... .Was distant, mean and vindictive all in a moment... .Unfortunately, I did not find this site until well after this break up... .but I have/had PTSD from this situation... .and I found this site by accident... .I had been through therapy, group therapy and the subject of BPD never came up... .but after reading up in it and talking to people here everything fell into place regarding her behaviors.  The childhood trauma, the mirroring... .the fear of abandonment and her needing to be attached to someone at all times.  She also "had" to be attached to another man to leave me and then be vindictive and abusive. She could never have left on her own.

... .and when she did... .all-of-a-sudden this ugly person that I had never met just started actively causing me emotional pain... .many times on purpose and vindictively... .My head was spinning ... .I just could not wrap my brain around what was going on. All the lies. All the lies by omission.   She just told lie, after lie, after lie to everyone in her life.  And they all just believed her... .it absolutely destroyed me and my sense of the things I thought that I knew about life. 

I know that there are many others here that  have gone through this trauma and it has really helped me to sort things out by coming here and actually finding out about other people's experiences that were so, so, much like my own.  Sometimes I almost thought that I was imagining what I went thru and that I was the problem or made it up or something... .  WOW... .it was rough!
Logged
ShadowIntheNight
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Other
Posts: 442


« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2015, 03:27:04 PM »

I think the initial break up is pretty much almost always out of the blue. I think the reason people start looking for answers and come across BPD is because they can't figure out what in the world just happened to them. It is one thing if you treated the other person like crap. But most of the time, from what I have read, at least the first break up comes out of nowhere, because the relationship progressed to the stage where you triggered the fear of abandonment somehow.

Yeah... .this was my experience, too.  There was no weird, crazy or bad behavior until after the announcement that "I am leaving you!"... .out of the blue.  Of course it was out of the blue for me... .not her... .she was already to move in with new supply. She just abruptly turn into someone I did not know.  She was so callus, (we had lived together for 5 years and she did this two weeks before Christmas... .just ran off... left me packing her things and feeding her cats!)... .Was distant, mean and vindictive all in a moment... .Unfortunately, I did not find this site until well after this break up... .but I have/had PTSD from this situation... .and I found this site by accident... .I had been through therapy, group therapy and the subject of BPD never came up... .but after reading up in it and talking to people here everything fell into place regarding her behaviors.  The childhood trauma, the mirroring... .the fear of abandonment and her needing to be attached to someone at all times.  She also "had" to be attached to another man to leave me and then be vindictive and abusive. She could never have left on her own.

... .and when she did... .all-of-a-sudden this ugly person that I had never met just started actively causing me emotional pain... .many times on purpose and vindictively... .My head was spinning ... .I just could not wrap my brain around what was going on. All the lies. All the lies by omission.   She just told lie, after lie, after lie to everyone in her life.  And they all just believed her... .it absolutely destroyed me and my sense of the things I thought that I knew about life. 

I know that there are many others here that  have gone through this trauma and it has really helped me to sort things out by coming here and actually finding out about other people's experiences that were so, so, much like my own.  Sometimes I almost thought that I was imagining what I went thru and that I was the problem or made it up or something... .  WOW... .it was rough!

All of this. I have no idea what lies she made up about me, but I am sure she's had to have come up with some whoppers because she talked about me to her friends and family for 10 yrs. I am sure she has shown up with a boyfriend in the last 6 months after not having one (we were in a gay relationship for 9.5 yrs, met her in a lesbian chat room while she was married to her exH. But she's not a lesbian. Right.), and I have just disappeared. I am sure both her mother and kids have noticed I'm just gone after 10 yrs. Dropped off the earth. As I say, there is no telling what lies she has created to cover her ass.

