BPD and sense of humor?

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Looking back... .I can be very sarcastic with my humor. Whenever I said something sarcastic towards here she got highly offended and quiet. My tone was never serious and I always had a smile when saying such things. But that sarcasm... .got me in a hole that took a LONG time to dig myself out of. I eventually restrained myself after learning she couldn't interpret it as joking. It baffled me at the time... .but now I understand why.

BPD or not, a lot of people really don't like sarcasm.  Personally, I consider it not humor, but a way to passive-aggressively insult someone while hiding your contempt and lack of regard for them under a thin cloak of plausible deniability, should you be called out on it.  I have a BPD ex-friend that used to carry on like that a lot, and it is one of the many reasons why I dropped her.  I grew up in a home with a BPD mother and have already had all the hostility, devaluation, gaslighting, and drama I care to take for one lifetime.  Personally directed sarcasm isn't even remotely funny imo.

[Lunira]

Looking back... .I can be very sarcastic with my humor. Whenever I said something sarcastic towards here she got highly offended and quiet. My tone was never serious and I always had a smile when saying such things. But that sarcasm... .got me in a hole that took a LONG time to dig myself out of. I eventually restrained myself after learning she couldn't interpret it as joking. It baffled me at the time... .but now I understand why.

BPD or not, a lot of people really don't like sarcasm.  Personally, I consider it not humor, but a way to passive-aggressively insult someone while hiding your contempt and lack of regard for them under a thin cloak of plausible deniability, should you be called out on it.  I have a BPD ex-friend that used to carry on like that a lot, and it is one of the many reasons why I dropped her.  I grew up in a home with a BPD mother and have already had all the hostility, devaluation, gaslighting, and drama I care to take for one lifetime.  Personally directed sarcasm isn't even remotely funny imo.

[Sadly]

I like what you wrote Marti664
My guy was very very funny and he thought I was too. We laughed together so much. That laughter was genuine. one day when we were on holiday and talking and laughing so much a complete stranger stopped and said " thank you for your happiness and laughter, you have made my day"
It breaks my heart to remember.
I don't laugh much anymore right now.
Love from
Sadly x

[marti644]

I like what you wrote Marti664
My guy was very very funny and he thought I was too. We laughed together so much. That laughter was genuine. one day when we were on holiday and talking and laughing so much a complete stranger stopped and said " thank you for your happiness and laughter, you have made my day"
It breaks my heart to remember.
I don't laugh much anymore right now.
Love from
Sadly x

I am sorry to hear your in pain Sadly. We are all here for you. What are you doing to dull the pain? It's very easy for us to dismiss our BPD ex's behaviours as all part of a manipulative plan. But the hard truth to swallow I think is that they were trying to the best of their ability. Sadly this isn't enough to have a stable healthy relationship, something people with BPD will likely never have. Which is why we need to stay away and find greener pastures. I am trying to separate the good from the bad, and take the things I liked about my ex to my next relationship. There were pros in these relationship, and I am choosing not to bury them. I don't want to turn into someone with BPD, living in perpetual despair.

[SoMadSoSad]

I don't think humour has anything to do with BPD. My ex was hilarious, she made me laugh alot. BPDs aren't cooking cutter. They are people too, with their own other traits. They aren't the sum of their illness, we should remember that. They are just disordered. There are real attributes to all of them, otherwise they wouldn't be able to function as well as they do, correct?

If we paint them black how are we any different then them?

Yea but BPDs are hyper sensitive. When i first met my ex I was able to joke around with her and poke fun at her humorously but as time went by and we got closer she starting taking it serious and getting angry.

[cubicinch]

tricky question I think, and as shown, different responses; they still have a personality even if it is not quite normal, whatever that is... and to the level of depression they may be experiencing... mine had quite a dark sense of humour, she was intelligent and fairly quick minded, but generally it was directed at making fun of me, and putting me down a lot of the times. I have to add that she was taking prozac to treat the depression though, so that brought out the sense of humour, often just giggling to herself over some quite strange thoughts.

Always one sided though, my jokes or behaviour was seldom amusing unless she could belittle me. Her favourite films were always better than my rubbish. That sort of thing. She also couldn't seem to be able to pick up on subtle body language that I'd use, as if she was too wrapped up in her own thoughts to notice.

She wouldn't watch or laugh at very much on TV. Tended to watch horror movies or anything that had a plot to follow. She did like Will Ferrell who I find very hit n miss.

[MiserableMostly]

My BPDex was the only gf I ever had that genuinely made me laugh out loud. When things were good we had so much fun together. It makes me so sad to think that someone would throw that away. We would joke around and laugh together all the time. I'm afraid I'll never get that again. I hope I do.

[AustenJ]

We are different from them, thank God! And I have no problem painting her black after what she put me through.

Good thing she has a great sense of humor to fall back on!

[cubicinch]

just to add, my ex sense of humour was quite sarcastic. She said to me early on that a previous ex was guilty of having no sense of humour... .I think I see why now! There was a few things she relayed back to me about what he had said at the time of break up about her, I should have taken more note.

[wfsgraplw]

I also can't remember mine being particularly funny. Sure, we'd have good times and laugh together, but that was mainly watching comedy on tv or something. I'm struggling to remember a single time when she actually had me rolling up in laughter with something she said or did. Usually it would be her laughing at something I said or did, and me keeping on adding to it until we were both rolling up.

A few odd things though. I do remember sometimes when she would tell me an anecdote or something, be laughing her head off over it, and it just wasn't funny. At all. One that sticks in my head in particular is, She was walking with her mum and her sister. Her sister got stuck at some traffic lights, and ran to catch up to them. Her mother saw that, and whispered to her 'oh look, a white pig.'
She was in fits when she told me that. And I just, that's horrible. That's not funny. At all. That's her sister. And her mother saying that about her. Not even remotely funny.

And she had a very, very hard time dealing with sarcasm. It might just be cultural differences since I'm British and she was a Jap (I'm allowed to say that, I'm a minority haha). But sarcasm is integral to my humour, and she just couldn't get it. She said it made her think I hated her.
One particular episode that sticks in my head, we were walking home, just shooting the sh%t, talking about what to do for dinner. She said 'shall I make something', and I said, 'nahhh I wouldn't bother, your cooking is  haha.' And she just, lost it. Nearly broke up over it. Like, I couldn't comprehend how she couldn't understand that there is no way in hell I would say something like that and actually mean it. Actually be that cruel. Especially from the context. It's the kind of thing that you'd normally respond with 'ohhh you bell-end' and give a fake punch or something over. There's no way in hell you'd take it seriously. Explaining humour is pointless, but that is funny precisely because it's so out of character and so ridiculous, the thought that all the times I'd complemented her on her cooking were lies. I dunno. I could have been wrong, could have been a d%ck move, who knows.
Just my two cents.