OMG Bankrupcty? What would you do? Please advise.

[Hope0807]

I truly believed the option was out of the question for me.  :)oes it sound like my only option?  Is is possible to recover?

I'm a 10-month employee with a solid career, but now I'm scrambling to take on small part-time jobs to have money to live 12-months out of the year.  I'm repaying a personal loan that helped me get on me feet through the abrupt fallout.  The credit debt isn't huge, but paying even the minimums adds up to a few hundred dollars each month that I can definitely use since I'm constantly in danger of not being able to put gas in my car or buy groceries.

A home equity loan is not an option.  We're both out of the house and he's stopped paying the mortgage - so on a side note I'm looking the possibility of a Quit Claim Deed.  The ex has also shot my credit to hell and I got denied a credit union loan.  The ex will not be paying toward any of the marital credit debt.  I guess a loan from my pension is an option but do I want to just keep borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, so-to-speak?

Do I continue at all costs to avoid bankruptcy or are certain situations to cry "Uncle!"…and if so, what is the recovery like?  And what can I do to prepare myself for bankruptcy?  I'm guessing a Bankruptcy Attorney will want even more money that I don't have.  This is horrific.

I'll be happy to hear from any of you.  

[jhkbuzz]

I truly believed the option was out of the question for me.  Does it sound like my only option?  Is is possible to recover?

I'm a 10-month employee with a solid career, but now I'm scrambling to take on small part-time jobs to have money to live 12-months out of the year.  I'm repaying a personal loan that helped me get on me feet through the abrupt fallout.  The credit debt isn't huge, but paying even the minimums adds up to a few hundred dollars each month that I can definitely use since I'm constantly in danger of not being able to put gas in my car or buy groceries.

A home equity loan is not an option.  We're both out of the house and he's stopped paying the mortgage - so on a side note I'm looking the possibility of a Quit Claim Deed.  The ex has also shot my credit to hell and I got denied a credit union loan.  The ex will not be paying toward any of the marital credit debt.  I guess a loan from my pension is an option but do I want to just keep borrowing from Peter to pay Paul, so-to-speak?

Do I continue at all costs to avoid bankruptcy or are certain situations to cry "Uncle!"…and if so, what is the recovery like?  And what can I do to prepare myself for bankruptcy?  I'm guessing a Bankruptcy Attorney will want even more money that I don't have.  This is horrific.

I'll be happy to hear from any of you. 

There are a lot of missing details here... .have you lost the house?  Are you trying to sell the house? Are you still paying the mortgage on it?

Bankruptcy is an option, although it will be 7 years before you can recover good credit... .it's usually several years before you can consider getting any kind of credit card or loan.

Yes, an attorney will charge to file, but I know there are attorneys who will work with low income folks and charge less for filing than normal - I helped my ex mother in law do this.

I filed for bankruptcy a loong time ago - I actually bought a NOLO book and filed on my own - it only cost the court filing fees.

www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/bankruptcy

[hope2727]

I am sorry you are struggling with this. I have been there teetering on the edge myself in the past.

I would STRONGLY suggest contacting a credit counsellor and a lawyer Immediately. Credit counselling associations are free. They want to help you and have better knowledge of your situation and the local rules. I live in Canada so it may be a totally different game here. If at all possible avoid bankruptcy.

I rented out rooms, worked 3 jobs, taught lessons on Sunday's, sold things whatever it took to make minimum payments on everything for about a year. I also shut my ex-husband down at every turn as to access to my money. Its a bit like BPD... .stop making it worse (aka stop the financial bleeding) then start making it better (earn more and repay). Keep us ped.

Start by googling free credit counselling and your communities name. Good luck.  Keep us posted.

[Suzn]

I'm sorry you're struggling financially Hope. It's scary when we aren't sure how to make ends meet on top of trying to get back on our feet emotionally.

Talk with a bankruptcy attorney to see what your options are. It'll help put things into better perspective. I've heard that yes it can be expensive however you may be able to make payments to pay their fee. As I see it, there would only be a few payments compared to payments for a very long time. And instead of making payments to several different creditors there would only be the one to the Attorney. He would handle the rest.

Bankruptcy is an option for a reason. It's a financial relief option and I wouldn't feel bad about exploring it. It's actually a responsible option if it's a necessity. Not only to take charge of your finances but also since we tend to carry our ex's portion of the debt we carry the emotional weight of the dilemma as well. Of course I can only speak for myself here but I carried my ex's portion of my debt for years. I blamed myself since I didn't say no to purchases. However I've had to cut myself some slack because she was my partner at the time and we originally had a plan for our combined debts. I showed up for my part, she did not.

