Thoughts on taking on my ex head on

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

We broke up over 3 months ago and she has been at me from the 2nd week. PPO taking car ,smear campaign you name it. So far i have done nothing to retaliate but with lawyers and telling her she is screwed as i have information on her the the ird and government departments would love to see . She is a WG who is BPD and doesn't pay taxes and claims welfare . I wasn't aware of that till 4 months ago and was part of the problem as i am liable for some of the welfare. Now i can ruin her online persona and place of work which now her 10 yo son lives so Walfare service would love to get involved. All in all i have had enough of this women and really feel like taking it to her. My pain is realized every time she pokes at me.

Is it wise to go full steam ahead and really make her pay for not only me but all the misery she has caused to other men.

My Family and friends know it all BTW

Thoughts

[Warney]

We broke up over 3 months ago and she has been at me from the 2nd week. PPO taking car ,smear campaign you name it. So far i have done nothing to retaliate but with lawyers and telling her she is screwed as i have information on her the the ird and government departments would love to see . She is a WG who is BPD and doesn't pay taxes and claims welfare . I wasn't aware of that till 4 months ago and was part of the problem as i am liable for some of the welfare. Now i can ruin her online persona and place of work which now her 10 yo son lives so Walfare service would love to get involved. All in all i have had enough of this women and really feel like taking it to her. My pain is realized every time she pokes at me.

Is it wise to go full steam ahead and really make her pay for not only me but all the misery she has caused to other men.

My Family and friends know it all BTW

Thoughts

[HappyNihilist]

 

Welcome to bpdfamily, Warney.

I'm sorry about your situation.   On top of a painful and confusing breakup, now your exgf has been conducting a smear campaign, filing orders against you, taking and trying to take your property... .being very antagonistic and unfair.

It's completely understandable to feel angry, and to have thoughts of revenge. However, the truth is that acting upon this anger and/or seeking revenge rarely if ever leads to positive results.

How do you think "taking her on" would make you feel, in the long run? What would the likely impacts be? What would happen to her son?

If there is concern for her son's welfare (he's being abused, neglected, etc.), then definitely let someone know about that. Otherwise, my advice would be to leave the action to the lawyers.

I know you're in pain. But "taking her on" won't ease that pain in the long run. In fact, it could very well make things worse.

Take this time to focus on yourself -- spend time with your feelings, listen to what they're telling you. Above all, take care of yourself. You've been hurt deeply... .you need and deserve time to heal.

[Recooperating]

Always take the high road, don't stoop to their level as tempting as it is! Karma is a b___! I too thought about this... .Revenge as I too had nice info against my dBPDexbf. It was in my anger stage of the grief process. I stayed NC. Revenge would have caused him to lash out at me more and spice up the smear and stalking. Im sure he would have made more stuff up. He was already harrasing my family so I decided to lay low and Im glad I did!

He'll do an excellent job f-ing up his own life, he really doesnt need my help with that, he's the expert in that department.

Best revenge is being happy without them! So i'd advice you to be the better person, take care of you, heal and move on and be disgustingly happy!

[Warney]

I do fear for her son as he already has abandonment fears to an extreme level. Truth is she heading down a destructive path anyway , so far i have taken the high road but also feel that maybe i may be a little BPD my self these days. Just trying to sort stuff really.

[Recooperating]

Hey Warney,

I know how difficult it is to process all if this. Im so sorry you feel like this.

When I first came out of my rs with exBPD I also doubted my sanity. To be honest his behaviour did rubb off on me! 2 years of rages made me emotional unstable too. I had never acted like such a biatch before in my life! When he raged, at times I would yell back, i would defend myself and stand up for myself. I didnt recognize myself anymore. On top After all the stress, walking on eggshells, mental and physicall abuse I ended up with PTSD. A symptom of that is getting irritable very quickly... .Which I did.

What helped was staying NC. Reinventing myself, getting back to my core, my morals and values without his influence. I am 6 months out now and I am still working on the PTSD, but I am so much more stable! I am out of the FOG and I am really making progress in getting my groove back.

I think what you're experiencing is completely normal. (No its not... .But for a BPD break up it probably is). I would advice you to do the 90 days NC challenge. (There's a thread on that here) focus on you first, get out if the FOG. Its gonna be hard, two steps forward, three steps back, but it was my saviour and totally worth it!

Good luck and keep posting! We're all the same boat here (or have been)!

[Restored2]

Hi Warney.  Your anger and frustration is totally understandable.  Dealing with BPD people is never easy, especially when they play dirty ball.  Careful what moves you make when children are involved.  They don't need to be victims caught in the crossfire of love gone sour.  I believe it is always best to take the high road too, even when someone else is not.  I would encourage you to protect yourself from being attacked though.  You may need to involve the police on your side at some point. 

[Cleveland]

Here's the thing, you know she is irrational.  When backed into a corner, she is going to act out even more.  If she hurts herself, or worse yet, her son or someone else... .that's a lot of guilt for you.

[raisins3142]

I considered things like this, but did not take revenge and I am glad for it.

Be the bigger person.  Protect yourself but do not try to hurt her out of spite.  It will keep things going and possibly cause you regrets or guilt later down the line.

[Warney]

So my lawyer this morning sent her lawyer a letter outlining the simple facts about how we need a forensic accountant to go over mine, hers and her mothers and sisters accounts.

Also that i would not be liable for half of benefit fraud as i didn't know and also tax evasion as i again didn't know.

That we would need to get a lawyer in japan to contact her sister to find out why things were happening in these accounts.

That i would be getting statements from friends and school teachers to write statements on the police protection order.

so that confronted her being outed as a prostitute to her family and friends also being losing serious assets and also breaking the law.

Now guess who wants to talk?

[eyvindr]

Let the lawyers handle it at this point. I'm not an attorney, but I think if you were to begin communicating with her now, you could undermine your case. Keep your perspective. She may very well be intentionally trying to pull you back in, so she can manipulate you for her own sake. Be careful. Good luck.

[Warney]

Im sure she is trying , unfortunately the protection order allows no contact so cant even do that. Which is good.

[ReluctantSurvivor]

I know how it feels to want to get even for being wronged.  You can look at all the damage in the wake of a BPD and think that they need a lesson.  The thing is it wont make a bit of difference.  You really wont feel better in the long run.  It might feel good for a bit to know you got them back but in the long run I would rather live knowing that I chose the more respectable route and disengaged.  Revenge will just keep you pulled into the BPD drama.  It is best to get far away and live your life free of their drama ASAP.

If you want revenge, go live your life to the fullest and be successful without them.  Even a BPD knows deep down when they let a great thing go.  Also keep in mind that these people are emotionally crippled.  Revenge would be akin to tripping a blind man.  BPDs do horrible things and behave in horrible ways.  They are already in their own hell, there is really no need to add coals to the fire.

Forgive them for yourself, heal and move away from this with a hard bought lesson.   

[Warney]

Yes revenge is not what i wanted more to take my fair share from the relationship and BPD tend to want to keep it all. Our kids will benefit in the long run as i am putting what i get into trust for them.