Ouch, Facebook pictures taken down

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So... .little pang of heartbreak. he took our pictures off facebook (but he kept the ones of his other exgf). but its mutual, i took mine off facebook too. just hurts. I don't want to block him, but i might have to for my own sanity. Just all frickin hurts.  :'( :'( :'(

but- someday someone will be proud to put my picture on facebook. proud to declare me his to all his family and friends. I never got that from my BPD.

[cloudten]

So... .little pang of heartbreak. he took our pictures off facebook (but he kept the ones of his other exgf). but its mutual, i took mine off facebook too. just hurts. I don't want to block him, but i might have to for my own sanity. Just all frickin hurts.  :'( :'( :'(

but- someday someone will be proud to put my picture on facebook. proud to declare me his to all his family and friends. I never got that from my BPD.

[Mr.Downtrodden]

Do yourself a huge favor - do not log onto Facebook.  i haven't logged on, or looked since September.  i'm still bitter about the crap I went thru, but it would be worse with social media. One aspect that was quite telling to me - none of my Facebook friends ever tried to contact me to see what transpired as to why I wasn't on anymore.

[cloudten]

yeah I know. I went on to message a family friend about possibly taking a trip to see her in hawaii (nice getaway I really need). I had last left it up on his wall the last time i was on... .and i noticed our pics were gone. I guess it could have been worse- and it could have been another girl.

but you're right... .i should stay off.

[downwhim]

As I have said before FB is not something you should be on during this b/u. Stay off it is a trigger. It is a way for the ex to exploit his lasted replacement and it is painful. STAY OFF.

[thatwasthat]

In retrospect Facebook was nothing but soul cancer for me. Here's what I did, and it was incredibly helpful.

I deleted my account and stayed off of Facebook for two months.

It helped me tremendously. When I felt stable again I made a new account, blocked her and all associated people from the get go and added only people that I have steady contact with (20 or so closer friends.)

I think that is actually the only way this should be used to begin with. I often see recommendations for friends, people that I actually know. But I don't add them. Not because I have any negative feeling towards them, but just because I wouldn't be in actual contact with them anyways. It has become something I use to stay in touch with close friends and not a collection of people I barely know.

And yes. There now is someone that proudly shares photos of us together.

She's barely on Facebook I might add. In contrast to my ex who was an expert on everything that was going on on fb.

Funny thing is... . My BPD ex never did that. And when she did... .They weren't ever actual photos of us clearly as a couple. And when she posted something with us in it it always gave me a weird feeling, even when "everything was fine." I probably already had a subconscious feeling for what would come... .But that is another story.

[thatwasthat]

Just to reiterate in a concise manner since I digressed... .

STAY OFF OF FACEBOOKSOULCANCER

It will only make you suffer and inhibit healing. Deleting mine made my anxiety spike for an hour or two... .  Then I felt so much better and free.

As a matter of fact I only reactivated because I live on a different continent as my close friends.

Other than that... .FB is nothing but Crack for people like our ex's. Let them od on it and stay off it.

[cloudten]

In retrospect Facebook was nothing but soul cancer for me. Here's what I did, and it was incredibly helpful.

I deleted my account and stayed off of Facebook for two months.

It helped me tremendously. When I felt stable again I made a new account, blocked her and all associated people from the get go and added only people that I have steady contact with (20 or so closer friends.)

I think that is actually the only way this should be used to begin with. I often see recommendations for friends, people that I actually know. But I don't add them. Not because I have any negative feeling towards them, but just because I wouldn't be in actual contact with them anyways. It has become something I use to stay in touch with close friends and not a collection of people I barely know.

And yes. There now is someone that proudly shares photos of us together.

She's barely on Facebook I might add. In contrast to my ex who was an expert on everything that was going on on fb.

Funny thing is... . My BPD ex never did that. And when she did... .They weren't ever actual photos of us clearly as a couple. And when she posted something with us in it it always gave me a weird feeling, even when "everything was fine." I probably already had a subconscious feeling for what would come... .But that is another story.