There is nothing wrong with looking into wiping the slate clean on your end when you are left with the financial burden of someone else's part of debts you were originally supposed to share.

[billypilgrim]

Firstly, I'm very sorry you are experiencing this.  It's hard enough dealing with a breakup with someone like this.  I would recommend trying to avoid bankruptcy.   It may appear to be the only option sometimes but you'll be living with that on your credit for years.  As for your house, what do you plan on doing with it?  I'm guessing it is in both of your names since you are thinking about a Quit Claim Deed?  If you have any intention of selling/downsizing, I can't recommend getting a quit claim deed enough.  It will cut him out of the selling process and make you the sole proprietor.  Plus, he will no longer have any claim to any of the proceeds or equity in the home.  I went this route and I know it saved me a world of pain and trouble with having to deal with my ex as I am currently selling now.  As other have mentioned, try reaching out to a credit counselor or a debt consolidation firm.  These are often free and they can work with you and your creditors to come up with a more reasonable payment plan. 

[Hope0807]

I apologize in advance for the length.  Hope these additional details help:

Both our names have been on the home/mortgage since I worked to bail him out of the foreclosure (just months after I moved my entire world into "his" home) the first time around in 2008.  Yes,    #1, but believe it or not he talked his way out not disclosing his lack of paying his mortgage to the point of foreclosure proceedings magnificently.

He threw me out like garbage in April 2014.  (I did not know of his criminal behavior or ASPD until after everything fell apart.)  Due to the fact that he asked me to leave and did not obtain an attorney himself…MY attorney put into the divorce settlement agreement that HE/exH is solely responsible for paying the mortgage.

The marital home is now vacant and the ex has ceased making mortgage payments.  I'm currently completing a large packet of documents from the mortgage company as well as a Quit Claim Deed form I have been advised to obtain from the county.  I have to have someone help me with the QCD form because even the online example does not give me the verbiage for my specific situation and I don't want to get it wrong.

I'm plagued by the guilt to repay a personal loan I begrudgingly accepted to help me with moving and legal expenses.  At the rate I am able to make payments on this personal loan, it will take me years and I don't think it's fair to the person I borrowed from.  In addition, I'm paying down marital credit debt that the exH will never contribute a penny toward.  In comparison to others, the credit debt is not massive, but if those hundreds of dollars can be alleviated each month to allow me to better repay the personal loans and resume payments on my student loans (currently in forbearance), I have to wonder if I may be able to start building financial independence again, rather than feeling buried on a near constant basis these days.

I don't make a lot of money, and I don't live beyond my means.  I have a solid career as a 10-month employee.  I'm applying for jobs weekly and taking almost every tiny position that comes my way on a weekly or monthly basis to play constant catch up.  Once my rent, utilities and other bills are paid, I continue to find myself scrounging for just a few dollars to get gas or groceries until the next pay check.  I am educated, have taken one vacation in my entire life and have lived as responsibly as possible.  This is devastating.  As it stands, I do not have savings in the bank to get me through basic living expenses for the summer.  I don't know what the answer is.

I will be leaving voicemails and sending emails tonight to local credit counselors and bankruptcy attorneys as some of you have suggested.  Thanks a million and I will greatly look forward to anything else you have to add to this subject.   

[hope2727]

Hi again,

Credit counsellors can sometimes renegotiate interest rates for you so more money is applied to principal. They can also sometimes defer payments for a period of time to help you catch up.

To dig my way out I trained dogs and horses on the side (a long ago career for me but I did it cash only on evenings and weekends) and that went to gas and groceries. I also babysat, (not kidding) walked dogs, proof read term papers for $10 a page, tutored high school students and divided my perennials and sold them. Seriously I did whatever made a dollar. I worked 7:30 to 4:30 in one position and 6-9 in another for many months. I sold christmas baking, I baked and sold fancy cheese cakes, whatever it took. I rented rooms out to people for labor on the house and for cash. It was ridiculous. But in the end I managed to chip away at the debt and fix up my house (and sell it) and finally start in the black.

It is amazing what can happen with time and perseverance. I am so sorry you are enduring this but there are resources out there. Talk to people. Learn all you can. Be creative. Play to your skills. You are a strong and resourceful person. I know you can get through this. 

[Hope0807]

hope2727  ,

You definitely made me smile:)  Your resume reads very much like mine.  The good thing is I have an insane plethora of both random and professional experience.  I'll definitely get out of this in time, but I don't have what it will take to keep me afloat in the next 6 months... .so bankruptcy is looking more and more like the smartest option to stay alive.

Hi again,

Credit counsellors can sometimes renegotiate interest rates for you so more money is applied to principal. They can also sometimes defer payments for a period of time to help you catch up.