When I even think of all of this the only thing that comes up is none of this makes sense. She didn't say she didn't love me, she didn't say our relationship was awful, she left after 10 yrs because I was a woman. I'm very sure she knew this when she fell in love with me. And she's 46 and a therapist herself. My head explodes even thinking about it. To this day I can not tell you what happened to lead to any of this. I am living in hell. I hope she is too, but I have no way of knowing.
Logged
drummerboy
****
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Parent
Posts: 419



« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2015, 04:14:50 PM »

I think its VERY important to make no contact with them in any form after the b/u. These are sick, very unstable people and there is no telling what they will do if you try to contact them. Think worst case scenario, they have no hesitation in getting police involved by telling the most horrendous lies. Do not contact them, don't mention them on social media, do not talk about them with mutual friends. You have to remove them from your life 100%. I know it's hard but the consequences of trying to contact them can be devastating.

Go figure... .called borderline personality disorder. I have learned a lot in the last 4 1/2 months here. He is very sick and I am very co dependent. Stay N/C. That is all I can tell you... .do not make contact UNLESS you want to get hurt.

 

Logged
mks10

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 37


« Reply #15 on: February 23, 2015, 12:15:49 AM »

I was dumped out of the blue on October 31, 2013 via text from a phone I bought for her on the plan I was paying for. We have never talked since... .only texts. The reason I had to go 100% NC was that she kept texting me for money because she made a long string of terrible financial decisions. I demanded she call me and talk to me personally and she absolutely lost it. Have not heard from her in 6 months=MUCH LESS anxiety.
Logged
JRT
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1809


« Reply #16 on: February 23, 2015, 12:43:43 AM »

I think this is interesting: why are texts acceptable while even the idea of talking evokes rage?
Logged
paperlung
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 448


« Reply #17 on: February 23, 2015, 02:22:34 AM »

She did twice on two separate occasions after we had been dating for 4 months or so. The first one really came out of the blue. I thought everything was going fine. Obviously, she had her problems with depression and anxiety, but I was being a very good, supportive boyfriend to her. She broke up with me over text one evening telling me that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and that the spark was gone. Also that she couldn't relate to me because our lives were too different. I was devastated. She was my first girlfriend and I was confused as hell as to why she was doing this to me. I remember crying on the phone to her and she acted very cold/distant.

Well, next day she calls me up to apologize saying she didn't mean what she said. Told me, "You know what I get like when I'm depressed."

The second time it happened, I just assumed she was acting out the same way again. Turns out, I was right, because the next day we were back together again.
Logged
Infared
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #18 on: February 23, 2015, 04:33:26 AM »

I think this is interesting: why are texts acceptable while even the idea of talking evokes rage?

Its all about control while avoiding an "actual" confrontation. They know that they are in the wrong... and texting is more controlling while also being much more impersonal.
Logged
Infared
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #19 on: February 23, 2015, 04:38:45 AM »

She did twice on two separate occasions after we had been dating for 4 months or so. The first one really came out of the blue. I thought everything was going fine. Obviously, she had her problems with depression and anxiety, but I was being a very good, supportive boyfriend to her. She broke up with me over text one evening telling me that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and that the spark was gone. Also that she couldn't relate to me because our lives were too different. I was devastated. She was my first girlfriend and I was confused as hell as to why she was doing this to me. I remember crying on the phone to her and she acted very cold/distant.

Well, next day she calls me up to apologize saying she didn't mean what she said. Told me, "You know what I get like when I'm depressed."

The second time it happened, I just assumed she was acting out the same way again. Turns out, I was right, because the next day we were back together again.

Paperlung... .I am so sorry that you have had to endure this torture at the hands of someone who is quite simply mentally ill.

If I can give any forgiveness at all for the way I was treated it is only when I clearly see that this person was just not wrapped tight and unfortunately their condition is the reason for all of the terrible, mean, dishonest, cruel things that they did to me regarding our relationship.

That's on a good day. On a bad day... .I just hate her. They are just soo cold when they decide to detach. Its ugly.
Logged
still_in_shock
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 105


« Reply #20 on: February 23, 2015, 07:17:48 AM »

God, This is almost identical to how I was describing my undiagnosed spouse to my friends. And now imagine, I was dumped by my own husband out of a blue after 2 yrs that we've been together and 1.5 yr of marriage.

