The bomb went off...

[Depression = 72% of members]

The bomb exploded tonight and I'm feeling terrified. My clothes were flung from the closet and all throughout the apartment. My family, my ex boyfriend, my friends, and I, all called names and bashed. I was called a b___, aed up person, a scared low life piece of, I was flipped off and told you, get out. He took his ex out for dinner for Valentine's day without a single word to me, she apparently thinks I am a b___ now(his words). What have I done to deserve this?

I am feeling depressed and hopeless. I can't sleep and have to be at work in 6 hrs. I need to get out of here and fast.

I can't deal with it anymore. It was impossible to talk to him, impossible to calm him. It's so difficult to understand what happened from last week to this week.

[BadKitty]

The bomb exploded tonight and I'm feeling terrified. My clothes were flung from the closet and all throughout the apartment. My family, my ex boyfriend, my friends, and I, all called names and bashed. I was called a b___, aed up person, a scared low life piece of, I was flipped off and told you, get out. He took his ex out for dinner for Valentine's day without a single word to me, she apparently thinks I am a b___ now(his words). What have I done to deserve this?

I am feeling depressed and hopeless. I can't sleep and have to be at work in 6 hrs. I need to get out of here and fast.

I can't deal with it anymore. It was impossible to talk to him, impossible to calm him. It's so difficult to understand what happened from last week to this week.

[Mutt]

Hi BadKitty,



I'm sorry to hear for what you are going through. Borderline rages are tough   It's an emotional cleansing of pain, sadness, guilt, shame, and anger. You can't calm him down. I can relate.

What he said about his ex and calling you names is likely false, he's trying to push buttons.

Is he calm now?

[Loosestrife]

Can you go and stay anywhere else for a few days?

[BadKitty]

He calmed down and went to sleep as if nothing happened.  I barely slept a wink! How can they behave like that and sleep soundly afterwards! 

Unfortunately,  I have nowhere to go for a few days and it was late last night when this started so was unable to leave for a couple of hours like I usually do. I Had Asked Him to leave since his dad lives just down the street and it only made things worse.

I am lost at this point.

[going places]

Google 'abuse shelter for women' in your area.

Call.

They will find you emergency shelter until you can get things sorted out.

[Mike-X]

The bomb exploded tonight and I'm feeling terrified. My clothes were flung from the closet and all throughout the apartment. My family, my ex boyfriend, my friends, and I, all called names and bashed. I was called a b___, aed up person, a scared low life piece of, I was flipped off and told you, get out. He took his ex out for dinner for Valentine's day without a single word to me, she apparently thinks I am a b___ now(his words). What have I done to deserve this?

I am feeling depressed and hopeless. I can't sleep and have to be at work in 6 hrs. I need to get out of here and fast.

I can't deal with it anymore. It was impossible to talk to him, impossible to calm him. It's so difficult to understand what happened from last week to this week.

Rages can be extremely terrifying, and I am sorry that you experienced that.

What is the story behind him taking his ex out for Valentine's dinner? Is the relationship between you and your boyfriend over but you are still living together?

Do you have friends or family in the area? Do you have friends or family who know what you have been through? Don't allow yourself to become isolated.

[Recooperating]

Hey Kitty,

I am so sorry to hear about your situation! Its such a difficult position to be in. I know cause my dBPDexbf put me through this as well. He would punch holes in walls, throw stuff around and when I would say he was scaring me, he'd say I was a cry baby and should be happy he punched walls instead of me. (Very reassuring) I stayed and the behaviour got worse, it ended up us fighting over a big ass kitchen knife and me flying threw the room... .I was black and blue. He threw the biggest fit ever, was completely out of control. When I called the police he took the phone away from me and calmly said I was a mental patient and paranoia. Calm as nothing had happened! The police didnt show and he went back into his fit. Its when I realized he was chosing this behaviour, he was calm just moments before! And yes he slept like a baby and I was in shock... .

Kitty I strongly advice you to leave. Pack your belongings and go. Stay a little longer and he will get physicall with you! Please don't underestimate it like I did! Can you move to a motel a couple of days? Stay with a friend/collegea/relative? You really need to put your safety first now! Leave at a time he's not home, write him a letter or if you wanna tell him in person please do so in a public place and make sure there's someone there with you. This man is destroying you, this is NOT love, this is ABUSE!

Keep posting Kitty! Im worried about your safety!

Sending you strenght and hugs,

recoop.

[BadKitty]

The story with the ex is that he just went out with her instead of me because he was already angry at me from a few days before when I had my disabled sister staying with us at our apartment due to my dad getting into some legal trouble. He yelled at me saying because of my dad's irresponsibility we are all suffering. We were still together at that point. What he said crossed a line with me. I took a day to cool off after that comment and then tried to express how I felt about what he said. He started in on me again saying he would not apologize for what he said. We didn't speak for another whole day until Saturday night. After not hearing from him I called. He said he was coming from her house, he had taken her out to dinner. At that point, I was done. I can no longer handle this disrespect.