To dig my way out I trained dogs and horses on the side (a long ago career for me but I did it cash only on evenings and weekends) and that went to gas and groceries. I also babysat, (not kidding) walked dogs, proof read term papers for $10 a page, tutored high school students and divided my perennials and sold them. Seriously I did whatever made a dollar. I worked 7:30 to 4:30 in one position and 6-9 in another for many months. I sold christmas baking, I baked and sold fancy cheese cakes, whatever it took. I rented rooms out to people for labor on the house and for cash. It was ridiculous. But in the end I managed to chip away at the debt and fix up my house (and sell it) and finally start in the black.

It is amazing what can happen with time and perseverance. I am so sorry you are enduring this but there are resources out there. Talk to people. Learn all you can. Be creative. Play to your skills. You are a strong and resourceful person. I know you can get through this. 

[hope2727]

Hope,


I am glad I could at least make you smile. Talk to the professionals. See what they say. Then go form there. My mom always said ask the opinion of 7 different people then make an informed choice.

Hugs.

[nowwhatz]

You could have a consultation with a bankruptcy attorney. They could advise whether you need to do it.

Unfortunately I am going through a chapter 13 5 year payoff partly due to bad decisions I made in conjunction with my hellish r/s with exBPDgf.  Usually on a chapter 7 you cannot keep your house.  If you make too much money for a chap 7 you can do a chap 13 and keep your house.

I wish you the best and if it does happen, and I sincerly hope you can avoid it, it is not the end of the world. In today's economy you are not alone and there is no shame in doing what you have to do to protect yourself.

[Hope0807]

Thank you!  Keeping the home is out.  There was just enough equity to pay realtors/listing fees etc.-  if and when it were to be sold.  Now that the ex has stopped paying the mortgage and foreclosure proceedings are sure to begin soon, the house is a wash.  Unreal.  Seven years pouring money into a home you're plan to be your forever-shelter…and then EVERYTHING…gone nearly in an instant.  Good luck with your Chapter 13 stuff also.

You could have a consultation with a bankruptcy attorney. They could advise whether you need to do it.

Unfortunately I am going through a chapter 13 5 year payoff partly due to bad decisions I made in conjunction with my hellish r/s with exBPDgf.  Usually on a chapter 7 you cannot keep your house.  If you make too much money for a chap 7 you can do a chap 13 and keep your house.

I wish you the best and if it does happen, and I sincerly hope you can avoid it, it is not the end of the world. In today's economy you are not alone and there is no shame in doing what you have to do to protect yourself.

[Mike-X]

Have you talked with the mortgage holder? Have you checked on refinancing options? I am not sure about the laws in your state. Is your name already on the title, from when you were put on put on the mortgage? Do you have to refinance and go back to court to have his name removed from the mortgage? It would be terrible for you to fix the mortgage issue  just have him swoop in and reclaim possession of the house.

Have you looked into options for suspending patients on your student loans?  There are options for dealing with financial hardships.

[Harri]

Hi Hope0807.  I am sorry to hear of your financial struggles.  Been there, still doing that, and it all sucks.  The fact that you are doing everything you can says a lot.  I do have a few solutions that allowed me to save a couple hundred a month and I mention them here just in case you have not already done so:

1) downgrade cell phone and drop any landline.  If you have a smart phone, get rid of it.  (the though of doing this was hard but I really do not miss it)  My monthly bill went from ~$100/mo. to $14/mo.

2) Drop your cable and get Netflix and amazon Prime for sanity sake!  Monthly bill went from $130/mo to $16/mo and I do not miss it.  Just keep fast speed internet and you should be fine (I assume you live in an area that gets 'good' internet?)  Some people, stronger than I am, are able to do without Netflix... . 

3) Rent out a spare room in your house.  Short term rentals worked best for me.

4) See what the interest rate for a pension loan would be.  Often it is lower than other types of loans. 

5) Definitely consult with a Credit counseling agency as suggested by others.

I wish you the best of luck with this.  Bankruptcy is a tough choice, so if you can avoid it, it is better, but if it is your best option that is okay too. 

[Hope0807]

Hi MikeX,

You raise a VERY good point about him swooping back in to reclaim possession of the house but I just cannot imagine that with the bizarre situation he's gotten himself involved in elsewhere.  Yes, I have spoken with the mortgage holder and am aware of refinancing options, short sale, etc. 

Currently the home is vacant, listed, and being shown.  ExH agreed to continue paying mortgage (and agreed to in divorce documents) but has stopped.  Despite this legal agreement, my divorce attorney does not think motions to take the unemployed, uncooperative exH to court will yield me any financial or otherwise relief.  Yes, my name is on the deed and mortgage, so there does not seem to be an option for financial burden relief.

