Coping with relational breakdown

[suffering Sue]

I have this weekend finished an 8 month relationship with my boyfriend, who I believe had BPD He has always been incredibly loving and patient with me. I have however ended the relationship on 5 occasions before and each time he has been very forgiving and wanted to get back with me. I ended it each time because of some of his behaviour which was irrationally critical of little things I had done which were very trivial but he would change and become angry and it made me feel upset and almost afraid. But then I would miss his loving so much that I thought I could make it work again if I was more understanding and patient.  Now I have done it finally he has turned and become hateful in his texts - he also turned up here and insisted on coming in and alternated between begging me to come back and saying horrid accusing things. He wouldnt leave and in the end I had to call the police.

I am finding it very difficult to come to terms with the fact that the deep love which we had for each other has finally gone so sour and hateful on his part.

Does anyone else have a similar experience and how did they cope?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Hi suffering sue

This constant recycling with endless break ups and make ups is common.

Have you learned much about BPD and has your ability to come to terms with it changed during these cycles. In other words have you adapted the way you approached the disorder and it still failed, or did the same mismatch keep reoccurring?

If you have truly done with it and your only thoughts are to move on in the least damaging way then you may be better posting on the Leaving: Detaching from the Wounds of a failed BPD Relationship

Waverider

[BestVersionOfMe]

I'm so sorry that you are hurting, you must be so upset about this whole thing.  I agree with Waverider, the constant cycle of breaking up and coming back together is so, so common.  Please, please read all of the "lessons" on this site as they will give you a quick overview about what you are going through and some tips on how to learn how to focus on yourself.  Hang in  there, we are all here for you.

bvom

[Cat Familiar]

 

Suffering Sue, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. Dealing with a partner with BPD can be incredibly confusing and difficult. Learning more about it certainly helps. So many of us here have had similar experiences. Keep on posting and tell us more about your situation.

Cat

[vortex of confusion]

 

As I read your post, I was wondering if you are wanting to be done or if you are wanting to try it one more time. If you don't want to be done but want to try to figure out a way to get back together, then the best thing you can do is read, read, read! You are in a tough spot. You love this person and want to be with him but everything seems so crazy and difficult.

Keep posting! There are lots of people here with your experiences.