Think I found closure after two years... hope so, anyway

[lipstick]

Hi Family,

I've been on this site for over two years now. Ever since I was dumped by exBPDbf two days before my birthday. In October of 2012. We had been living together for a little over two months. I had given up a seventeen year marriage and pretty much my whole life / security because I believed in this man. I totally bought into the fantasy despite the      !

I don't think I would have made it through if not for BPD Family!  The advice and stories of others' experiences really helped me to understand what happened.

My ex went back to his spouse after he dumped me. I won't go into details - but I was not supposed to be the "other woman" or an affair. More lies. Anyway - that is where he's been ever since. And I've been searching for closure ever since! I was looking for proof that it wasn't my fault. That he wouldn't be better for her. I also couldn't understand why he would go back to someone who was physically abusive. I now know that they are both disordered and feed off of each other's illness. Also alcoholics.

I've asked the question on here many times about "is he truly happy and content?". Is what he posts on Facebook the truth? So many great answers and advice from all of you! It has kept me calm and also kept me from trying to contact him on many occasions! My ex seems to have a great life. He lives in a beautiful beach community, has a huge family (on his spouse's side thru her first husband), knows lots and lots of people. Life seems awesome for him and I admit feeling jealous / bitter on more than one occasion!

However - I got some news today from a mutual friend. The ex has lost yet another job. This makes five total in a little less than three years. I'm not proud to admit that I felt a small twinge of satisfaction in hearing this. Yet, I think this is the closure that I've been searching for. When I came back into his life after 27 years - he had a fabulous job as the Executive Chef of the most popular restaurant on his little island. He lost that job in May of 2012. The next position lasted four months, then he was let go due to finances. That is what triggered him to discard me and run away. Next job - five months. Next job - about a year. This most recent one? Eight months. For me - this is proof of the disorder. Along with the Facebook bragging and the silent stalking of my own FB page. Also - he is still staying up until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning drinking and posting / stalking on FB.

I now feel this is the closure I've been seeking. It doesn't make me happy. Only very sad for someone who I loved very much. I'm left wondering where he'll turn for employment. He's burned a lot of bridges with his reputation. It is a small community where he lives and people talk. He and the spouse have a long history of domestic violence. She hits - he calls the authorities. Now his youngest son chooses women who are abusive. How sad is that? I'm wondering if the local dining establishments will want to take a chance in hiring him? Word does get around, no? Perhaps time and his mistreatment of others has begun to catch up with him. I don't want to think of him hurting and struggling. His spouse has no skills and won't be able to support the two of them on what she brings home. But none of this is my problem.

For me - it's bringing to a close a long, painful journey. He reached out to me once - over a year ago. Via Facebook. By sending me a Friend Request after over a year of the Silent Treatment after he ran away. I didn't accept the request. He then blocked me. Been that way ever since. Yet he still checks up on me. I am guilty of spying on him as well. Looking for some small sign of what I experienced with him. I guess I now have it. And it sucks. I hope he finds his way. I've certainly worked hard on finding mine. Better days are now ahead! 

Thanks to all for your support and advice. Don't think I could have gotten here without it!  I'll still be checking in from time to time - but new interests / friends / projects are pulling me in new directions and it's great! My best to you all!