I'm as shocked and devastated. What hurts most is the memories of his previously good side, which I was getting less and less of the longer we've been together.

I'm very sorry abt it. But it's good it happened now, than  after you got married. Because based on what I've been learning about their case, this happens in majority of cases. They discard of people who love them dearly just to get back at them for things partners said or done they didn't like
Logged
JRT
********
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 1809


« Reply #21 on: February 23, 2015, 08:52:32 AM »

I think this is interesting: why are texts acceptable while even the idea of talking evokes rage?

Its all about control while avoiding an "actual" confrontation. They know that they are in the wrong... and texting is more controlling while also being much more impersonal.

It seems that the reaction was more emotional to a conversation, not rational enough to make an orderly distinction.

Mine refuses any contact and a call to her on xmas was returned by the local cops! Its wild; her reaction is akin to someone that one would imagine was the victim of sustained and extreme violence yet there was none of that ever. Matter of fact, we didn't so much as argue... .ever. I wonder if the pain is THAT extreme.
Logged
paperlung
****
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Posts: 448


« Reply #22 on: February 23, 2015, 10:14:05 AM »

She did twice on two separate occasions after we had been dating for 4 months or so. The first one really came out of the blue. I thought everything was going fine. Obviously, she had her problems with depression and anxiety, but I was being a very good, supportive boyfriend to her. She broke up with me over text one evening telling me that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and that the spark was gone. Also that she couldn't relate to me because our lives were too different. I was devastated. She was my first girlfriend and I was confused as hell as to why she was doing this to me. I remember crying on the phone to her and she acted very cold/distant.

Well, next day she calls me up to apologize saying she didn't mean what she said. Told me, "You know what I get like when I'm depressed."

The second time it happened, I just assumed she was acting out the same way again. Turns out, I was right, because the next day we were back together again.

Paperlung... .I am so sorry that you have had to endure this torture at the hands of someone who is quite simply mentally ill.

If I can give any forgiveness at all for the way I was treated it is only when I clearly see that this person was just not wrapped tight and unfortunately their condition is the reason for all of the terrible, mean, dishonest, cruel things that they did to me regarding our relationship.

That's on a good day. On a bad day... .I just hate her. They are just soo cold when they decide to detach. Its ugly.

Thanks, Infared. Her push/pull behavior really messed with me. Especially once the triangulation started, oh man. But as you know, I recently allowed her back into my life for a little while just to be emotionally tortured some more. She didn't do anything intentionally to hurt me, just a lot of false hope fed to me.

It baffles me how some members here had been with their partners for so long (3+ years). All of my ex's relationships have lasted less than two years. I remember her evening telling me early on into our relationship something like, "I don't know what it is. I can't seem to hit that 2 year mark for whatever reason." I foolishly thought that maybe we could do it, but she did everything in her power to sabotage the relationship.
Logged
Infared
********
Offline Offline

Gender: Male
What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 1763


« Reply #23 on: February 23, 2015, 10:30:55 AM »

She did twice on two separate occasions after we had been dating for 4 months or so. The first one really came out of the blue. I thought everything was going fine. Obviously, she had her problems with depression and anxiety, but I was being a very good, supportive boyfriend to her. She broke up with me over text one evening telling me that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and that the spark was gone. Also that she couldn't relate to me because our lives were too different. I was devastated. She was my first girlfriend and I was confused as hell as to why she was doing this to me. I remember crying on the phone to her and she acted very cold/distant.

Well, next day she calls me up to apologize saying she didn't mean what she said. Told me, "You know what I get like when I'm depressed."

The second time it happened, I just assumed she was acting out the same way again. Turns out, I was right, because the next day we were back together again.

Paperlung... .I am so sorry that you have had to endure this torture at the hands of someone who is quite simply mentally ill.

