Not sure why she's calling

[ShadowIntheNight]

My ex has been gone for 6 mos now. We haven't physically spoken to one another in 8 mos. The day I received her "breakup note" in the mail last August I left an enraged message on her vm as she was even too gutless to pick up the phone and talk to me. After that I never contacted her until November when I was given the opportunity to apologize for the things I had said via email. My enraged call was a mistake in August and I'm glad I was able to apologize as the guilt was killing me.

Prior to that in September I began getting Hangup phone calls. I'd only get about two or three a month in Sept & Oct. We conversed in Nov via email. No real conversation and I have not contacted her since. I have been too upset from what has happened to barely get out of my home. That has now been 3 months. At the first of December I received about 3 hangup calls. I didn't receive anymore until late January, which the first coincidently was on the day of her kid's birthday. I received another later that month. And last week, prior to valentine's I got two and possibly a third hang up call.

The calls say OUT of AREA and  have either said PRIVaTE NUMBER or nothing at all. In other words the number is either blocked or not there. I began logging the times when they have come in and have pretty much figured if they were from my uBPDexgf they would match her work schedule and times she would have to make a call.

At first I have thought that the calls that have come in thus far in 2015 were just a coincidence, it couldn't possibly be her after 5 & 6 months. But last night I was talking to a friend about them and she asked me how my ex's number came in on my caller ID in the past. And that's when I remembered this: my ex and I do not live in the same state and whenever her calls came in over the last 10 yrs they always said OUT OF AREA and then her phone number was listed on my caller id. Since I knew her number, I'd always answer as I knew it was her ringing. That's when it hit me, of course it has been her and continues to be her.

In the 10 yrs of our relationship dating and partnered, I never once received a hang up call. Never. I have a landline and all of these hangups have been on my landline, not my cell. She always knew she would find me at home as I don't work at a regular job. I know she knows that still hasn't changed.

I read from someone on here about triangulation and wonder if somehow she is triangulating me with her new toy even tho she is not speaking to me in her calls. I answer the calls when they come in, I even say hello 2 or 3 times and then she just hangs up. I also wonder if she wants to say something but is afraid to.

Before anyone tells me not to pick them up or just ignore them or any of those other chastising things, I really am looking for input on why this behavior may be going on. I choose to pick them up and I want to, so there's no need to give me down the road about that. If anyone else has had a similar experience I would appreciate hearing about it as well. Thanks.

[JRT]

As far as I have read here, the pwBPD will attempt to reach out to you for a supply when their new supply, your replacement, is not fulfilling them any longer... .it could mean that the relationship is over or that there is trouble within it OR that she has trouble in her life in another area. As I understand things; her reaching back to you is, under these circumstances, would be to replace your replacement.

Its odd that she would not say anything over the phone. I am guessing that she may not have the courage to do so or that her shame is causing her considerable pain to even speak up after you answer. pwBPD are hyper sensitive to emotions and the mere sound of your voice may cause a tidal wave of emotions that she simply cannot deal with and hence, she just hangs up. The one time I tried to call my ex after our b/u, she called the cops!

[myself]

It could be that she feels bothered about something and wants you to feel bothered about something, too. Projecting her uncomfortableness. It's also a way to keep you on the hook, even though you're not going to be together.

[ShadowIntheNight]

As far as I have read here, the pwBPD will attempt to reach out to you for a supply when their new supply, your replacement, is not fulfilling them any longer... .it could mean that the relationship is over or that there is trouble within it OR that she has trouble in her life in another area. As I understand things; her reaching back to you is, under these circumstances, would be to replace your replacement.

Its odd that she would not say anything over the phone. I am guessing that she may not have the courage to do so or that her shame is causing her considerable pain to even speak up after you answer. pwBPD are hyper sensitive to emotions and the mere sound of your voice may cause a tidal wave of emotions that she simply cannot deal with and hence, she just hangs up. The one time I tried to call my ex after our b/u, she called the cops!

You know JRT, I found a letter from her from a few years back where she had probably done a push/pull thing (certainly not to this extent, maybe to a one day thing) and she said that she knew how wonderful I had been to her and that she just gets afraid. She goes on to say that she isn't proud of the way she treated me when pushing me away and that I certainly didn't deserve to be treated that way. She then apologizes, tells me how much she loves me, etc, etc... .

The thing is that I know by this point, and maybe back even by September when the calls began, that she knew she was in the wrong for doing what she had done. I know she knows by this point that whomever she is with, if it's a guy she isn't happy. She has never been happy with a man, unless he was gay. Then she didn't have to worry about the sex part. I want to contact her, but the real reason I don't is so that she has to live by her actions. She says that was what she wanted, and who am I to belabor the point anymore?

So I guess maybe she can't bring herself to really say anything because she feels guilty. She has a guilt complex anyway. I still miss her though. Not the last year her, but the one before that.

[JRT]

Sounds spot on.