The only thing I'm aware of with my student loans is deferment, while they continue to amass interest.  I'm all ears if you're suggesting something else.

Have you talked with the mortgage holder? Have you checked on refinancing options? I am not sure about the laws in your state. Is your name already on the title, from when you were put on put on the mortgage? Do you have to refinance and go back to court to have his name removed from the mortgage? It would be terrible for you to fix the mortgage issue  just have him swoop in and reclaim possession of the house.

Have you looked into options for suspending patients on your student loans?  There are options for dealing with financial hardships.

[Hope0807]

Love all this TY.  Some I have done, others I can't.  I would definitely be renting out a room if I could, but I'm currently renting a 1-bdrm condo.  The pension loan is def. something I need to get asap but I worry about essentially borrowing from Peter to pay Paul.  I'm constantly under water and it's extremely uncomfortable god forbid I need emergency car repair or other unavoidable "rainy day" expenses.

Hi Hope0807.  I am sorry to hear of your financial struggles.  Been there, still doing that, and it all sucks.  The fact that you are doing everything you can says a lot.  I do have a few solutions that allowed me to save a couple hundred a month and I mention them here just in case you have not already done so:

1) downgrade cell phone and drop any landline.  If you have a smart phone, get rid of it.  (the though of doing this was hard but I really do not miss it)  My monthly bill went from ~$100/mo. to $14/mo.

2) Drop your cable and get Netflix and amazon Prime for sanity sake!  Monthly bill went from $130/mo to $16/mo and I do not miss it.  Just keep fast speed internet and you should be fine (I assume you live in an area that gets 'good' internet?)  Some people, stronger than I am, are able to do without Netflix... . 

3) Rent out a spare room in your house.  Short term rentals worked best for me.

4) See what the interest rate for a pension loan would be.  Often it is lower than other types of loans. 

5) Definitely consult with a Credit counseling agency as suggested by others.

I wish you the best of luck with this.  Bankruptcy is a tough choice, so if you can avoid it, it is better, but if it is your best option that is okay too. 

[Mike-X]

Hi MikeX,

You raise a VERY good point about him swooping back in to reclaim possession of the house but I just cannot imagine that with the bizarre situation he's gotten himself involved in elsewhere.  Yes, I have spoken with the mortgage holder and am aware of refinancing options, short sale, etc. 

Currently the home is vacant, listed, and being shown.  ExH agreed to continue paying mortgage (and agreed to in divorce documents) but has stopped.  Despite this legal agreement, my divorce attorney does not think motions to take the unemployed, uncooperative exH to court will yield me any financial or otherwise relief.  Yes, my name is on the deed and mortgage, so there does not seem to be an option for financial burden relief.

The only thing I'm aware of with my student loans is deferment, while they continue to amass interest.  I'm all ears if you're suggesting something else.

Have you talked with the mortgage holder? Have you checked on refinancing options? I am not sure about the laws in your state. Is your name already on the title, from when you were put on put on the mortgage? Do you have to refinance and go back to court to have his name removed from the mortgage? It would be terrible for you to fix the mortgage issue  just have him swoop in and reclaim possession of the house.

Have you looked into options for suspending patients on your student loans?  There are options for dealing with financial hardships.

I was thinking of deferment, at least temporarily until you get other things in order. But there are other mechanisms for lowering your payment, too.

https://studentaid.ed.gov/repay-loans/understand/plans/income-driven

[Hope0807]

Update:  The ex did not winterize the home and in the midst of the freezing temps a pipe burst and flooded the home.  I'm not sure of the extent of the damage.  In addition, the bank has already (just 2-3 payments behind) gone over to change the locks, and as a result the realtor is now aware that the mortgage payments have ceased.

I do not have extensive credit or medical debt but am consumed with wanting to repay a personal loan to a family member, resuming my student loan payments, and being able to survive if heaven forbid something happens to my vehicle or another emergency arises.  I also do not have income for the summer months and am scrounging for part-time work wherever I can get it.

In addition to my divorce attorney recommending I file to further sever ties with the ex & the house... .and protect myself with the impending results of his erratic behavior, I've spoken to one Bankruptcy Attorney  and have an appointment with another this week.  Each so far has informed me that their fee is approximately $3,000 and is required PRIOR to filing.  Now that I've made up my mind that this is pretty the way to go to save some face and start fresh, I need to know how long I can get away with waiting to file Bankruptcy?…because I certainly don't have the money right now and won't for some time. 

I'm still trying to figure out how to avoid living out of my car over the summer.  This is coming from a woman with a solid career and dying parent as well.  Lots of mental yoga going on here.  I'm not very religious but I could use some prayers.  Ugh!