If I can give any forgiveness at all for the way I was treated it is only when I clearly see that this person was just not wrapped tight and unfortunately their condition is the reason for all of the terrible, mean, dishonest, cruel things that they did to me regarding our relationship.

That's on a good day. On a bad day... .I just hate her. They are just soo cold when they decide to detach. Its ugly.

Thanks, Infared. Her push/pull behavior really messed with me. Especially once the triangulation started, oh man. But as you know, I recently allowed her back into my life for a little while just to be emotionally tortured some more. She didn't do anything intentionally to hurt me, just a lot of false hope fed to me.

It baffles me how some members here had been with their partners for so long (3+ years). All of my ex's relationships have lasted less than two years. I remember her evening telling me early on into our relationship something like, "I don't know what it is. I can't seem to hit that 2 year mark for whatever reason." I foolishly thought that maybe we could do it, but she did everything in her power to sabotage the relationship.

They hurt us and cause soo much damage, but their pull remains so strong for us to go back.  It's quit twisted. I would never interact with mine again in any way... .as she just hurts me... .but I do miss her everyday. I would not wish this dichotomy on any one!
Logged
Keysmiami

*
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Romantic partner
Posts: 45


« Reply #24 on: February 23, 2015, 03:35:05 PM »

Same here it's brutal
Logged
Arminius
***
Offline Offline

What is your sexual orientation: Straight
Who in your life has "personality" issues: Ex-romantic partner
Posts: 233


« Reply #25 on: February 23, 2015, 06:44:29 PM »

She did twice on two separate occasions after we had been dating for 4 months or so. The first one really came out of the blue. I thought everything was going fine. Obviously, she had her problems with depression and anxiety, but I was being a very good, supportive boyfriend to her. She broke up with me over text one evening telling me that she didn't have feelings for me anymore and that the spark was gone. Also that she couldn't relate to me because our lives were too different. I was devastated. She was my first girlfriend and I was confused as hell as to why she was doing this to me. I remember crying on the phone to her and she acted very cold/distant.

Well, next day she calls me up to apologize saying she didn't mean what she said. Told me, "You know what I get like when I'm depressed."

The second time it happened, I just assumed she was acting out the same way again. Turns out, I was right, because the next day we were back together again.

Paperlung... .I am so sorry that you have had to endure this torture at the hands of someone who is quite simply mentally ill.

If I can give any forgiveness at all for the way I was treated it is only when I clearly see that this person was just not wrapped tight and unfortunately their condition is the reason for all of the terrible, mean, dishonest, cruel things that they did to me regarding our relationship.

That's on a good day. On a bad day... .I just hate her. They are just soo cold when they decide to detach. Its ugly.

Thanks, Infared. Her push/pull behavior really messed with me. Especially once the triangulation started, oh man. But as you know, I recently allowed her back into my life for a little while just to be emotionally tortured some more. She didn't do anything intentionally to hurt me, just a lot of false hope fed to me.

It baffles me how some members here had been with their partners for so long (3+ years). All of my ex's relationships have lasted less than two years. I remember her evening telling me early on into our relationship something like, "I don't know what it is. I can't seem to hit that 2 year mark for whatever reason." I foolishly thought that maybe we could do it, but she did everything in her power to sabotage the relationship.

My crazy did 3x 6 year relationships. That was her pattern. Who knows why... .
Logged
Can You Help Us Stay on the Air in 2021?

Pages: [1]   Go Up
  Print  
 
Jump to:  

Our 2021 Financial Sponsors
We are all appreciative of the members who provide the funding to keep BPDFamily on the air.
12years
alterK
Andi1956
Anondad
Cnvi
doghouse
drained1996
EyesUp
Harri
JD2028
lovenature
Mac5
Methuen
Mommydoc
Mutt
old97
P.F.Change
Skip
snowglobe
Swimmy55
Teno
Turkish
wendydarling

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2006-2020, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!