I think I will stay in a motel for the next few nights. It's expensive but my life is more valuable.  He did not get physical with me but he did get in my face with his middle finger. I tried swiping his hand from my face and he flinched (exaggeration of course) and then got in my face more, yelling, saying he wishes I'd hit him so he could call the cops and send me to jail.

I have been at work all day so I have no idea what to expect when I get back. My things were still scattered all across the apartment when I left for work.

I really appreciate all of you guys support and concern. It makes me feel better to know you are there for me. I think I'm going to cry now.   

[Mutt]

A motel's a good idea. I'm sorry he's putting you out of place.

Can you have a friend, co-worker or family member with you when you pick up your things?

For safety's sake.

He's likely not going to show the other side ( borderline rage ) in front of others. It should keep him in his place.

[JRT]

 What have I done to deserve this?[/quote]
It is very likely that you have done absolutely nothing to deserve what he did to you. Sorry to hear that you are going through this. Please keep in mind, that if he is a BPD, then this behavior is very strongly not your fault at all and nothing could be done to prevent it.

[GlennT]

Do not return no matter how sincere the apology. Do not waste another irreplaceable day of your very, very, valuable life wondering why they are so crazy. Never go back! They cannot change without hurting someone. Stay away from this disorder! You will never, never, help them by staying. In fact, you can help them more by leaving them alone! Keep posting here if you need to, and talk, learn, etc. as much as you can. In time, their poison will be gone out of your system, and the nightmare will finally end. 

[Loosestrife]

All of the behaviour you describe is abuse and this will only get worse. I have had the finger wagging in my face and the threats and I went back. They know they can get away with it and so try push more and more until one day it becomes physically violent. The writing us on the wall. Get out whilst you still can. I think taking someone with you to collect your things is good advice. You are in our thoughts, please be safe 

[HappyNihilist]

Kitty, I'm so sorry!   I know that was scary, confusing, and heartbreaking. You didn't deserve any of that treatment.

Borderlines often want to be the very center of their partner's universe at all times, an unrealistic expectation. Your dad's "irresponsibility" is not in any way within the realm of your control. His anger at you is irrational and misplaced. You took care of your sister for a few days when she needed your help - that's a caring, sisterly thing to do. A non-borderline would not see this as a personal slight against them. Even if they were irritated by the disruption to their normal home life, it wouldn't lead to rages and insults.

You stepped in and helped your family, which is a great, commendable thing.  

I'm so sorry this is the result of it. I know all too well the scary confusion of borderline rages.

All of the behaviour you describe is abuse and this will only get worse. I have had the finger wagging in my face and the threats and I went back. They know they can get away with it and so try push more and more until one day it becomes physically violent.

There is a whole lot of truth here.

I'm glad you're looking into ways to get out of the house, at least for a few days. If you haven't already, I highly recommend looking at the Decision Making Guide here for some very helpful advice and information.

First and foremost - take care of yourself.  

[BadKitty]

Thanks to you all for replying.

I am moving out but not until April 15. It seems so far away. I am going this weekend to put down the deposit.

When I got home he had cleaned up my things and was doing some of my laundry. He even bought me some take out for dinner. I barely ate but I did manage to eat some. I thought he would be angry about that (we've gotten in arguments over me not eating before) but he wasn't. I think those things are his way of apologizing without really having to say the words. He knows his apologies mean nothing to me anymore and has admitted this. We talked just a little about what happened. We were both exhausted over it to talk too much. He was much more understanding and able to listen without talking over me and twisting my words. We actually had an adult conversation.

This by no means has made me feel any better. I am still leaving. I will leave and never look back (I really hope not anyway).

What I am afraid of and preparing myself for now is when he realizes this is all real and I really am leaving. I know there will be another big blow out but you know what? It will just make it that much easier to leave, In a way I hope he continues this bad behavior so that I will not be sucked back in to his charms.

I don't know if this has had anything to do with his tantrum, but I found out his mother is having surgery today. He is at the hospital with her tonight. He may have been feeling bad for that on top of everything else. At least I will have some peace and quiet tonight.

Thanks again everyone for your advice and support and I will continue to post and keep you updated. It really helps to get it all off your chest when no one else understands and you feel so alone. I love you BPD Family. 

[Mike-X]

Thanks to you all for replying.

I am moving out but not until April 15. It seems so far away. I am going this weekend to put down the deposit.

