Thoughts on NC

[lovenature]

I have been about 6 weeks NC with my exBPDgf who lives right across the street, walking and driving up/down the street with my head turned to not even see her place is a daily practice, along with changing or planning on doing things to try not to have any contact with her period.

Has this type of "out of site out of mind" approach worked well for maintaining NC and recovering, or has anyone found that it is better to just accept that they will hear and see their ex. at some point, and not try to avoid it?

Thanks for all of the support!

[Madison66]

lovenature,

I'm fourteen months out of a 3+ year r/s with uBPD/NPD ex gf.  I'm sorry you are having to deal with NC while living across the street from your ex gf.  I had a similar situation where I owned a house and my ex gf and her young kids lived across the street and four houses up (rental home).  She stayed there about 5.5 months after the b/u and it was extremely difficult to maintain NC.  The saving grace for me was that it was during the rainy winter and spring months, so I didn't have to worry about too much interaction or chance run-ins. 

While this is a difficult situation, it is up to you how you handle it.  I can only relate that after the 3 years of intense roller coaster emotional r/s, I was truly done and was feeling strong in my drive to refocus on my life and rid myself of the chaos.  It was difficult to deal with, but I made the decision to walk my dog the other direction down the street and to come and go from a different route.  Yes, I was avoiding contact while I was doing T and doing what I needed to recover from the abusive r/s.  I also couldn't help but notice the string of cars and men at her place almost immediately after the b/u.  I used that to further motivate me to focus inward and to reinforce that I made the right decision to finally leave the r/s for good.  My ex gf finally moved out of the area before the summer and that was great for my final detachment. 

So, this is a difficult situation and it is really up to you if you can find the space and peace you need to recover and detach.  Be good to yourself and make the process about you and not her.  That is what helped me deal with living so close to my ex gf after the b/u.  If it is just too much for you, then you will know what to do (move, restrict driving past her home, etc.).  I really wish you the best of luck!