Why Did I Even THINK This May Go Kinda OK?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I had to meet with my soon to be ex dBPDh. Because some time had passed since I had seen/talked to him, I very mistakenly thought it would go, if not smoothly, at least well enough to get done what needed by done. OH BOY! Was I wrong, wrong, wrong!

The first words out of his mouth were "All I was looking for was a friend and companion" and it went downhill from there. After trying to keep the conversation on point, I left  -  mission NOT accomplished.

I KNOW he is ill. If fact, I have written on here what a horrible, dreadful, illness is for the those that have it. I FEEL for him and his struggles ... .but right now, I am almost feeling sorry for myself ! How do I get this done and done when his BPD symptoms won't allow it?

Funny, I USED to be Dazed But Not Confused ... .I sure AM confused now!

[DazedButNotConfused]

I had to meet with my soon to be ex dBPDh. Because some time had passed since I had seen/talked to him, I very mistakenly thought it would go, if not smoothly, at least well enough to get done what needed by done. OH BOY! Was I wrong, wrong, wrong!

The first words out of his mouth were "All I was looking for was a friend and companion" and it went downhill from there. After trying to keep the conversation on point, I left  -  mission NOT accomplished.

I KNOW he is ill. If fact, I have written on here what a horrible, dreadful, illness is for the those that have it. I FEEL for him and his struggles ... .but right now, I am almost feeling sorry for myself ! How do I get this done and done when his BPD symptoms won't allow it?

Funny, I USED to be Dazed But Not Confused ... .I sure AM confused now!

[fred6]

Why did you have to meet with him?

[DazedButNotConfused]

Sorry ... .Should have said that. I had made him a partner is my business. We had to discuss the division of clients and accounts. The lawyers thought it would be too time consuming and cumbersome to try to do it in writing. THAT is why I tried to meet with him.

[fred6]

Sorry ... .Should have said that. I had made him a partner is my business. We had to discuss the division of clients and accounts. The lawyers thought it would be too time consuming and cumbersome to try to do it in writing. THAT is why I tried to meet with him.

So would he not talk about the business when you guys met? Maybe a planned conference call with your attorney present.

[DazedButNotConfused]

Yes, I think that having a lawyer present for the next go-round is the only solution.

I made a BIG mistake in this ... .dummy me! I forgot what a pwBPD can be like. I expected (always a BAD BAD thing!) rational from the irrational. I asked a blind to describe the colors in the sunset. (Can you tell I am unconfusing myself as the day progresses?)

So really ... .my bad feelings were of my own creation ... .and BPD's. I have only myself to blame ... .

DBNC

[fred6]

Yes, I think that having a lawyer present for the next go-round is the only solution.

I made a BIG mistake in this ... .dummy me! I forgot what a pwBPD can be like. I expected (always a BAD BAD thing!) rational from the irrational. I asked a blind to describe the colors in the sunset. (Can you tell I am unconfusing myself as the day progresses?)

So really ... .my bad feelings were of my own creation ... .and BPD's. I have only myself to blame ... .

DBNC

I wouldn't dwell on it too much. We all do these type things and learn our lessons. Sometimes it takes a couple times to sink in, but in the end we come out better for our mistakes.

[Suzn]

This may be helpful.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=160566.0

It may also help save some time if you get your attorney on board as well. And we know time is money with an attorney. Sorry you're struggling with your H, a divorce pushes everyone's buttons. Especially a pwBPD. Hang in there.

[Mutt]

Hi DazedButNotConfused,



Fred6 has a good point with having a lawyer present. Suzn's also has a good point - it's to push everyone's button's, especially a pwBPD

D.E.A.R.M.A.N is a good communication technique.

Is your L familiar with personality disorders? I suggest picking up a copy of Splitting; Protecting yourself While Divorcing a Borderline it's an essential guide for divorcing a PD.  You may want to consider giving a copy to your L as well.

I'm sorry you're going through this.