What happened? :(

[Climbmountains91]

I fell for the recycle back in October. Its always been rocky. I will start with the latest even as the rest is history. I tell him 9th September i cant have mutual contact anymore and hell have to go through his mum to see our daughter. Not like he sees her anyway and lives 10 mins up the road as my mental health was going down hill because of it. I was really friend zoned. Then three weeks later we accidentally met on the bus and going to the same place, so we hung out. Then a week later he takes me to a bar and tells me hes been missing me and wants to take it slow. I jump at the chance as i was really into him. We seen how it went, was going well til the last month or so where i found he slept with a friend and got Clamidya, which i found out i had, when i find this and we meet up hes all nicey nicey for a few weeks. Then last friday he turns round and says "I dont want tolose you as a mate I just can't be in a relationship with anyone you would be the first if my mind was right but it's not and I can't bare to string you around I'm always hurting you by stringing you around and because I hurt you I hurt myself also, I know, I will spend the rest of my life if nothing ever works out in the future , sorry from the very pits of my heart and sad that it didn't work maybe one day when ur single stuff maybe different but all I can say is sorry " he told me were not compatible.

Which i now realise we are not, we are two different people with two different life styles. He prefers to watch netflix all day, play video games all day to escape from the world, drinking himself to death everynight, rely on benefits and not work, no ambition just a slave to his depression which is where his comfortable.  

He also said he just cant do relationships, he doesn't think about them, he has enough keeping himself alive everyday,  he cant love anyone since his ex hurt him so bad. He just doesn't care. He told me i don't have a personality. He cuddles up to girls in bars. He craves to love and be loved but just cant. He cant have a relationship because he doesn't see the point, it doesn't last anyway. He tells me i make him feel trapped.

Makes it more puzzling that a few weeks ago he gave me affection which his never done before telling me "kissing me feels right", telling me we are conpatible, well have a future together someday, tries to have sex with me but i say no cause i know hell regret it but tells me this is how hell feel closer to me, i keep my distance and hes ringing me up begging for us to hang out and that he misses me etc...

I also find today the person who gave him Clamidya who he deleted off facebook, hes added her back since deleting me. Refers to her as a greasy dog. Lol! But then befriends her. :S

I appreciated the honesty. But why one minute this, next minute that. My heads a mess trying to piece this puzzle together which i know is a waste of time to do. Im just left baffled and shocked.

[Restored2]

Hi Climbmountains91.  Sounds like a rocky road of a relationship you have been on.  BPD appears to be at the helm of this ride.  Much of your confusion seems to be coming from his pull and push on you. 

[Climbmountains91]

Hi Climbmountains91.  Sounds like a rocky road of a relationship you have been on.  BPD appears to be at the helm of this ride.  Much of your confusion seems to be coming from his pull and push on you. 

Hi, thank you for your reply. I know the push and pull cycle. I haven't been dealing with this very well and i am struggling. I guess everything from the last three years I've bottled up what I've wanted to say to him and i texted him not so nice things so his blocked me on everything. I feel so ashamed. I couldn't be the better person. I don't know if to say sorry. I just cant believe last week we were play-fighting, actually having an adult conversation then next minute he pulls right right away.

[Restored2]

Hi climbmountain91.  I can relate, as I haven't been dealing with my girlfriend abruptly breaking up with me very well and I have been struggling to process everything.  Mine blocked my communications with her on everything too. 

Shame is part of the ride that most of us have to shake off.  I would encourage you to read up on FOG, which is fear, obligation and guilt.  There is some good articles on it here on this site.  You are only human like the rest of us.  Your reactions are as a result of you trying to deal with your own emotions through it all, especially three years of bottled up emotions.  Please be easy on yourself.  It's difficult for you to say sorry when you have been blocked. 

I understand your confusion and frustration, BPD behavior is not rational behavior.