realization: when I was devalued

[raisins3142]

I mentioned here before that my uBPDexgf withdrew quickly.  A lot of stuff happened right around that time.  I just looked over some past emails and her withdraw coincided with me going on a day long interview 10 hours away, not knowing if I'd take the position, being offered the position, and turning it down.  It seems she thought there was a chance I'd be moving away soon and so she withdrew hard and devalued me to protect herself.  She blamed it on stress related to a career linked test she had to take.  Then after the test was over and she passed, she blamed it on her brother that lives around the world having relationship problems and her dad needing a routine/non life threatening surgery.

I can't believe I didn't see the connection until now.  She likely withdrew to protect herself because she thought I might move far away.  Probably a combo though.  I don't think she even knows.  She probably still thinks it was about her dad's hip surgery which is doubtful to cause you to ignore your SO and act horrible to others.

[Turkish]

pwBPD trigger on abandonment, real or imagined. It's one of the distorted thought processes from which they suffer.

[JRT]

I mentioned here before that my uBPDexgf withdrew quickly.  A lot of stuff happened right around that time.  I just looked over some past emails and her withdraw coincided with me going on a day long interview 10 hours away, not knowing if I'd take the position, being offered the position, and turning it down.  It seems she thought there was a chance I'd be moving away soon and so she withdrew hard and devalued me to protect herself.  She blamed it on stress related to a career linked test she had to take.  Then after the test was over and she passed, she blamed it on her brother that lives around the world having relationship problems and her dad needing a routine/non life threatening surgery.

I can't believe I didn't see the connection until now.  She likely withdrew to protect herself because she thought I might move far away.  Probably a combo though.  I don't think she even knows.  She probably still thinks it was about her dad's hip surgery which is doubtful to cause you to ignore your SO and act horrible to others.

Definitely a trigger! Mine did the same thing:

although I went out of town on business before, she had just moved into my house and her son just moved into his dads house - it was the first time in 18 years that she was completely alone and vulnerable.  All was normal the night before... .the next day, I received a text in the afternoon that said 'our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .don't try to contact me'... .I have never spoken with her since but it is clear what had prompted the devaluation and b/u... .all over a matter of hours it appears.

[NYMike]

I mentioned here before that my uBPDexgf withdrew quickly.  A lot of stuff happened right around that time.  I just looked over some past emails and her withdraw coincided with me going on a day long interview 10 hours away, not knowing if I'd take the position, being offered the position, and turning it down.  It seems she thought there was a chance I'd be moving away soon and so she withdrew hard and devalued me to protect herself.  She blamed it on stress related to a career linked test she had to take.  Then after the test was over and she passed, she blamed it on her brother that lives around the world having relationship problems and her dad needing a routine/non life threatening surgery.

I can't believe I didn't see the connection until now.  She likely withdrew to protect herself because she thought I might move far away.  Probably a combo though.  I don't think she even knows.  She probably still thinks it was about her dad's hip surgery which is doubtful to cause you to ignore your SO and act horrible to others.

Definitely a trigger! Mine did the same thing:

although I went out of town on business before, she had just moved into my house and her son just moved into his dads house - it was the first time in 18 years that she was completely alone and vulnerable.  All was normal the night before... .the next day, I received a text in the afternoon that said 'our relationship is over... .I have moved out... .don't try to contact me'... .I have never spoken with her since but it is clear what had prompted the devaluation and b/u... .all over a matter of hours it appears.

That is what happened to me.Out of town on business and all seemed well.Made passionate love the night before and she stated how much she is in love.

Then I came home and she was gone.Texted me at 3 A.M. and said BYE... .What the heck.?

[JRT]

no kidding! WOW! Yeah, mine was love bombing me the last few days... .we were talking about plans... .having parties at the house, the wedding, etc. with not so much as a quiver in her voice... .we worked on some outdoor projects the weekend before... .outside of a suspicious incident, there was nothing that tipped me off... .I mean, she gets the frigging Oscar if she was even thinking about it!