Dating website

[Seriously?]

My husband and I have been talking for the past two weeks. The very first day, I showed him his dating profile on POF. He said he would take it down, but it's still there. Should I mention it to him again or just look every so often to see if it is still there? It bothers me A LOT that he has not taken it down. He is saying with his lips that he is committed to our relationship and has agreed to counseling; however,  if that is true, why is such a small request being ignored?  I have thought maybe he put it out of his mind, but he had made a change to his profile last week. I was referred to a counselor but have not yet been able to schedule an appointment. 

[icom]

Ah yes, the horrors of the persistent PoF dating profile, and the litany of excuses for why it wasn't removed. 

Allow me to be frank:

PoF >> You

In my time, I practically had to wrest this foible from with a hydraulic jack, and even at that, the effects were short lived: she simply moved over to Match after a discrete interval had passed.

In my instance, stumbling upon the rogue dating profile was simply the price I would eventually have to bear to remain with her, as being a perpetual dating website sentinel was too exhausting. This was back in my "Radical Acceptance" phase which was the equivalent of attempting to inflate a zeppelin by the lungful while she was at the other end letting all of the air back out again. 

Boundaries and consequences.  In the end, I told her that if I ever found her on a dating website again that it would mean the immediate dissolution of our relationship. 

I found her on another dating website.

I wish you all the best, my friend, but successfully dealing with many of these BPD characteristics is like trying to drain Lake Eerie by the spoonful.     

[Mutt]

That's insensitive ignoring your request; then changing a setting. I'm sorry. It begs to question his commitment? I'd set a boundary and tell him again if the profile isn't taken down; your not going to make the appointment for counselling. Say it kindly and firm.

[Zen80]

Dating websites and similar seem to be very addicitive to pwBPD - receiving messages and winks and so on really plays into their need to be wanted/desired.  I imagine it is extremely hard for them to let it go once they've started receiving this type of validation. It doesn't necessarily mean they are actually using it to physically cheat on you though (although I'm sure many do).

You have set the boundary on it though, so it's up to you to decide what to do since it isn't being respected.

[Seriously?]

He took it down last night. This morning he started a huge argument and said he wouldn't go to our scheduled counseling appointment on Monday after all. This evening he acted like this morning never happened or at least not how I remember it. Everything is so sad and confusing.

[JohnLove]

This was back in my "Radical Acceptance" phase which was the equivalent of attempting to inflate a zeppelin by the lungful while she was at the other end letting all of the air back out.

I wish you all the best, my friend, but successfully dealing with many of these BPD characteristics is like trying to drain Lake Eerie by the spoonful.     

Oh those analogies.  It just shows that these relationships AREN'T impossible.

You just have to keep trying really really really really really really HARD. 

[Targeted]

This was back in my "Radical Acceptance" phase which was the equivalent of attempting to inflate a zeppelin by the lungful while she was at the other end letting all of the air back out.

I wish you all the best, my friend, but successfully dealing with many of these BPD characteristics is like trying to drain Lake Eerie by the spoonful.     

Oh those analogies.  It just shows that these relationships AREN'T impossible.

You just have to keep trying really really really really really really HARD. 

you are so right John, these relationships are not impossible! You could always bring a laptop with you which would keep them occupied on the dating site and keep them away from the other end of the zepplin or just grab a bigger spoon and with hope and faith you could pray it does not rain. 

[BorisAcusio]

Ah yes, the horrors of the persistent PoF dating profile, and the litany of excuses for why it wasn't removed.  

Allow me to be frank:

PoF >> You

Wow, that made me remember the blatant lie she told me about why was registered on dating sites, you wouldn't guess it, to make friends. Of course, ones of her newly made "friend" quickly turned out to be a lover and a source of supply when we had fights.

She was still registered a year later, stating the she can not delete herself, and I'm control freak to make demands about it.

[Targeted]

My ex also tried to justify being on dating sites because I have not yet put a ring on her finger, She had no capability to understand the concept that one of the major reasons she is without a ring is because she keeps going on dating sites while in the relationship.