Oh I LOVE this idea! I'd lose 500 friends that aren't really friends. But it would be great to clean house. Also- the break would be good. I really just want it for family anyway... .to share photos and such.  Your BPDx sounds much like mine with facebook behavior. I do believe that weird feeling we have, even when everything is fine, should never be ignored. But I had that feeling in just about every aspect. I didn't introduce him to friends, family, and coworkers. I didn't add him to the emergency list so he could pick my daughter up from school. Shoot- i didn't even give him a key to my house! I knew subconsciously what would be coming. Unfortunately I gave him the key to my heart. Time to change the lock!

Hahahahaha... .okay. I will stay off facebook! I still want to go to Hawaii.

[thatwasthat]

In retrospect Facebook was nothing but soul cancer for me. Here's what I did, and it was incredibly helpful.

I deleted my account and stayed off of Facebook for two months.

It helped me tremendously. When I felt stable again I made a new account, blocked her and all associated people from the get go and added only people that I have steady contact with (20 or so closer friends.)

I think that is actually the only way this should be used to begin with. I often see recommendations for friends, people that I actually know. But I don't add them. Not because I have any negative feeling towards them, but just because I wouldn't be in actual contact with them anyways. It has become something I use to stay in touch with close friends and not a collection of people I barely know.

And yes. There now is someone that proudly shares photos of us together.

She's barely on Facebook I might add. In contrast to my ex who was an expert on everything that was going on on fb.

Funny thing is... . My BPD ex never did that. And when she did... .They weren't ever actual photos of us clearly as a couple. And when she posted something with us in it it always gave me a weird feeling, even when "everything was fine." I probably already had a subconscious feeling for what would come... .But that is another story.

Oh I LOVE this idea! I'd lose 500 friends that aren't really friends. But it would be great to clean house. Also- the break would be good. I really just want it for family anyway... .to share photos and such.  Your BPDx sounds much like mine with facebook behavior. I do believe that weird feeling we have, even when everything is fine, should never be ignored. But I had that feeling in just about every aspect. I didn't introduce him to friends, family, and coworkers. I didn't add him to the emergency list so he could pick my daughter up from school. Shoot- i didn't even give him a key to my house! I knew subconsciously what would be coming. Unfortunately I gave him the key to my heart. Time to change the lock!

Hahahahaha... .okay. I will stay off facebook! I still want to go to Hawaii.

Just to add... .

Cleaning house in your account won't cut it.

Just too many connections etc. to stay on top of.

Delete the account. Stay off for a while, it might feel weird for two days... .Lol. But then you'll wonder why people even use it.

Then new account if you feel like it. Have that one on lockdown.

[thatwasthat]

Oh. And I'm really on a roll tonight.

What just got brought up might be worth its own thread.

I ALWAYS had this nagging subconscious feeling. I could never put my finger on it.

But you added something that is so true. I always felt weird introducing her, or felt somehow uncomfortable when she introduced me. As if I didn't want to be associated with her. Although she had her ___ together (at least on the outside.)

Very weird feeling. I think I knew better than myself. 

[cloudten]

Oh. And I'm really on a roll tonight.

What just got brought up might be worth its own thread.

I ALWAYS had this nagging subconscious feeling. I could never put my finger on it.

But you added something that is so true. I always felt weird introducing her, or felt somehow uncomfortable when she introduced me. As if I didn't want to be associated with her. Although she had her together (at least on the outside.)

Very weird feeling. I think I knew better than myself. 

It probably is worth a new thread- but my BPDx even said it to me. He knew I wasn't bringing him around people. He made it a huge issue. Bringing him around my coworkers last weekend was my 3rd real attempt at overcoming the nagging subconscious (really conscious for me at this point) feeling that I wasn't comfortable bringing him into my life. I forced myself to do it and it culminated in the demise of the relationship! It was the worst night of my life. For a long time I just thought it was my own baggage. I had been divorced and wasn't really ready to start introducing someone new to my parents (who weren't ready to see me with anyone new). But I think it was actually my subconscious saying "This dude is messed up! Don't do this!"