When I got home he had cleaned up my things and was doing some of my laundry. He even bought me some take out for dinner. I barely ate but I did manage to eat some. I thought he would be angry about that (we've gotten in arguments over me not eating before) but he wasn't. I think those things are his way of apologizing without really having to say the words. He knows his apologies mean nothing to me anymore and has admitted this. We talked just a little about what happened. We were both exhausted over it to talk too much. He was much more understanding and able to listen without talking over me and twisting my words. We actually had an adult conversation.

This by no means has made me feel any better. I am still leaving. I will leave and never look back (I really hope not anyway).

What I am afraid of and preparing myself for now is when he realizes this is all real and I really am leaving. I know there will be another big blow out but you know what? It will just make it that much easier to leave, In a way I hope he continues this bad behavior so that I will not be sucked back in to his charms.

I don't know if this has had anything to do with his tantrum, but I found out his mother is having surgery today. He is at the hospital with her tonight. He may have been feeling bad for that on top of everything else. At least I will have some peace and quiet tonight.

Thanks again everyone for your advice and support and I will continue to post and keep you updated. It really helps to get it all off your chest when no one else understands and you feel so alone. I love you BPD Family. 

Stay strong. Sorry that you didn't get an explicit apology. Of course, his mother having surgery is a good reason to ask for a comforting hug but not a reason for a tantrum.

[rlhmm]

cant get out til april? good gosh! thats a long time to be on "eggshells"! please please try to find an earlier exit strategy! in the meantime be very careful and if you can leave sooner, please do so! best wishes to you 

[BadKitty]

Yes, April is way to far away.

After 2 calm nights, it happened again but luckily he went to his dad's tonight. Not before calling me all sorts of horrible things. One day he tells me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and the next he is hurting me. UGH! I just can't deal with this anymore! He even took all of his credit cards and things because he doesn't trust me, but why? I've never done anything for him not to trust me! He just sent a message saying he doesn't trust me here alone. He doesn't know what I am planning to do because I seem hell bent on getting him to leave the apartment. I am not going to do anything, I just don't want to be around him!

This is getting so old! It's been 2 weeks of hell and not subsiding. I don't understand why he would think I am going to do anything untrustworthy while he is away. I never have and never will.

[Mike-X]

Yes, April is way to far away.

After 2 calm nights, it happened again but luckily he went to his dad's tonight. Not before calling me all sorts of horrible things. One day he tells me he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and the next he is hurting me. UGH! I just can't deal with this anymore! He even took all of his credit cards and things because he doesn't trust me, but why? I've never done anything for him not to trust me! He just sent a message saying he doesn't trust me here alone. He doesn't know what I am planning to do because I seem hell bent on getting him to leave the apartment. I am not going to do anything, I just don't want to be around him!

This is getting so old! It's been 2 weeks of hell and not subsiding. I don't understand why he would think I am going to do anything untrustworthy while he is away. I never have and never will.

Paranoia is often a part of the disorder.

[BadKitty]

He is definitely paranoid. He even came back to try and get all of his guns and then changed his mind. What made me laugh a bit tonight (not until he left of course, that would only make him more angry) is that he called ME a drama queen! ME the drama queen when he is the one being so dramatic about EVERYTHING!

[Mike-X]

He is definitely paranoid. He even came back to try and get all of his guns and then changed his mind. What made me laugh a bit tonight (not until he left of course, that would only make him more angry) is that he called ME a drama queen! ME the drama queen when he is the one being so dramatic about EVERYTHING!

Constant drama also seems to be a part of BPD. I have asked myself many, many times whether I am someone who really loves drama. :/

[Tibbles]

Badkitty I am so sorry you are going through this. It is the hardest thing to live through when they go into these rages. Mine was the same - I loved the drama apparently, and I was completely untrust worthy, especially when it came to possessions and money. Remember it is all about him and none of it is about you. You are just caught up in his mental illness and are a target for emotions he cannot handle.

If you can't get out before April use the time you have between then and now to plan your exit. Get some support networks in place for yourself. When you leave you might get a big rush of emotion and might need some one safe to cry and vent to. Get some $ behind you too. Use this site lots too - keep posting. So many of us have been where you are and are coming out the other side. You can too. Stay safe x x x x x

[Loosestrife]

I asked myself if I lived drama. I remember back to pre- BPD relationship and I had a zero tolerance for drama and high maintenance friendships/ relationships. I think ila BPD relationship conditions you and drama them becomes part of a routine which you to the point it feels Normal

[Mike-X]

I asked myself if I lived drama. I remember back to pre- BPD relationship and I had a zero tolerance for drama and high maintenance friendships/ relationships. I think ila BPD relationship conditions you and drama them becomes part of a routine which you to the point it feels Normal

I agree.