Sidenote: He told me that his gf between our recycles had "all these friends" that she wouldn't introduce him to, and that he only met her family twice in a year and only one of her friends. My gut on this is that there is something to this.

[RedDove]

CloudTen, as far as Facebook, my advice and what worked for me was to block him. Go into your privacy settings and under Who Can Contact Me. Type in his name, click block and then hit accept. It's the best thing you can do for yourself!

In the beginning my exBPDbf immediately sent me a Facebook Friend request. He found me on Facebook. We grew up in the same small town, went to the same high school 30 years ago, AND he even dated my older sister briefly back in HS.

He did not post things about us or any pics ofmus on his Facebook. I only have a handful of pics of the two of us over the course of 4 years! He "always" wanted me to take "his" photo! When I posted on my wall he would comment with loving comments. His best friends girlfriend became my friend on FB. She would comment on his comments with "LMAO" a lot! Or, "Wow, didn't think you had it in you (blank name)!" Rubbed me the wrong way and like you, made me feel uneasy.

One time I wrote a loving post on his FB wall. It was an image of a heart and of course an "I love you". Within a few hours the post was gone! I thought I did something wrong cause I was new to FB. I called him that night and he didn't answer, I tried texting and no answer. When I finally spoke to him a few days later I asked if he saw my post on his wall and what happened? His response... .wait for it... .someone hacked his account and deleted a "bunch" of posts! Yeah, right! I posted 2 photo's of us that summer and tagged him. Next thing I knew he removed the tags and the photo's from his FB page. All sorts of shady behavior!

When he recently contacted me on the dating site, I unblocked him on FB for a day. The woman I caught him cheating with last June was still on his friends list. I then looked at his wall, but it's private, so all I could see is three selfies (he's a big time narcissit, always taking selfies!). There was also a post I made on his wall back in 2010 that wasn't romantic, just flirty.

So then I looked at "Recent Friends" and guess what I found? Yet another woman he cheated on me with dating back to 2012! She's an amateur photographer. She still has photo's of the two of them on her wall daring back to Oct 2012 thru April 2013. There was even a photo of the two of them on her 2012 Dec "family" Christmas photo card! Me and my ex BPDbf had our one and only fight (him=rage) mid Aug 2012. Based on her FB wall they got together the 1st week of Sept. Gee, I guess my exBPDbf cheated on me back then and I didn't even know it! Wow! Crazy stuff!

Bottom line and lesson learned, stay away from FB. Take your account down or block him and any acquaintances. It won't help with your healing, it will only hinder and cause more hurt and pain.

[Deeno02]

Oh. And I'm really on a roll tonight.

What just got brought up might be worth its own thread.

I ALWAYS had this nagging subconscious feeling. I could never put my finger on it.

But you added something that is so true. I always felt weird introducing her, or felt somehow uncomfortable when she introduced me. As if I didn't want to be associated with her. Although she had her together (at least on the outside.)

Very weird feeling. I think I knew better than myself. 

It probably is worth a new thread- but my BPDx even said it to me. He knew I wasn't bringing him around people. He made it a huge issue. Bringing him around my coworkers last weekend was my 3rd real attempt at overcoming the nagging subconscious (really conscious for me at this point) feeling that I wasn't comfortable bringing him into my life. I forced myself to do it and it culminated in the demise of the relationship! It was the worst night of my life. For a long time I just thought it was my own baggage. I had been divorced and wasn't really ready to start introducing someone new to my parents (who weren't ready to see me with anyone new). But I think it was actually my subconscious saying "This dude is messed up! Don't do this!"

Sidenote: He told me that his gf between our recycles had "all these friends" that she wouldn't introduce him to, and that he only met her family twice in a year and only one of her friends. My gut on this is that there is something to this.

In 16 months I met her friends 4 times. Never did couples things with them, never updated her FB status to in a r/s, only 3 pictures of us, had a hard time calling me her boyfriend. I think she was embarassed of me. I totally filled her needs status post separation/divorce until she could lock on to someone else(a week after dumping me). I was proud to have her, her? Not so much... .